Scorpio's Karma

So much time has passed..

2009-10-07T08:01:00.002-06:00

It seems like forever since I was back here and lots of things have changed!!

I was officially released from my dr. for all my accident injuries. I got the "you're as good as you're going to get" schpeel. This was fine, except that the letters to the attorneys were "shes fine", which is DEFINATELY not the case, but it is all doctors and attorneys and insurance agencies, so not sure that i have any say in whatever their bullshit is about. Truthfully, i could really really use a huge settlement, but the biggest thing is to not have any outstanding medical bills. I am up to my eyeballs in collection agencies, but fuck it, i don't have $10k laying around.

The kids have been back in school, started sports, started not doing homework, had homecoming. We've had our first snow of the year, in the middle of September, which was odd for me, but its been gorgeous since then.

I am trying to scrape together $2k for plane tickets for christmas to go to arizona to visit family and make plans for the princess moving there for college. I am so excited for her, but sad she will be leaving.

Been working alot, took vacation to Iowa for Honey's family reunion. That was fun and a good break.

Exwife#2 is almost ready to have her baby and I am sooo excited for that. Princess is her birthing coach and ex still doesn't know she is in town.

The boy celebrated his 16th birthday. It was sadly uneventful. He got a tattoo from his dad. It looks really nice, though i wish he wouldn't have gotten it. Hopefully it means something to him.

Been working out pretty close to every day since July 1. I have lost 13lbs, which isn't much considering i have been busting my ass, but i just keep plugging along at it. Have totally quit playing my game and have been hanging out with friends. What a great change and a fun time.

My baby sister's husband committed suicide in late July. This was horrible and I flew out there and was with her and the kids for a week while things got settled and services happened. It was so horribly tragic and unexpected, but honestly, i'm so glad that neither she nor the kids were home when it happened. She is getting along, day by day, and the kids are too. I cannot fathom all of the hurt she has inside her. I had great friends and family that helped me be able to be with her and we are still struggling financially to recover from my trip, but the support for me doing that was huge. My mom and dad showed up and i was grateful that my dad came, but my mom just made more uncessary, narcissistic drama happen. It was sad. She didn't speak to me so i was fine with that. She looks horrible too. Fortunately, my dad made an effort with the kids and I had a great time with the kids.

I guess thats all to catch up on. Birthday is coming up, but shouldn't be eventful, at all.

The end is nigh....

2009-06-03T10:07:00.002-06:00

So, because of statute of limitations, my car accident case has to be filed by the end of june. UGH. I am busy tying up loose ends, trying to get my own ducks in a row, while my attorney has to ask me who i am every time i call. I am soo beyond frustrated. I feel like everything is out of control and there isn't anything that i can do about it. I had my "final" dr visit and got the dreaded 'you're about as good as you're going to get". I knew/felt that it was coming, but it was totally different to hear it. I have 2 more visits of physical therapy. I guess it just took hope away. The situation with the attorney doesn't help any optimism either.

Oh well.. life keeps on keepin on, i suppose. Kids are out of school. Trying to coordinate their summer vacation in arizona with family. I have left it up to them and their dad, so ultimately, i am having to help Princess figure it all out because their dad is completely unhelpful.

I have a work trip for a week that i am kinda looking forward to. Not vacation or anything, but it should be fun.

See you later alligator

2009-05-18T07:14:00.003-06:00

Well.. Since i last updated this LOTS of things have been going on.

Thanksgiving- went to Honey's parents house for a week. This was a nice vacation and enjoyed it. Honey and I flew to cut down on the amount of travel pain i would experience. This was pretty good, though the travel anxiety was still there kept me moderately crazy.

Christmas - stayed home. Ended up going over to the Ex's house w/his 3rd wife and the kids. We had a great dinner and the kids opened their gifts. It was disappointing for them to say the least. Once we got home, we gave them each their big gifts, which they were stoked about. The delusions of grandeur of their dad are coming to an end...sad, but ultimately it will be best for them.. not for him.

New Years - went to Flogging Molly concert on new years eve. Honey and I went and had a nice dinner downtown and generally just enjoyed the evening. Flogging Molly was AWESOME! Roommate had his daughter in town. He hadn't seen her since she was like 10 and her mother blocked all communication. She is a little punk ass bitch with a huge sense of entitlement. Spent her time bashing the Boy on her facebook page, while he was bending over backward to make sure she didn't want for anything while she was here. I was pissed and gave her a talking to. Since then, she had used her dad for money. If she doesn't want money, then there isn't really a reason to talk to him. Surprise there.

In March, I had neck surgery #5. In April, I had neck surgery #6. Both showed progress as far as relieving some of the chronic pain. Just prior to #5, I had an MRI that showed a growth on my thyroid. Got an ultrasound and had to see the dr. about this. I am overweight (Duh), I have virtually zero Vitamin D in my body, my liver is not functioning properly, and i have a thyroid tumor. So..yeah.. i am done w/the dr. Honey and I went on the South Beach Diet. Lost like 5 lbs in the first 2, very strict weeks. 3 weeks off and I think i have put on a few that I lost, but I will get back on it.

Lawsuit is wrapping up and so i have been attempting to get my ducks in a row as far as doctors, etc. information to the attorney. It is good, but scary to be wrapping it up, especially since i am still in treatment. I don't know how that will go.

I am travelling to Dallas this week. First travel since the last 2 surgeries. Hoping for the best and none of the standard stiffness and pain.

The boy broke his hand. He also got his learner's permit for driving. He can't drive at the moment with a cast on.

The princess is struggling in school. Still hates it. Her boyfriend is nice and she's had him for over a month now.

Work is work. still there and still hoping neither honey nor I get laid off. They have had some re-structuring and eliminating of positions. This has resulted in about 5 people losing their jobs.

Honey and I got blackberry storms. They are nifty and i like them alot. Not iphones though. Still him-hawing about an iphone. Maybe when they price drops. We'll see. iPhones are cool.

Ex-wife #2 is moving to town. This week. The kids are stoked.

Want in one hand.....

2008-11-11T13:36:00.002-07:00

So, a few years ago, i broke down and bought a nice digital camera. It wasn't FAB-U-LOUS or anything, but it was a few hundred bucks and i loved it. I loved taking pictures with it and had delusions of grandeur about being able to take nice photos. About a month after the extended warranty expired, I turned it on and got "System Error". Turns out, this is a major malfunction of the camera and a $250 fix by the manufacturer. Uh.. i could buy a new one that is better for that or equal. So thus started my hunt for a new camera.

Now, I am really wanting a camera. Have had serious urges/inclinations for about 6-8 months now. I looked and researched and turns out, I'm a gadget nerd and still have the same delusions of grandeur that I had about being able to take some fabulous shots of stuff. I live in Colorado for shit's sake -- there is beauty all around right? Surely even "I" could take a picture.

Which ultimately led me to the decision: I will not buy a piece of crap point and shoot camera. I want a real deal Digital SLR camera with some lenses and options and you know, another hole to throw money down. So, for about the last 6 months, i have been completely committed to buying a decent, entry-level DLSR. I have been researching and comparing and still have it narrowed down to 2 different models. But every time i look at them, and read photography websites and look at pictures I want it even more. But, in contrast to that, i always have the nagging "thats a lot of money to spend on shitty pictures"

It is my hope that WHEN i get my camera that it will be a motivator to get out and walk around and just take some pictures. To do things, to go places. To drag the honey and kids and dogs with me. It has been so hard the last couple years, being physically unable to actually do anything, that i am bored to tears and think that I can take a decent picture and the beauty will motivate me to get off my ass.

I guess, until i get my camera, i will keep living in my pretty picture world and keep my hopes up that not everything i point the camera at (when the time comes) will look like a colorful turd on paper.

6 months already ?!?!?!?!

2008-11-10T07:05:00.002-07:00

Wow, it has been 6 months since i posted last. I totally can't believe that time has gone by that fast. Seems like just last week I was getting ready for summer vacation. Well then, lets catch up.

Our friends from MO came out and we had a good time. There was some kind of drama that i'm not really sure of, but we ended up not seeing them as much as we hoped and they ended up kinda not talking to us anymore. The honey couldn't talk while they were here, and i think that had something to do with it. All in all, i'm glad they came out; i'm very sorry that some sort of bullshit happened. I still just don't know what.
My sister and niece came out. We had an awesome time. My niece is a precious little princess. I totally remember when i had my baby princess. She was so cute.
The Princess left with my sister on summer vacation. The day after she left, we ended up buying her "her car". Its a 07 Kia Sorento. Which was super great deal, but maybe not the smartest for the gas crunch times. She loves it and drives all over.
I had my nerve test in may and it showed i had some nerve damage that was contributing to my pain. I ended up having another surgery in June.
The Boy went to wrestling camp for a week and loved it. he had a great time and did awesome. He then left on vacation for a month.
Summer was generally uneventful for Honey and I. Roommate got back in touch with his daughter and I am super stoked for him. The re-establishment of this relationship has been all-consuming for him, but awesome. Hopefully she will be coming out to visit for the holidays.
The Ex and his wife/girlfriend (i really don't know) moved here. They tend to ignore the kids until its convenient to guilt them. They live about a mile away from us but don't actually contribute to the kids expenses or every day life. This is frustrating for me and its hurtful to them.
Honey and I are going to his parents for Thanksgiving. The kids are staying here with their dad. I think we are having christmas at home. Maybe even get a tree. This will be exciting.
Back in physical therapy and it hurts, but generally improving. Still can't do much with out extreme soreness or pain. Still afraid to try much of anything as far as exercise go.
I did get the Wii Fit for my birthday and its nice to do yoga stretches and some core balance work, but nothing actually strenuous.
The Boy had his birthday --15 already!!! He and some friends had a sleepover. 6 teenage boys in the house was crazy. They ate 8 pizza's and a huge cake!! We ended up getting the boy a couple video games that he wanted and some other stuff. His dad actually bought him something (wrestling shoes) for the first time in about 7 yrs. I almost passed out.
My birthday was uneventful and basically a non-day. Honey and I had a date the weekened before. We didn't have cake or anything.
Work has been slamming busy. I have a new boss and my idiot co-worker is backstabbing and kissing ass to maneuver his way into my job. He just makes himself look a fool. He will eventually work himself out of a job.
I turned down a promotion. Honey took a promotion. Its been over a month and he still hasn't seen any raise. That is frustrating.
The economy makes it a hard time for the non-profit business, but i'm still here and so is honey. Don't see any layoffs coming for our department, but maybe for some other. Who knows.
The game has had renewed interest for me recently due to some changes. Also, this week the expansion with a whole bunch of new content comes out. It begins another leveling grind, but oh well. It should be fun.
The honey has 2 weeks off starting next week. I have a week and a half off starting Next wednesday.
We have had unusally warm weather for this time of year. Still dreading the snow and driving on ice, but its been great so far.

Listening to: What is Happening by Alphabeat

As the crow flies....

2008-05-05T14:16:00.002-06:00

Seems not like 4 months have passed since i posted last, but alas it has. Here's whats been going on.

Princess got her driver's permit. Now I have a chauffeur every where I need to go.
The Boy has gotten his act together and no longer wants to live with his dad.
The Honey hasn't been traveling too much, but work has kept us both slammed.
Ex and the bitch have decided they are moving here in the summer. I am not thrilled at all.
The Boy and Princess went and visited for 4 days over spring break and seemed to have a good time.
I had my 2nd neck surgery in March. There was little to no effect and I am still in chronic pain. I am still on very limited physical activity, still not back in physical therapy. I have a nerve test coming up on the 14th to test for nerve damage in my neck. It is supposed to be a little like acupuncture, but still not looking forward to it that much.
In 2 weeks, the Honey and I will have visitors! I am sooo excited that our friends from MO are coming out for Memorial Day weekend. I don't know how to entertain them just yet, but i'm sure beer will be involved and we will have a good time.
At the end of June, my sister and niece are supposed to come visit. I am excited about this too.
We are looking to buy the princess's car sooner rather than later so that the honey can stop filling up the expedition to commute to work. Princess doesn't get her license until January, at which time we'll turn the new car over to her.
The Boy graduates 8th grade in 2 weeks. They aren't having any kind of ceremony or anything, which i find really sad and weird. I wish he could experience it.
I got new curtains for the living room, which i think look nice. The downstairs bathroom is mostly finished, still needs some paint and accessories, but its functioning which is awesome.
Still not made progress on de-cluttering the house. I plug along at it, but not being able to do any kind of physical work does not speed things up. I am soo frustrated at this accident injury bullshit it makes me cry somedays.
Drama in my game has caused it to lose its luster. Looking for another game, but until then, just plugging along with my friends and having fun. Trying to stay out of the drama and bullshit. Damn, people are queens sometimes. It's a fucking game. I know I have contributed my share, but I honestly believe mine is reactionary. I obviously think I am above generic drama for the purpose of drama, but probably not if you ask others.

Until the next time, hopefully after my nerve test.

In Review.......

2008-01-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

Well.. this isn't going to be a year in review type of things, but i will catch up from the last post to current..

The birthday was alright
The kids had a blast on Halloween and the princess and her friend had the cutest superhero costumes. They were batman and superman, wearing tights with underoos over them (yes, little boys underwear), insignia t-shirts with tight, long-sleeve shirts underneath, and capes. It truly was one of the best girl superhero costumes ever. The boy was Bart Simpson and they both that a great time at their respective trick or treating/parties.
The boy got his cast off and all is well with the hand
The boy is failing school and generally has his head up his ass. His solution is to go live w/his dad, rather than change his attitude or fix his shit. I am at my wits end with his crap. His dad is only marginally helping the issue.
Thanksgiving was totally uneventful and we had tasty food with nothing exploding or burning.
One of my best friends in the world is moving back to AZ. I will miss him greatly. I concede his reasons for doing it, but not sure it is the best. However, he hates CO, and getting out of here is something that I respect if you just don't like it.
A former friend (she's been blogged about before on here) and her husband are divorcing. She has also moved back to AZ. He has moved to Seattle.
The puppy is potty trained FINALLY!!!!!
The Princess is getting her driver's permit tomorrow.
I am committed to hopefully upgrading the crap status of my house. Decorating, trashing shit, etc. I just need MONEY
The downstairs bathroom is 2 days away from being finished. I just need to find those 2 days.
Spent 2 weeks at the in-laws. God i love them, they are the nicest people, but holy shit, i die with the slow pace of small town. Its great to relax, but sometimes, being rushed is a good thing.
Took a longer route home to meet some friends for the first time in KC. The visit was awesome and i wish we lived closer. The honey and I have been playing our online game with them for close to 3 years now and we stopped in for a visit. The dogs, kids and us had a great time with them. It was just an overnight visit, and in the end, that was just too short.
The honey got a 22in widescreen flat panel monitor for his b-day.
New Years Eve/Honey's B-day was uneventful. We had just gotten home from vacation the night before and were exhausted.
I still have major panic/anxiety attacks when driving/riding in ice/snow/shit weather. On our return trip, the last 150 miles were chock full of 40-50mph blowing snow, white out conditions, icy icy roads, hyperventilation, uncontrollable shaking, and crying. Honey was a saint through it all, trying to keep the truck on the road and not stuffing a sock in my mouth and tying me up (or knocking me out).
I have been playing my online game a lot. I have found a new side of it that makes it like a new game altogether. The downside to this is that I get guilt trips from people who i don't play with much anymore. The upside is that it has renewed my interest in the game, and i'm having fun again.
I am still having trouble with my neck and knee from the accident. Holiday shopping did nothing to help and i found that shopping is no longer as pleasurable as it once was. Traveling was horrid for my neck and i am still recovering.

I hope that things improve healthwise for me and attitude-wise for the Boy. The Honey is great and we both need to watch what we eat. For me to lose weight and him to lower his blood pressure. The Princess needs to keep up her good grades and positive attitude and the boy needs to take a less from his sister.

All is well. Happy New Year to all!

Its a quick paced stroll....

2007-10-23T07:37:00.000-06:00

not an actual full on run.... thats what i keep telling myself about my life. Seems as though things are crazy most of the time though. I guess i don't know what I would do if I wasn't so busy. Probably blog here more.

So.. its been a while and other than being completely slammed at work with no breathing room for either the Honey or I, here's the low down:

Today is my birthday..
I had training for some new software 2 weeks ago. The instructor told me I needed the advanced class and then proceeded to use that as excuse to not answer my questions with the now all too familiar refrain of "thats really covered in the advanced class"...Despite an idiot instructor, I learned enough new information about a few things that, as soon as I have time, I will be fiddling with to implement here.
The Boy broke his hand. He fell off a curb. yes, a curb. I still suspect there was some sort of teenage gawking going on, no matter what he swears. The most disappointing thing is he did it the weekend before basketball tryouts. He did go to the tryouts, did his best with a cast on his arm and his hand messed up (they casted over all his fingers !)..still didn't keep him from being saddened and disheartened about not making the team. He truly did bust his buns to improve his skills. He is casted for another 4 weeks.
Princess finished up cross country. She was 4th on her team this season, but kinda slacked off toward the end and didn't make it to state. She was disappointed, but she knows she didn't try her best.
I had emergency dental surgery to remove a tooth that had infected the nerve and into my lymph node. I have never in my life experienced that much pain before. I actually had a cavity under a filling that started the infection. That seemed weird to me. The tooth is out now, and omg it was instant relief. It was $500 though, because it was after hours emergency clinic instead of my regular dentist and they don't take insurance after hours. Nonetheless, it was totally necessary.
The Honey is on a whirlwind travel schedule with New Jersey last week, Michigan coming up and then Panama. He finally got his passport. I would not like to go to Panama the week after thanksgiving, so I am not even looking into it. I then think he's home until after the holidays.
We both got the week of Christmas off. We will have the kids as the ex and his bitch are doing something. The same old refrain of how he has no money just has made me tune him out. I have now decided that the 25yr friendship is pretty much over because of bitch.
Need to get the Princess into her driving class.
We got our first snow this weekend. Not much snow, but damn was it cold as hell.
Old friend is getting divorced. I haven't talked to her in years because at one point she decided I wasn't good enough for her, or something. Probably a little bit of me and some crazy shit on her part. Dunno what it was about, don't really care at this point. She's a nice person, she likes to be frank and open with people, but you can't be the same back to her. She said some of the most horrific things to me, and probably doesn't realize how offensive she was. It was nice to hear from her, she is moving back to Arizona with her family and her (ex)husband moved to Seattle. Anyway, Sorry to hear they are getting divorced, thats always sad. Their kids are little and the distance will be hard for them.
Princess wants to know what really drunk feels like. *sigh* teenagers.
Still plugging along with accident stuff. Still can't exercise without being in pain. Still can't have sex without severe pain the next day. Not even crazy stuff. I have a dr. appointment this week to see where i stand with that. Hopefully i don't have to get another neck surgery, but we will see now won't we.
I have no idea what to do about xmas presents for honey or the kiddos.
The puppy ate my iPod and headphones. The iPod has a crack in the screen, which is not covered under warranty. The headphones will need to be replaced.
My expensive camera broke. It will cost a couple hundred to repair. I think I am just going to buy a new one. I am pissed about it. Broke 2 months after getting it back from warranty repair. That makes 3 times that fucking camera broke in the year that I had it. Yeah.. not spending any more fucking money on that piece of shit camera. But now I don't have a camera.
Love having Sasha home. She has been spayed and recovered really well.
Finally went to the bar with Roommate the other night. Was great to get out, listen to some music and just chill. Honey had traveled all week, so he stayed home.

Thats about it... busy and keeping going.. I hope I don't fall down on this moving sidewalk.
{Listening to One Week by Bare Naked Ladies}

Long time no see

2007-09-25T06:52:00.000-06:00

Its been a while since i have been here to say anything but I figured I would share some of whats been going on..

kids are back in school. The princess has quit cheerleading and is running cross country again. She is soo good, i'm glad she made the switch. The boy has decided he wants to be a total fuckoff. I have a meeting w/his principal this week and his grades are in the shitter just because he doesn't feel like doing his work.

2 weeks ago, the honey got his dog back. this is absolutely remarkable and we are so completely happy. Honey is beyond ecstatic. She is now spayed and a bit hurty at the moment from the surgery. She had been gone almost 6 months. At month 4, we got a new puppy. Her name is Tessa and she is kind of a wild girl. Funny and sweet and just kinda crazy. Hardest dog to potty train EVER. She's still workin it 2 months later.

Work has been more than crazy. I haven't had a break in a while and I seriously need one. They are not hiring another new HD person because they want to hire this other guy who i am deeming "JA Jesus" because they are paying him outrageous amount of money (which is why they can't hire a new helpdesk person) and i think for that kind of money, he better be a fuckin Savior. Its quite sad really, cause no one wants this guy except the one w/the power to hire. Everyone else involved, including the person who is going to be this guys boss, doesn't want him. Oh well, sometimes you'll take what you get and you'll like it!

Because I am not getting a HD person, I am still doing helpdesk work. I shouldn't be, but I am. I did get my raise and promotion, but its conditional that they have another helpdesk person. So, now i get the privilege of doing both my new job and my old job. Its tons of fun. Also, for the last week and a half, the other helpdesk person has been out on medical leave. I have been running this one ring pony show all by myself. Holy crap am I just burnt out.

I am not currently listening to anything because my music got deleted at work. I am hopefully getting it back today. Emmy Rossum is good, I am diggin on Amy Winehouse as well. Couple other new people too, just can't remember off the top of my head.

Speaking of off the top of my head.. i have a cold, my wisdom teeth are coming in and I have a chipped tooth. Its all kinds of physical fun for me. Today is physical therapy. Yes, I am still going. Since I started doing more "normal" activities, my neck has acted up again. I have another dr. appointment in Oct. and we will be re-evaluating the need for another rhizotomy. Joy, joy.. more needles in my neck. UGH!.. no other news on the accident front..just kinda plugging along plugging along. pain is returning to a more heightening level, i am not thrilled about that at all. I have actually started cutting back no doing most normal activities because it gets so irritated.

Thats all folks.. maybe i won't forget to write more often..

I've got nothing to hide...

2007-07-11T07:29:00.000-06:00

So, I know I haven't posted in a while, but a friend sent me this whitepaper which was extremely enlightening. If you are concerned about privacy (or not) in the US and all the laws which have come to pass since 9/11, please take the time to read this. It highlights the "i've got nothing to hide" attitude when it comes to privacy.

http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=998565

Since i'm here, I'll fill you all in on whats been going on...
The kids got home, this is fabulous and I am totally excited that they are back.

{Listening to The Chokin' Kind by Joss Stone}

I had a totally mixed bag of weekend. The honey was gone and came home the same night as the kids. Lets start at Friday night.. The roommate and I decided to hit a new On The Border by the house for dinner. We got there at around 5:30, waited until about 6:00 to be seated, waited until about 6:20 to get our drink order, by 6:35 we had drinks and chips and salsa. By 6:45 we had our order taken...Thus far, service had been, we'll just call it inexperienced. So we waited for our food, asked for more chips and salsa (about 7:10 we got those).. around 7:30 they brought our food out. Mine was cold. I mean, barely warm. The Roommate? well his was wrong... and not like they messed up a side, they got the wrong dish.. totally....So we sent his back and I mulled over my cold dinner. Now, for anyone that has ever had a cheese enchilada, you know that the cheese inside should be molten, mouth blistering...not a solid chunk. I am talking about about solidified to the point of a refrigerated piece of pizza. Not remotely melted. The steak that I had with it, was tasty, but again, not even on the warm side. So I picked at the beans and rice, mostly cause they are palatable when they are cold and waited for Roommates order to come back.. around 8:00 (yes, 30 mins, Roommate still doesn't have food) the server comes over to say that his food should be up soon, asks how mine was. I had originally decided to just grin and bear it with my cold food, but then she had to ask, so I told her. This poor inexperienced girl didn't know what to do with a complaint. I almost felt bad for her. She asked if I wanted another meal. Since we were pushing 45 mins now and the roommate didn't have his food back, I said that I would just keep it, I didn't need a new meal. Little did I know that this would confuse the poor girl. So she says she is going to get the manager because of our meal. At about 8:30 or so, the manager finally comes out to our table, says they are gonna comp our meal and they'll get a box for my meal. I ask about Roommates meal, and he says that we cancelled the order(see where the confusion on the part of the server comes in?)?!?!! We were both in shock, explained that No, we actually hadn't, and would like that to go as well. He says it should be up in "a few minutes". We left the restaurant hungry, worn out, full of tasty chips and salsa and our food ina to go box. It was after 9:00pm... a 3 hr dinner at which we didn't get to eat. We were laughing about the situation, there was no reason to be pissed, just a comedy of errors, but holy shit...

So we get home, eat, finish up moving the Boys things back into his room which was painted and tiled while he was gone. Start cleaning the house and getting rid of shit before everyone comes home.

On Saturday, I get up to get finished cleaning. I have to go to the airport (1.5 hrs away) to pick up the Honey and the Kids in the evening. I get the bathrooms done, get the floors done, the kitchen, the entry, I just need to vacuum. I get started..and it doesn't suck.. now, this is my $800 Dyson, the fucking thing better suck.. it better vacuum my god damned floors. I spend 2 hrs taking it apart, cleaning it, checking for any blockages, etc. I dig up my warranty info from best buy and lug it down there. I get the pleasure of having the Geek Squad take a look at it. Man, they are dumbasses (in general, the ones I deal with at my store I wouldn't trust to look at a magazine without fucking it up)..So i show the dude how its not working right.. how i have full replacement warranty.. he tells me he'll send it in for repair (ok).. and that I should have it back by the end of the month.. WHAT!!!?!?!?!?!?! A month to fix a fucking vacuum? Holy shit.. so now, I leave my poor baby to the Geek to do what needs to be done.. I call some friends to see if I can borrow their vacuum and head over there to pick up..

Now, this is where I think my luck is changing for the weekend (in the end, I was very wrong)... Our friend says he has to go to the airport to pick up his MIL around the time that the Honey is coming in. I ask if he would pick up the honey so he doesn't have to wait 4 hrs for the kids to get in.. Friend says sure, he wouldn't mind at all... Ok.. I am excited, the honey has a ride home from the airport, I have a borrowed vacuum. I can now contemplate a hotel for the night w/the kids so I don't have to make 3 trips to denver for warped tour...(side note: i purchased Warped Tour tickets for the daughter and her friend for her b-day present)...So i get home, get vacuumed, all my cleaning wind has been taken out of me by this stupid little pause and calamity with the vacuum. Call the honey, tell him about his ride. He is actually excited that he doesn't have to wait in the airport.

I get online and find a hotel in a decent price range (from Hotels.com) and make the reservation. The hotel is like 3 blocks from where we need to be in the morning to take princess and her friend to the Warped Tour. The boy and I are going to go to the water park and have a relaxing day together just hanging out...So, on the way to the airport, I think of calling the hotel to let them know it might be 11pm before we get there, but that we will be there... They have no record of my reservation.. WHAT?!?!?!? I paid for it already w/hotels.com. Its been removed from my bank. I get on the phone, talk to a supervisor. This is around 9:00pm, on the way to the airport to pick up the kiddos. She says she is going to find a hotel for me and call me back. Great... I can work with that.. so she does..and around 9:45pm she calls me back, says she got me a hotel, not where I wanted, its a nicer hotel though, and they are going to comp the higher rate difference. I am ok with all this, get what I believe is my new confirmation number, retrieve kids and luggage and go to the new hotel. We get there, its about 10:15 or so.. go to check in, and they have me arriving the next day, and because its done through hotels.com, they can't change it.. So I spend the next hour and a half on the phone, on hold, getting disconnected, noone at hotels.com having a fucking clue, and get told that I can indeed check in. Get back in line, and FINALLY at 11:50pm get checked into a hotel. I am soooo glad that I was dealing with 3 teenagers and not 3 toddlers. They were running around the parking lot, playing on the computer in the lobby, generally being teenagers in a hotel, but still, they were out of my hair and not annoying me, and i was fucking pissed. I can only remember one other time that I was so rude to a customer service person. Now, what did they give me for my pain and suffering? Coupons for my next use with Hotels.com.. OH FUCK THAT..

NEVER USE HOTELS.COM FOR ANYTHING.. THEY WILL FUCK YOU 6 WAYS FROM SUNDAY..

So we're in the hotel, no one is tired, everyone is wound up and hungry.. we order pizza from the hotel bar, the kids hit the pool and I just try to lounge in the hotel...watch some tv.

{Listening to Bag Lady by Erykah Badu}

We get up the next morning and take the girls to the Warped Tour, the boy and I get lost trying to find the water park, but we do and we are ready to get settled in for our day of fun. We have a blast, don't hear from the girls. Its about 12:30 before we get to the water park, and by 3:00, we were rained out.. yep, they closed the waterpark because of ... wait for it....WATER... ok, I know it probably had to do with the fact that it might have been lightning, but we left around 3:30 ish and headed back down town, thinking the girls would be getting rained out too. They were getting rained on, but wanted to stay. The boy and I went driving around, found a couple stores to browse, and went to a movie (Evan Almighty - funny, wait for DVD).. He and I had a great day together, the girls called just before the movie was over to say they were ready to be done. We go pick them up and head home... Honey had pizza ordered when we got home, and we ate and I went to sleep..

man, the day was over.. It wasn't that it was bad, it was that the previous night had worn me out, I had been on the go, on my feet (which turns out were swollen, along with my knee).. The kids had fabulous days, the girls loved the warped tour, the boy had a great time at the water park even though we didn't get to ride on all the rides, we rode on the ones that I could do with my neck issues...

The issues with the vacuum, the restraurant, the hotel, was all forgotten when I laid my head on my pillow and crashed, with a smile on my face that the kids actually still had a good time... because of their mom...Plus, the honey was home and I got to see him after a week, and he opted to be nice and cuddle with me for a bit before I sacked out..

Monday started with work.. its been busy, kids have been running here and there with their friends, happy to be back after a month.. Thats about it..

There have been a couple other songs that have played throughout this post, but these 3 were fairly apropos while I was writing and they are ones that I love.. so it was nice that they came on.. Love when the morning mix relaxes me.. gets me ready for my Potluck Hawaiian day..
{Listening to Life for Rent by Dido}

so.. I kinda don't have time

2007-06-21T14:45:00.000-06:00

I know.. i said i would try to keep this up and whatnot, but really, work and life have been too busy to take a minute to write my thoughts down. I'm keeping this here because I think I will keep coming back to it, but definately not going to be an every day thing or even an every other day thing like it was when i started. Now, of course, it hasn't been a year, but what the hell. I've tried and failed at this diary writing more than once. Not to be discouraged, I will keep a post coming and in my thoughts.

So.. to fill in. Schools out, kids are gone. They've been to their dads with the bitch (girlfriend) and she made my son pissed off and cry. God.. she's a whore. They will be coming home in 2 weeks and I think they are both going to be happy about it. The Princess got her cheer camp over and done with and she had a fabulous time. I am glad for that. But now some kind of rule has changed and they have to maybe hold tryouts all over again. holy shit, what a clusterfuck. leave it to cheerleaders to perpetuate the drama.

I have been slammed busy with new software, new deployment and about a 120% increase in my work load. The guy I work with has decided what is and isn't his job anymore, so I am left picking up the slack and just kinda doing what needs to get done. I spent 2 weeks putting in 12-14 hr days. Yes, it sucked balls.

The boy is doing great, loving vacation, anxious to be back home. He's been gone 2 weeks longer than the Princess. The Honey is getting ready to travel again, and I am going to miss him this time. He actually gets vacation time when he's gone and will get to visit family. I will not.

I am not on par for any vacations. Some dr. appointments and what not. I am still going to PT, and still fighting a bit of weird chronic pain, but over all since the surgery DEFINATELY better. There are some days where I can't move my neck, but most days I'm doing pretty good with stiffness. I still can't live a normal life, and exercise or do any kind of physical activity, but I spose that comes with getting rear-ended by a 73 GMC pickup. My Phyisical therapist has let me go down to once a week, which has been kinda sad, but progressive anyway. I am still losing weight and down into a solid 14 now. Thats been since late april an 18 down to 14. I'm still working on it and thinking about the Kimkins diet. I really just want to exercise more, but can't do that.

The princess turned 15 and got her belly button pierced. I feel a big I told you so coming on when she starts cheerleading back up. The boy, thankfully, got nothing pierced or tattoo'd while at his dads.

Honey helped and we got the bathroom almost finished. Hopefully this weekend the honey can finish the tiles and get the grout and sealant done. Then i just need to measure and purchase a lovely $150 special order shower curtain bar. Yes.. its expensive and stupid, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. I must say, the tile saw helps ALOT in doing stuff that we didn't have when I tiled the entry way. I am now all gung-ho about doing the downstairs hallway & maybe the stairs. The upstairs bathroom is going to need to get done ASAP as the walls & tiles are now having the problem that the downstairs bathroom had. Hopefully we can get one done before the other fails totally. I really NEED to bathe.. its kind of a requirement. But, we will be paying someone to do that one. I told the Honey I had had enough w/the bathrooms.

The princess also wants to move her room into the office (cause its bigger) and the office into her room. It will be CRAMPED to high heaven, but I think that I can convince honey to throw some shit out.. god I hope I can convince honey to throw some shit out. Wonder if I could get that room tiled....hrm..thoughts. Maybe the boy's room. God.. so much to tile, so little time.

Time to head home.. glad I got something down on here.. little updates..

Whats up Chuck?

2007-05-16T06:33:00.000-06:00

Well.. we are into week 3 of searching for our other dog. My sister-in-law sent the Honey a picture of them (honey & puppy) together. I broke into tears. I kinda thought that was a rude thing to do, but also know that no ill will was meant. I am just so sad to have lost her. Today we go down to the Humane Society to look at one that MIGHT be her. I am a little scared cause the puppy in the picture had blood on her tail and doesn't look really healthy. I guess I can't expect her to be the tip top of shape after 3 weeks on the lamb.

My nephew's graduation present arrived this week. We got it all set up and ready to take with us on Friday. Man, we are very excited about all of that. We are leaving EARLY friday morning. The princess and I have been shopping to find good outfits. She raped me for $50 at Hollister.

I have decided that I seriously want to be down a couple sizes by my brothers wedding on Labor day. This will be my goal. I am seriously looking into weight watchers and all that. I think that if I lost some weight I would seriously feel better.

On that same note. PT has finally let me go down to once a week!!!!.. hooray but I am also a bit sad. I enjoyed my time there and now I am forced to make time at home. I just don't know how much i can do like that. Discipline will become my new forte, I suppose.

The boy is leaving on the 26 to go to his dad. I am a bit nervous that he made a one-way ticket, but alas, not my deal. I'm sure he'll come home. The princess doesn't leave until sometime after Cheer camp. They have both been busy with school and getting ready for finals.

Work has been busy. I have been doing some training and the new software launch has just caused havoc in my work world. Can't I just go back to normal problems? I really hate that there is very little that I can actually fix if they call with problems. I am a problem router and I don't necessarily like that. But, oh well. Its still making my world a bit rougher.

I picked up the Killers & Gwen Stefani albums this week. Loving them.

{Listening to Digging your Own Hole by Chemical Brothers}

Another gap...

2007-05-08T07:04:00.000-06:00

Well lets see where i left off.. still haven't found our other dog. The Honey is back on the road. The Princess and I had a row and I think we are better now. Cheerleading is costing me an arm and a leg. The Boy is still working on getting his grades up. They are both itchin for school to be out. Work is work and just getting more busy. I seem to be less motivated recently. Still losing weight, but not at a rapid pace. I need to drop like 40lbs in a week. That would rock!!!

I have been going to PT still. I am really not liking that I have to keep going. Its been almost 9 months. I still have to go 2x/week. My neck still bothers me so I know I need to go, but I just don't want to some days.

I am getting REALLY excited about my nephews graduation and seeing the family. Ok, I'm excited to see most of them. This will be the first time that Honey has met the family, so I'm a bit nervous about that. But in the end, they don't generally approve of my life, so it doesn't bother me a whole lot if they don't like him. He's absolutely awesome to me and to the kids, so thats where its gonna stand. But it still makes me a bit nervous. Its a whole weekend of interaction with the fam, so thats a long time to first meet 'em. SO anyway.. I am looking forward to that alot and still nervous about it at the same time. It should be a great time.

We are renting an SUV for the drive and staying the whole weekend. Its like a 10 hr drive, but oh well.. it will be nice.. to have a rental car, not putting the miles on our own.

I am still recovering from my fall down the stairs last week, so my neck has been hurting. Haven't really done much except my PT exercises and still going to PT. I really can't do much with the kiddos except run them around when I can hardly turn my head. *sigh*..

{listening to Green Eyes by Erykah Badu}

10 days have passed

2007-04-27T07:35:00.001-06:00

I just haven't really been able to post. I should try to find the time, but after I leave work, I just don't have the energy to get on the computer. I haven't even been playing my game during the week. Plus, there has been some decent tv that I am now addicted to.

So lets back up. Last saturday I cut my hair. I cut it all off. It was down past my shoulders and now its a super short spikey do. I love it. I still kinda miss my hair being long, but i love this new haircut and everyone seems to like it.

On tuesday, we had a blizzard. Our dogs got out. We only have 1 back. We are missing our baby girls sasha and so it has been a very very sad week at our house. I have cried almost every day and night that she is gone. I was out for 3 hours in the blizzard looking for them both. Our Mojo was found and returned to the humane society. Sasha was The Honey's little baby girl. She's not a lap dog or anything, she's a jack russell/husky mix, so she's medium sized, no fur and skinny, but she was his baby and he is absolutely heartbroken. I am too. It was a bittersweet reunion when we got Mojo back home, because we still are missing Sasha. Lots of tension, stress and tears around our house. We have put up posters and put out as many notifications that we possibly could. Mojo was already 5 miles from home after 1 day. Its day 4 now for Sasha, no telling how far she is. I just hope that she is safe. *breathe* ok, enough crying for this morning.

Work has been busy. Lots of new stuff happening, lots of nobody knowing what the fuck is going on. Just keep plugging along here.

Been doing alright physically. The stress from the dogs being gone had made my neck tighten up. I have been to PT and thats all good. I am still working on losing weight and trying to feel better. I need to make some appointments for doctors and follow up on that crap, but I'll get there, just been too much to do lately.

Seems like most weeks I don't have a minute to breathe by myself. The kids need running here and there, work is busy, the honey is gone, trying to keep up with housework, etc. Never enough time in an hour, a day, a week, a month...

I snapped at the princess last night. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. She hurt my feelings, and I think that all the work, dog, pms stress just broke me. I made a snarky remark. She said it hurt her feelings. I apologized, but she couldn't get over that I hurt her feelings. Never mind that what she said was rude to me. Oh Well. I guess teenagers can work their selfishness. I just let it all get to me last night. Some days its too much for me to just blow off their snarky remarks.

I am contemplating changing my cell phone service, though I don't have any really good reason why other than Verizon has been totally shit in the customer service department. I also get a discount through my company with Cingular/AT&T, and they have Rollover minutes, which Verizon doesn't have. I also like the Simm card. Verizon doesnt have that. You get a new phone, either its $25 for them to transfer your data or you get to type all your numbers and shit in again. Thats stupid if you ask me. My problem is that I was with At&t, they switched to Cingular screwed me to no end, and now they are back to AT&T. Decisions.. but I got a month or so before my contract with Verizon finishes. I am just kinda tired of their shite customer service.

I have been in love with GoldFrapp (band) for quite a while. They are a techno band out of the UK and I have them in my rotation of iTunes. But, for some reason this morning, I had the urge to just play their whole album. They are awesome. I also been busy this morning updating myspace. HA! I really just need to keep myself occupied.

The dog being gone has hit the Honey really hard this morning. He is on the verge of tears. I just dont' know if I can handle that too much cause I am bursting out into spontaneous crying already. This morning, just looking at him and the tears just behind the surface, I lost it. I am trying to be supportive and I understand his emotion. I am having a hard time, but I know that he is having it even more rough than I am.

Plugging along today.. through the weekend....

{Listening to Lovely 2 C U by Goldfrapp}

Runnin' to slow down

2007-04-17T07:13:00.000-06:00

Ever have those days where you feel so busy, but dont' feel like anything was accomplished? That was my weekend. The honey was home from his business trip, but I didn't hardly see him. We ended up not having our date because, I kinda forgot and planned dinner w/the whole family.

So on friday, I ran the kids around until about 8:00, got busy w/the honey before picking up the kids at 9:30, got home around 10. Saturday, got up at 8, picked up princess from her friends house at 12, came home, worked on honey's taxes, went to the mall w/the princess to try to get haircuts, ended up rescheduling for Sunday, went to dinner (the non-date w/the whole family), got horrible service, rushed through dinner cause the princess was cramping and needed to get home. Got home and its 7:30 already. I was exhausted. On sunday, i got up at 4am cause the dogs woke me up, got a couple hours to flood the kitchen with coffee, play my game, read my book, everyone was awake by 8, at 10, the princess and I left for haircuts, went shopping while we waited for our appointment, got some coffee (cause i flooded the kitchen w/the coffee and didn't get any). Got hair cut, got home at 1:30 in time to take the boy to a 1:50 movie. Blades of Glory. Holy shit is it funny. The theatre was crowded and we were pressed for time. Got a hot dog to eat and dripped ketchup all over my shirt. Got out, got home, got dinner in the oven and finally took my shoes off. It was 5. Ate dinner and went to the store with the kids. Got home, got groceries put away, looked at the clock: it was 8. Went to bed.

I hate being so rushed that I got absolutely nothing done. In the whole weekend it feels like I didn't do anything but run around, I didn't see the honey, I hung out with the kiddos, which is fine, but I just feel like I did everything, yet nothing.

Work is kinda busy, still preparing for the huge event. I will be done today, hopefully. At least now I am waiting on other people. I guess thats good. I don't like it, but at least my shit is all together and ready to go.

The boy went from an A in math at semester to an F. Now he's grounded. Holy shit, does everyone have this kind of just plain screwing off w/their teenagers? I just don't know what I can do different. I help them, I ask them every day if they have homework, if they do, do they need help. I just don't know how to impress upon them that they need to do good in school. It is causing me great stress.

I also start back to PT today. I am excited about it. Though I am almost wishing that all of this was about over. I am tired of having medical problems and going to drs, being poked and prodded and racking up enormous medical bills that I fear are not going to be paid. Add that to my list of stresses. I really freak out that I am going to be held liable for all these expenses. Just one of my neck surgery's was 3500. Which isn't that bad, but I wouldn't have needed it. I also have over 2000 in just PT co-pays. Sheesh. Which, reminds me. I need to schedule some Dr. appts. I really need life to just let me breathe for a minute. Just a quick, deep breath. Let me relax.

{Listening to Under the Radar by Underworld}

Its Friday!!!

2007-04-13T14:01:00.001-06:00

Its a great day. The honey is home.. ok, well he's landed and on his way to the house. Its been 2 weeks and I have missed him alot. WOOT for gettin busy.

So, I have posted a week or so ago entitled "2 Weeks". I usually don't get comments or even know if people read my blog. Thats fine, its mostly just a vent for me to write how I'm feeling physically as the accident injuries/recoveries are progressing, how I'm feeling about life, the kids, work; more like a typed word vomit of whatever I'm thinking about. So.. anyway, on the post entitled 2 Weeks, I see a comment. I get a few here and there, but this is an uncalled for, unwarranted spew of shit that just irritates me that people have the nerve to impose their view on me or (if I have any) my readers. Its just ignorant and presumptuous that I am interested in their shit. Especially since I don't think I've ever written anything about my political or religious views on here. I could understand maybe they read it and thought i was a kindred spirit, but Nope, I don't have any of that. And, for what its worth, I'm pagan or agnostic. My beliefs are, just that... my beliefs. If someone asks, I'll share, otherwise, they get to be all mine. So, not only is the comments posted by a chicken shit Anonymous poster, they are offensive to my beliefs. I thought about deleting them, but am still undecided. Especially as I write this and wonder if (anyone is reading this) a comment, out of the blue, completely unrelated to the post topic is truly offensive or if I am perhaps taking it too personal. Either way, shut up and get off my web door cowardly Anonymous poster.

So, the honey is home, the kids are home from school today due to snow today. We didn't get the blizzard like they said we would, but it still piled a few inches up .. in the middle of April. I was worried that the Honey wasn't gonna get home, and he wouldn't have if the blizzard had actually come through, but my life was smiled upon and the kids didn't have school and the honey made it home! Happy Friday the 13th!!

I didn't get PT this week because of my schedule having to take the kids to school this week with the Honey gone, but I havent' felt bad. I have been doing my exercises, felt completely exhausted after work, but other than a little bit of stiffness, not so bad. I still think i'm losing a little bit of weight, but will be grateful to get back to PT next week. I know I do almost all the exercises at home, but something feels better about doing them at the PT gym. I wish I could go to the gym and do regular exercises, but not yet.

Work is kinda slow, but I'm busy getting ready and getting this packed up for a big event. All the stuff gets shipped next thursday so I need to have it all ready to go by then. And, its a lot of stuff. But, its coming together, mostly just paperwork now and identifying the equipment in the boxes, etc. But everything is pretty much tagged and only a bit more sorting and getting the odds and ends together and boxed.

{listening to Force Ten by Rush}

What? There was a holiday?

2007-04-09T06:33:00.000-06:00

I missed it. Things were kinda nuts and we had no Easter. The honey is still on the road, the kids spent most of their day on a plane returning home. Then we spent more time on the road because of weather.

This morning the kids didn't want to get up for school. I think its kinda sucky they didn't get any time back before school, but I didn't make the travel, so I had no control. The roommate took the kids to school, but had a tiff about the princess wearing flip flops. I just can't cope with argument over fucking shoes at 6 in the morning. Like to the point of telling her to change shoes or call a cab. UGH!.. and she's stubborn enough to hold out on that shit, trying to change his mind. God dammit. He's doing me a favor but fucking christ. I guess I will be working late 4 days this week. I dont' know how she's going to get to cheer tomorrow if I do that. Fuck.

Did I mention FUCK!!

So i have therapy today. Which will be good. my neck is sore, but not horrid. I am looking forward to therapy though. Driving in the snow yesterday pretty much tensed me up.

Work will hopefully be slow because not only is the Honey out, but 2 other people are gone as well. Holy shit we will be sooo short handed if its busy.

{Listening to cover of Dave Matthews Band song 'Satellite' bye Mika}
If you haven't listened to Mika, you should. He rocks.

2 weeks..

2007-04-05T06:18:00.000-06:00

since i posted. Man. I just really haven't felt like posting or haven't had time to post. I actually had one started the other day, but it got deleted when I had to leave my train of thought for a couple of hours because of work.

Things have been.. well.. they just really been. Work has been busy, but not bad. I have been feeling alright, but not superb. My neck is still stiff, especially after PT. The kids are still gone so the house is quiet. The Honey had to take an emergency 2 week trip up and down the east coast, so the house is now REALLY quiet. Me & the roommate generally interact for a little while, catch dinner, then he goes to work. I have been tired, crampy, etc. Trying to sleep with Honey gone.

I called my Dr. to give him an update. He had never heard to the phantom itching crap that I feel.I said that it was tolerable since the pain has receded by a considerable amount, though it still is very stiff a lot of the time. I need to followup with him in another 2 weeks and then call my pain dr. for followup with him. Hooray for dr. appts.

Life has been pretty quiet without the kiddos here. I miss them terribly, but they are having fun at the beach and with their cousins and their grandparents. Today they are back at their dads for the remainder of their visit. They come home sunday. I am still nervous about them changing planes, but its not like they are little kids. They are teenagers after all. I still worry. I guess it doesn't change from when they are little and you worry about them riding their bike to their friends house around the corner... just the same worry on a grander (is that a word?) scale. Plus, they travel all easter sunday. Maybe we'll have to go out to dinner or something. Hrm.

{Listening to Penitentiary Philosophy by Erykah Badu}

OMG teehee teehee

2007-03-26T12:26:00.000-06:00

That is the sound of girls giggling. You know, the high school cheerleader type. Yeah. I got one in my house now. The princess made the Varsity Competition Cheerleading team. Not bad for a freshman, gonna be sophmore. I am so very proud of her, now she needs to learn to shake her ass, cause the girl can't dance. I am now dreading the financial committment to this thing. This isn't like a regular cheerleader. You know the kind that cheers at football games and shit. Noooo.. thats not what this is. This is the shit that they show on ESPN. Only they don't show the high school version, they show the college version. So, its like $60/mo (not nearly as bad as we paid for gymnastics alone) and $3000 plus travel expenses. Yeah. I will be a hurting financially mutha. Still, I'm proud of her.

The boy is going to be running track once spring break is over. I hope he sticks with it. The kiddos are off to sunny San Diego for 2 weeks. They are already having fun, though the princess is missing her first meeting for cheer and I get the privledge of going for 2 hrs. HOORAY for being a mommy! *eeek*

Work has alot of things going on in the next two weeks so I am glad that they are off school and I really don't have to worry about it. I have had a stiff/sore neck and it doesn't seem to be getting much better. Though, I must say, its still better than it was and I am doing my PT exercises. Still hard to evaluate how much the rhizotomy is working/worked. I hope I don't have to do it again. I really really really hope I don't have to do it again.

So to sum up the weekend: It was quiet with the kids gone. Kept hearing noises thinking it was them. The princess got chosen for Cheer. I got the pleasure of driving in a blizzard; this was a fucking blast. NOT! Went shopping, got a new bra, after having the trauma of VS not carrying the bra I've worn for the past 10-15 yrs. The new one is awesome, but I have to take it back due to some shiteous stitching. I am sad. I also took some of the Princesses advice and got some tighter shirts. I tried on pants, but they really didn't fit. I couldn't hit the Levi's outlet for ones like I found the other day because of the snow storm. Lets just say that if you have any kind of ass, ultra low rise jeans don't cut it. Or rather, they cut it.. in half. So I passed on the jeans. I played my game and advanced my 2nd character to the maximum level. Now I need to make some money and get my main one back into the swing of things. Maybe over the next couple weeks while the kiddos are gone, if I feel like it.

So, shopping, no kids and a bit of pain. It wasn't such a bad weekend.

{listening to Peace Train by 10,000 Maniacs}

So on a daily note..

2007-03-21T10:26:00.001-06:00

Now that my rant is over, my daily or however often I post update of whats going on is coming.

I am obviously, not emotionally well today.

I had therapy yesterday, which was good, but hurt. I am sore today, but its not hurty, its just muscle sore. Man, do I hope that the surgery worked and keeps up.

The Princess still can't dance, but practiced with the Varsity Cheerleaders last night. She has tonight and tomorrow for the remainder of auditions. If she makes it, I will be happy for her. She will have to work her ass off and grades will have to come first. I will also have to pay $3000 to do this, it will cut into her summer vacation, and $60/mo for gymnastics with her team. However, she's good at being a gymnast. She will be a good competitor if she sticks with it. She's just gotta learn how to dance.

The Boy is still a teenage boy. A kid at their Jr. High committed suicide last week so that has been weighing on him. The kid that died was a friend of the Boy, but not a close friend. They hung out at school only. Fortunately, the Boy took advantage to talk to the counsellors about what he was feeling and how it impacts him. I think that our early sessions with a counsellor for anger management and the open and frank way we deal with depression in our house helps him to be less repressive and more open in talking to people. I am grateful for this. There is a school memorial for the kid today. I am not sure how I feel about this. I am not sure as a parent how I would feel if it were my kid that died. But, the Boy got up, dressed himself respectively today to attend.

Honey comes home tonight. I am grateful. I haven't been sleeping well because of pain and him not being there. The puppies miss him too. The Roommate has been awesome in helping when the Honey has been gone, even though it inconveniences him. I sometimes think that maybe he should think about getting his own place, but I would really miss him if he did that and he helps SO much with the kids. Truly a great roommate, in the grand scheme of things. And a great friend too, which sometimes makes me happy that he's there.

Tonight I have to work until 5, go home, start making the tacquitos for the princesses Fiesta tomorrow, get the honey from the airport around 6:30, get the Princess from tryouts at 7:30, get more tacquitos made. Get lots of them made. I am already tired from not sleeping well, but damn, I got shit to do.

Work is busy, there is stuff i should be doing, but am not. There is stuff I am doing that doesn't need to be done right now. They are painting the new area today, it smells, I might be high. We should be moving in either later this week or next. It is not ideal. It is less than good. It is what we've got.

See what reading gets you?

2007-03-21T10:16:00.001-06:00

So the Honey has been away on business this week. Thankfully, his trip is ending a day early and he gets to come home tonight. I truly miss him when he's gone. Even though sometimes, we hardly have anything to say to one another at home (its all been said at work), I still miss him not sleeping in bed with me. It also gets my mind reeling about his past indiscretion and emotional adultery. While we are not married, in the eyes of god or the state or whatever, we've been together 5 years and live together. We have have a house together, cars together, finances together. I absolutely love being with him and he is truly the absolute best partner I have ever had. He is appreciative, sincere, funny, smart, helpful. He is a totally great guy. I love him. I however, have never had a relationship where my partner hasn't cheated. I have never once cheated on a partner, but in some karmic retribution way, I must deserve this. I realize my own faults in a relationship, work hard to acknowledge them and resolve them as they come up. I also know that I have never stayed with a partner once I have found out about the cheating. I have called it quits, moved on, moved forward and left the relationship behind me. Never have I actually wanted to work things out. Seems as though the cheating was the out I needed or wanted and just took advantage of the opportunity that was knocking.

That all being said, I have some insecurity and trust issues in a relationship. I can generally keep them in check and recognize what is mine to own and what is someone elses shit that I don't really have to deal with. About a year ago, I learned that Honey had been having what I am terming an "emotional affair" with his ex-girlfriend. Background on ex-girlfriend is that he dated her for almost 12 years. In that 12 years, he was ALWAYS the other man. She had boyfriends with him on the side, she has a husband, with him on the side. Other boyfriends while with husband with him on the side. I know her, I've seen her in action with him. He and I were friends for several years before we actually got together and we were friends through his breaking it off with her. I know what she did to him emotionally during their relationship and during their breakup. She is manipulative to the point of sickness, a coke abuser, a liar, and just generally not a very nice person. Now, this is not just my opinion of her. Every single one of the Honey's friends and family had NOTHING nice to say about this woman.

Ok.. so back to the tale of my woe. About a year ago, I found out that Honey had been talking to her, at length, every single day. She had been emailing him suggestive and often sexual photos of herself. She told him she loved him and wanted him to get back together, etc., etc. I also found out that this had been going on for the duration of our relationship. Now, because I know her, and I know how incredibly manipulative she is, I had told him, in the very beginning, that I didn't like him talking to her. I am not normally a jealous or overbearing, ultimatium giving kind of partner, but with her, I felt I needed to express my inability to deal with her in our relationship. Fast forward to Xmas 2005. We are on the road, heading to his parents house for the holiday. We are talking in the car, and as the result of the conversation, I asked if he had talked to her. Honey said No, not in years. Ok.. fast forward to mid-January. Honey left his computer on, is out and about. Asks me to look at his computer for something. I do. Guess what I see? Gushy mushy all over his IM with HER. I read through it, I snooped and found more. Going back to just shortly after our relationship started. YEARS!. I was Horrified. I was absolutely incensed. I was fucking pissed. I let it sit for a bit, I called my sister, she and I talked it out. How in the fuck could he bold faced lie like that? just a month ago? What the hell? So when he finally got home, I let him have it. I was honestly ready to leave. I was ready to pack my shit, grab the kids, find a fucking hotel until we could get an apartment and just leave. But, I couldn't. I wasn't ready, I'm still not ready to give up on Honey. We talk...and talk.. and I rant and rave and he talks and rants and raves. Things calm down for the night. Rinse and repeat for the next couple weeks as I try to digest all this and figure out what the fuck I need and want to do.

We get to a place. An ok place for the time being. I absolutely forbid him his talking to her, emailing her, chatting with her, etc. He says he complies. A couple weeks later, I'm talking to a mutual friend of mine, Honey and Her, who doesn't know what has transpired. He proceeds to tell me that She has been ranting and raving about what a bitch I am and how I am unreasonable and abusive and friend needs to get Honey out of that relationship. I also learn how she's been emailing and IM'ing and calling and he's not responding (whew, lucky honey on that one). However, all of this makes me question, what did Honey tell her? So, I am now pissed off. Did he just stop talking to her? Did he just put the blame on me that i won't "let" him? So, we start in on Round 2 of the talking and ranting and raving and crying. I make him call her on the phone with me there and explain this shit to her. How I can't deal with the I love yous, I want you with me (she's still married with a boyfriend living with her and her husband), the daily conversations about our life, the frustrations about work, money, etc that he doesn't tell me. I could give a flying rats ass if she thinks its me. I really am not up for caring what a coke whore lying manipulator thinks of me. She says I'm an immature stupid bitch and need to get over myself. They hang up. That is feb 2006.

Since then, we, both Honey and I, have worked on our relationship. Until this blew up, we had a good relationship. But, we have both put in exhaustive measures, counseling, etc to make a go of this. Yet, there are times, when the whole thing creeps back in. The years of lying to my face about talking to her. The distrust is still there. I realize that I own this distrust. Honey is absolutely understanding that I am not capable of just "dropping it". He does all the reassuring that he can when I get in a tissy about it, when it consumes me and I worry about it. I worry about what in our relationship is so wrong that he has to go back to her. How horrible do I have to be that he chooses everything I know about their previous relationship (not good things..) over what we have?

The JUICE OF THE POST..
Well.. he's been travelling alot. Our mutual friend said he (friend, not honey) was talking to her. I start getting in my head that maybe he's telling the truth that Honey is not talking to her, but perhaps he's talking through friend to her. This sets off all my emotions about did I do the right thing? If he would just tell me he was talking to her, there would be a clear path for my resolution. As it is, I mostly, deep down, believe it when he says he isn't. I think (hope?) that he realizes that despite some of our issues (which are few and this is the absolute most major), we have a good thing going. Then I start reading blogs and come across one about a cheating husband and all the emotions that go with that. It just stirs up so much more and raises everything I am trying to hard to push down, up to the surface. So I dump on him. While he's in the airport, waiting for his plane to bring him home, to all my insecure bullshit. I am very careful in expressing that I recognize this is MY bullshit. MY baggage. MY whateveryouwanttocallit. I know its mine. I know that this was triggered by nothing that he said or did or didn't do or say. But I need him to help me move forward..today. Get me through it. But he's not here. So I get to rant on my blog and simmer in my self-created shit stew.

more poking and prodding

2007-03-20T06:45:00.000-06:00

What a crazy last week (almost) it has been. Work, still crazy busy with shit to do. Honey is traveling on business so this week is even more convoluted than usual because of having to change my schedule around so that I can get the princess to school.

So, to catch up. I had my rhizotomy last Wednesday. This went well. I was out of it for Wed and Thurs and still too sore on Fri to go to work. Saturday started feeling a bit better, but am still sore today. I have therapy today, so we'll see how that goes. As far as the surgery went, I have minor to moderate actual sensation in the left side of my neck. I can feel pressure and I can feel that the muscles themselves are tight and sore, but beyond that, I can't feel much. I have what I call "phantom itches" where my neck itches, but i can't actually feel it when I scratch. Its weird to say the least. We will see how the therapy goes today. Its not quite been a week, but it definately feels better.

While I was out the latter half of last week, work went to hell in a handbasket and I am in fear that a personality conflict is going to cause me to lose the best helpdesk person I have. Our furniture fell through for the new expansion area, so now we are getting shiteous furniture with no walls. Like I thought a cube farm for the helpdesk was going to be crap, now its going to be just fucking tables and shit, but not really tables. I guess counters is a more apt description. I guess thats what I get for working at a non-profit.

On Friday, the Princess became grounded. She got a whole 4 F's on her report card. I about shit and lost my lid with her on Friday. She has no internet, no phone, no friends until they are C's. She did not enjoy the weekend, or the constant lectures about grades.

My nephew got in a horrible car accident and totaled his truck on Friday night. I found out Saturday when my sister called me. He was drinking and driving, wrapped his truck around a tree and rolled it a couple times. He and his girlfriend are ok, surprisingly still alive, and just banged and bruised. He is 17. He was arrested and has no truck and no license now, as well as an aggravated DUI. He is such a good kid, but reminds me of his dad.

My other sister sent me the family photos and photos of my littlest niece. I got those on Thursday. They (the niece pictures) are soo cute. Man, she looks like she's going to be a fireball. Just the little look in her eye says mischief. The family pictures are about as I figured and I don't care for them because I am fat (at least according to myself). But I went and bought some frames on Sunday anyway. I also actually bought a pair of flip flops. Now they are nice leather flip flops, that I actually wore to work yesterday, but they are still flip flops, which I don't buy and don't wear. So, that was a change.

Nothing eventful for St. Paddy's day. This made me sad, but I just wasn't up to it. Had to make some food for a Cultural Event happening of some sort for the Princess to get 50 points extra credit in 2 of her flunking classes. This was a must. I also have to make more food on Wednesday. Not sure how all thats going to work out since I have to work till 5 and take her to cheer tryouts.

yes, I gave in on grounding for cheer tryouts. I only did it because I don't think that its fair for her to miss the tryouts for next season. That takes away motivation for the whole next year. Maybe I am too easy, but she's got tryouts the 4 days this week. She was embarrassed that I went and stayed and watched. I think this was good enough. It is my intent to do this for the rest of the sessions, but I don't know because I have shit to do this week, including therapy, working late and making her more food for the fucking fiesta in her spanish class. So we'll see.

Hopefully honey comes home tomorrow instead of thursday. There is just too much to do this week. UGH.

Time Flies when you are having fun...

2007-03-13T00:38:00.000-06:00

Or when you are just incredibly busy. Work, not fun is what has prevented me from posting lately. Work is on the order of psychotic. 10 laptops to build in a week, specialized installations. Its a blast. Tons of other weirdo problems that have to be dealt with including a mass influx of hardware issues. People being pissy, shit being broke (not my responsibility stuff).

I have generally felt like major doo doo. My neck has been stiff, clear down into my shoulder. I did therapy tuesday and thursday of last week and just couldn't deal with the exercises. I couldn't hold my posture for more than about 5 mins at a time without excruciating pain and stiffness. I kept having to slouch(sp?) just to get a minute of reprieve. My shoulder was dang near immobile because of the stiffness. Therapy did some deep tissue work and this helped some, but man, it was horrible. This crap continued through the weekend and didn't really do much. Stayed with my trusty flexeril most of the time, but that doesn't help when the stiffness and tightness is extreme.

The Honey, the Boy, the Roommate and some friends all went to see 300 in the IMAX. They had a great time. Said the action scenes in the IMAX were amazing. The Princess and I went to see Music and Lyrics. This was a cute chick flick. I will probably buy it on DVD. It wasn't as horrible as the reviews have made it seem, but definately a chick flick.

I played my game some, though I didn't really get much accomplished with my main character. I mostly leveled up some lower level ones. It was fun, but I wish that I could have gotten more done with my main. Unfortunately she is at the point of relying on others to assist. Oh well.

Tomorrow is my rhizotomy. I am somewhat looking forward to it because I am hoping that it will provide more permanent relief of the pain and stiffness. I am also dreading it. I just know that it will be painful for recovering over the next few days. Scheduling work around those days has been not so great because the Honey is at a conference and can't take me or pick me up. I have to have the roommate come pick me up and then have honey and roommate go get my car that night. Oh well, I think that after tomorrow I won't care about much other than the recovery pain. I also have therapy today, which hopefully will do me some good. I cannot take any meds until after my procedure. That is no good. Oh well, i've been living that worse for the last 8 months or so, I can cope with a few more days (hopefully).

Besides all that, the kids have had standardized testing and the Boy is hellaciously sick with some sinus infection. The princess has decided to quit track. They go visit their dad in 2 weeks, for 2 weeks. I am going to miss them terribly. The good news is that he has been pleasant the last few times i've talked to him, but the bitch girlfriend hasn't been around either.

one week older...

2007-03-07T06:25:00.000-07:00

whats going through my head with that title is "another day older and deeper in debt". Thats not exactly how i am feeling, but it was in my head.

Actually, it has been a fairly calm week since I last posted. Work has been busy. I have been going to PT and rushing the kids to and fro. My neck is severely stiff and i can't hardly move my arm at all because it has tightened down into my shoulder blade. At PT yesterday they loosened it up and I muscle relaxed my way to slumberland last night, but it still is really painful and sore. Yet, I am at work. I really want to stick it out today.

The kids are having CSAP testing, which is the colorado version of standardized testing. The princess's schedule is all messed up because of it and I am trying to finagle actually getting her to school for her 10:15 start time. Its just crazy that they don't think about how parents are to get the kids to these classes, just that they better. What a crock of shit, but what can you do. Not like schools think about the impact they have on the families when they make stupid ass decisions like this.

Next week is the rhizotomy. I am nervous for that. The honey has training all week and probably won't be able to take me. The following week he leaves for business for 4 days. That is also going to suck because my whole schedule gets fubar'd. I hate having to switch shifts to take the kiddos to school and what not.

I finally got my TENS machine from physical therapy and boy does that help alot. Its very nice to sit and relax for 15 mins while I have that on. I am bummed that I have been too hurty to do my exercises for the past 2 days, but we'll see. Tomorrow is another day of PT, hopefully I'll not be so stiff and in pain. The biggest thing is that my muscles are just spasming from my shoulder up to my neck. 2 Days of this and its old and annoying and painful. I actually directed the boy through making dinner last night because I couldn't use my left arm without some crazy pain and spasm.

The roommate is all up in arms about the game and what they did to his most powerful character. We ran a quick low level instance last night and he was NOT happy about it. Honestly, I didn't see much difference, however, I do think there would be more noticable difference in a higher end instance. Which is unfortunate, but oh well. I guess I just can't get myself worked up over dmg loss or whatever. It is just a game. I'll play it as long as I have fun. If they need to reduce some characters dmg or threat output to make things even among the classes or whatever, then great, do it. He just tends to obsess about the game and shit. Yes, a true addict. I am not. I can go for days without playing, even weeks and it doesn't bother me to just come back and pick up where I left off. Anyway, I have been having a bit of fun. I have been trying to get my end game dungeon keys and shit like that. Its all very boring and difficult stuff because you have to rely on others to help with this stuff. Getting those others to help when I'm available has been a challenge, so I just wait.

The construction started on the server room to build cubes and such. This is where my new cube will be. I am giving up my office to the Network and System Administrators. This i don't really care about. I am also getting a huge manager's cube. I guess this is fine too. I am more worried about having a lab area to work on machines. Which I get. Sometimes its nice to be the only female voice. They sometimes listen to me more. We had a meeting yesterday. The boss wanted all of us to "brainstorm and research" on worldwide outage notification and how we can manage it for 3K users. So I took 10 mins to google it and see whats out there. We had about an hour to prep for the meeting. I researched some things, just glancing over them to see would they, at the most basic level, meet the vague needs that were provided. We get into the meeting and i am the only one who even looked into it. Fortunately, I had covered the bases that were floating around the boss' head in regard to what he had in mind. The meeting was short because of this. I'm glad of that, but everyone was like "way to go E!, you're a rock star" I am a rock star because I looked into it? HA! excellent. I love that. Remember the rock stardom at review time in 2 months. I think we are still on hold for the 3rd position on the Helpdesk. I still think they are going to want me to manage said Helpdesk. Not that I don't already, cause I mostly do, but I don't have the accountability for it, well not really. Shit falls apart and I was responsible for it, I still have to account, but right now there is a buffer between me and the next boss up and he generally takes the hit for me if he has to, which he doesn't often, but he has. Mostly in dealing with irate people in the wrong. Oh well, not like I haven't managed things before. I guess getting in at the beginning of a world wide helpdesk from the bottom end is good, right? I just worry about losing my technical skills. Will have to keep up with that should management happen. Otherwise, I'm not too worried about it.

{listening to Home Again by Oingo Boingo}

Ice Skating anyone?

2007-03-01T09:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah.. so we got hit with snow yesterday and it proceeded to turn all the roads into ice skating rinks. I-25 had a 40-50 car pileup that closed the highway for HOURS. Multitude of accidents aroudn town, etc. This morning we had a delay and I just didn't want to get out of bed and come to work. I drove on the rink and it was horrid. Got to sliding pretty good in a few spots, thankfully, not over the bridge. Now I'm at work, 2 hrs late, but here (I still had about an hour and a half before work actually opened). We are done getting snow until tomorrow night and today is starting off to being a sunshine-y day! Hooray. Maybe it will be all melted off by the time I leave work. I do love me some short work days though.

I have PT today. I am glad to go, but am super sore today. I feel like I need to have my back adjusted. Maybe I can get them to do it for me. Hrm.. I also get my tens machine which should help my muscles in my neck.

I am currently disappointed in my attorney. I faxed them one of my medical bills and got a call back saying "you're gonna have to pay that". I about shit. That is part of the reason I hired an attorney so that I don't have to pay out of pocket medical expenses that will bankrupt me while I am continuing treatment. As I explained to the Assistant to the Legal Assistant "I have amassed a small fortune in co-pays and know that I need to pay them, but the reason I hired you was so that I didn't have huge out of pocket medical expenses and don't get sent to collections for not paying the bills" The assistant then said that she would have the Legal Assistant call me. Hasn't happened. They called me on Monday, it's Thursday, no word from the Legal Assistant. Hrmm. Maybe my point got through so they will do, oh I don't know, what I'm paying them to do? Its a thought.

One of my oldest and bestest friends called and he's moving to Denver and getting his social networking business up and running in Denver/COS. He wants me to be part of the launch and corrdination here in COS. I dunno if I can do it. It takes a whole lot of time, effort, corrdinatation, partying, etc. that I am not sure I have with a full-time job, 2 teenagers, physical therapy and injuries. I told him we would talk about it.

Hopefully work won't be so bad today. I am tired. Sinus headache coming on strong.

{Listening to the APL song by Black Eyed Peas}

Grumpdillicious

2007-02-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

Yeah, i'm grumpy grumpy today. I went to bed pissed at the Princess because I can't seem to enforce the priority of school and doing well in school. I got up yelling at the boy because he was decided that the time he needed to get in the shower this morning was when I get in the shower..every morning. Plus, there were no towels.

Work is psycho stupid crazy. shit was broke this morning, fixed it, people calling because shit i can't fix is also broke, people calling this morning because they are too stupid to do their job and believe that we(me) should be doing it for them. Nevermind that I will teach you how to do it, no no.. god forbid that, just do it for them and thats good. One lady has called everyday since last thursday, about 5-6 times a day, with the same questions that we go over and over with her each time. She doesn't get it, she doesn't want to get it, she wants to keep calling me. Plus, she's a bitch because the fact that she doesn't get it and doesn't want to get it is somehow reflective upon me. Interesting.. run with that logic, darling. Run far, run fast.

Its supposed to snow today. I am sore from PT. It was quite the workout after not going for a week. Went to dinner last night, it was tasty, but the kids wanted to dish it out with each other but not take it. The Honey brought me breakfast today, because i asked him to, but i just asked him and hung up. I told him that i was grumpy and didn't want to grump at him for no reason other than i am pissy for a multitude of reasons.

So.. haven't even begun to bust out some itunes this morning. Maybe I should and i will start to be less grumpilicious. Hrm.. thought. Oh.. if you haven't caught the SNL skit with Justin Timberlake called "Dick in a Box".. catch it.. hilarious..

Holy helluva

2007-02-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

What a week it has been. Things have gone from crazy to psycho at work. I was out Thursday with a migraine that just kicked my ass. Even migraine meds only 1/2 way did the trick. Vomiting, auras, head being pounded with what felt like a sack of bricks. UGH. I stayed in bed except to puke and pee. Not saying a whole lot since I couldn't even keep water down.

The Honey comes home tomorrow, the kids have things to do tonight and tomorrow. I have gotten my starbucks on Wed and Fri of this week, which was tasty. They just don't last long enough. HA! maybe I slurp them down?

I haven't done PT this week because of the messed up schedule. The migraine yesterday did not help my neck at all. I was in bed and finally had to take a Flexeril to combat the stiffness in my neck.

I am hungry today. Very hungry. I will be getting lunch in a bit. Not sure what I will be getting though.

So I made it...

2007-02-20T07:17:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a long weekend. Had Monday off work due to presidents day. It was actually a fairly productive weekend. The kids had a good time, I went shopping, I gamed, there was cleaning done.

The Princess went up to Denver area to visit her friend she hadn't seen since 5th grade in Arizona. We took her up to Castle Rock to meet them on Saturday. The roads were total crap and icy on the way there. The Honey drove against his wishes, but I'm glad he did. I freaked the whole way and he didn't appreciate it, but still I don't know that I could have dealt with all the traffic and ice and pileups. So we had a bit of a row because I was freaking and he was generally pissed that I made him drive. He did it anyway, though, thats why I love him. He didn't just tell me to suck it up and get on the road myself. Grumpily, he drove it. He didn't protest at doing it, just let it be known he wasn't happy about it. When we finally got home, he went to the movies with his friends while I stayed home. Figured space was needed after 2.5 hrs in the car with a freaking out woman who was riding your ass because she was freaking out. The boy went to the movies with his friends, hung out with friends, did whatever it is that boys do with their friends. He helped me clean, earned his money. I gamed. It was a nice day after the fiasco over driving, but everyone recovered.

On Sunday, the Roommate and I went back to Castle Rock to pick up the Princess. She had a good time, we ended up staying at the mall and shopping. Both the Roommate and I spent too much money, but I got a really cute Coach purse that I love a lot. The princess was a bit peeved cause she wanted one too. I just can't afford 2 Coach purses in a weekend. One was over my sensibilities limit. She got a sweatshirt and earrings and other stuff. The drive wasn't so bad since the roads were mostly clear. My car is a grimey mess after Saturday's drive. We went and had great sushi on Sunday night and the Princess went on a date, even though she says it wasn't a date. It was and she had a good time.

Monday was lounge around the house for the most part day. The Princess and I went shopping and I got 2 new sweaters, she got a new pair of pants and the Boy got 2 shirts and a sweatshirt. The Honey and I went on a date for dinner. It was Chili's but it was tasty. The Boy went and hung out with his friends, went to a movie, played some football. It was a great day outside both Sunday and Monday. Hopefully more this week.

Tuesday is starting out fairly rough at work. Crazy problems, crazy people. People unavailable because they just don't want to work on the issue. *sigh* its kinda crazy busy. I have therapy today. The Honey leaves on business tomorrow morning. He's gone the rest of the week and comes home on Sat. My hours are adjusted so that I can take the kids to school. Its just going to be a crazy week.

Starbucks rocks

2007-02-16T06:27:00.000-07:00

So, its finally friday. Thank god for small favors. I am SORE SORE SORE after PT yesterday. My neck is nearly immobile. Not necessarily because of PT, but mostly because we have started light exercises and it works those muscles, which are not so politely refusing to be worked at all. It is just more confirmaton of the rhizotomy in a month to hopefully provide a more permanent relief. Though, at only 2 weeks after the facet injections and the pain is returning in full force, I don't have high hopes that the rhizotomy will actually be permanent. Nonetheless, the March 14 appointment can't come soon enough.

So a friend of mine sent me an email informing me that the Starbucks is offering free t-shirts Feb 15-Feb 28. They have a limited number each day and a specific time that they get started giving them away. I got mine yesterday and it is in the mail. But, anyway, the design of the t-shirt is "Your" starbucks drink. And you customize it and they put that on a t-shirt and send it to you for free. Now.. I love starbucks. Probably more than the next person, but less than some people. So, I naturally got my t-shirt. I also had to call my sister to tell her since we used to go to starbucks EVERY morning on our way to work. This was a few years ago when we worked near each other and actually lived in the same state. She also used to be a Starbucks manager and continues to have her daily starbucks. Unfortunately for me, I don't get mine daily anymore. Mostly because I have to be at work before Starbucks opens, so there really is no point in stopping if they are closed and can't give me my coffee. But.. a free t-shirt, customized by me, yeah.. starbucks rocks. The honey is going to bring me starbucks this morning. He is awesome.

I am still listening to madonna. I think I have like 3 more albums left. I *might* get through them today. Its not torture, otherwise I would change it. I can do that since I really am in control of the iTunes, right? Right. HA. iPod/iTunes controls me!! I still love my iPod, though I haven't listened to it much in the past couple weeks. I just been busy. I need to get in the habit of listening to it while I sit at my computer.

Speaking of computers. The Princess' power supply went out yesterday. She had a near panic attack because she was chatting with J, the boy that she fancies. I got her hooked up on the laptop. This took all of about 2 minutes and she was freaking. *sigh* Teenage girls are sooo dramatic.

The boy wanted to stay home sick yesterday. I made him go to school. He came home after puking in the hallway on the way to the nurses office and when he got there had a fever of 100. Oops, my bad for not believing he was sick. I apologized to him, but he was still jumping around and not looking like he feels sick when I got home.

The princess is home today not feeling good. She is also just kinda not going to school to get some chores done so that she has money to go to Parker to visit her friend this weekend. She had a tough time deciding if she wanted to stay home or go to school because she doesn't get to have her date with J. tonight or go out with any other friends. Its a rule. You stay home sick from school, you stay home sick from friends. She tried to beg, plead, steal, bargain me out of it, but I have held firm on that one with the Boy so many times, its easy to to stick on that one.

Hopefully work will be slow enough that I can just cruise through the day and not actually have to do any mind work. I do have to deal with Pivot table troubleshooting, though, which is sucky and I will have to think about it. But, its one of those things that if I can't figure it out, I'm off the hook. Those kinds of things are kinda best effort. Most things I can tell you how to do, or how to figure out, pivot tables are their own little beast that I try to stay away from.

{listening to Don't Cry for me Argentina by Madonna(of course)}

deadlines & viruses

2007-02-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

This week has just been crazy at work. Our satellite offices (about 300 of them) have a deadline for submitting data to us. We provide the format and the data required. They decide (as they do every year) that the last 3 days is when they need to hop on getting their data submitted. As the only person that is supporting the software used for submitting the data, I have been busy busy busy. I also have a user who is crying because her home computer is just totally infected with a virus. Cleaning this over the phone is rough. I am about ready to offer to come over to her house to fix it or try to. Its just rough. We also launched a new program yesterday, that, SURPRISE .. is broken. Now this isn't our groups fault, we just have to take all the irate phone calls for it. Please note the release of another product back in Sept/Oct that caused me headache. I believe i documented my pain and suffering in the blog back around that time. Well.. this product is based o the previous product, by the same screwball development company, who couldn't find their ass with both hands and a map. This has caused a ton of work for the honey, and my headache with the whole thing is just starting since they released a piece of shit.. again. The project manager of this project is a total moron and I don't know how he keeps his job. He fucked up the last release, he's fucking up this one. We've lost funding, schools, teachers, etc. and he maintains his stupid job. If i even thought about fucking up 1/2 as bad as he has, I would be fired. Fortunatley, I don't fuck up on that scale, or that often.

My neck is hurting and like i have mentioned, just gradually getting worse. Its still better than it was, but I am hoping that the rhizotomy is a more permanent type of resolution. The knot is back, the stiffness, catching and headaches are back, though not as severe. I have PT today and am still doing light neck exercises. We have stepped up some of the knee exercises too, which is good.

I wore my size 14 pants today to work. They were tight, but not uncomfortable. I was proud of this. I think I am going to try on some more this weekend to see if its a fluke. 2 more sizes by may.. i think i can do it, but we'll see. I wish that I could do more cardio. My therapist said that I should ask the doctor if I can do treadmill and such at the gym.

Both the princess and the boy start track next week. The princess informed me that she is trying out for cheerleading for the fall. I think thats great, she can make varsity easy enough because of her gymnastics. Not sure that she has the rhythm to be a cheerleader, but she could probably do it if she tries hard and practices. The drawback to cheerleading is that it is holy hell expensive.

The princess is going to see her friend from 5th grade in AZ who lives in colorado now. I think she's spending the weekend there. We are meeting at the outlet malls in castle rock. I am gonna try to go shopping a little bit. I really want some new sweaters, maybe a Coach purse. We'll see how finances look though. The honey needs new tires on the Expedition.

The boy is complaining he is sick... again. I am wondering what is up with him. I made him go to school since he has or has tried to be out of school at least one day a week since the holiday break. They both get 2 weeks off here soon enough and will be spending it in sunny san diego with their idiot father. I didn't realize when he made the place reservations that he has them coming home easter weekened. This throws my plans out the window of going to IA with the honey, but oh well. We'll have to see how that all works out as the time nears closer.

I recently got all my madonna albums ripped to iTunes so I have been listening to Madonna. Man, I recognize that in the 80's my mom wouldn't let me wear the lace and necklaces and torn clothes, even though I did. But truly, her music hasn't aged past its prime. Sure there are some songs that are really 80's songs, but most of her stuff has maintained the sound of the current. This is just listening to the songs. I'm sure if I looked at the CD covers or watched a video I would cringe, run to a corner cower and cry. But the songs themselves have maintained relatively well. Even from the 90's, which were some of her better albums. I am also still a big fan of her most recent work. I type that because I have my iTunes to play the songs once, in order of least number of times played, until I cycle through them. I haven't gotten around to making actual playlists yet, but I kinda like this way because I get to hear the stuff that I don't normally choose on the ipod. So, anyway, since I recently imported Madonna, she's top of the not played list and I am just working my way through the list. Now, the drawback for this, is that once I go through her once, and all the other songs that haven't been played before, she's back at the top of only been played once. Fortunately, I also put some aerosmith in there that hasn't been played. So, for the next few days, I think I'll be listening to some aerosmith and all of madonna. Flogging Molly and Elvis Costello are next though. I love Flogging Molly. One of my favorite bands of all time. I missed Tatu at Jack Quinn's last night, but oh well. I would have just liked to have gone and saw them.

{listening to La Isla Bonita (Instrumental version) by Madonna}

Sexy Back

2007-02-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not brining Sexy Back. That is Justin Timberlakes job. I just really like that song and its on my iTunes right now and I couldn't think of anything for a title today. That is a catchy tune.

Busy week at work ahead of me. I slept good, but not much so I am still tired. Played my game for a while this weekend. Almost got another level. Man its slow going, but still fun. Maybe tonight I'll get the level and then next weekend i'll get one more. I also started playing my other character and maybe I will get both of them to the highest. I think the Honey is going to be the first one with 2 characters at the highest level. Oh well, it probably won't be me, thats for sure. There is some stuff I am going to have to research this week for the game, but its still pretty fun.

Got the house cleaned, got the kids some money. They actually helped. Not without kicking and screaming, but they helped alot. Now to keep them earning their money every day.. that is the challenge. The house looked nice and we got almost everything I wanted done.

Have therapy Tues/Thurs this week, but hopefully its going to be good. I sat at my desk alot this weekend and could feel my neck tightening up. I took 2 flexeril for sleep last night and that seemed to help, so I'm not SUPER sore today, but i wouldn't have been able to get to sleep without the meds either, I was so sore. Oh well. I keep marchin forward.

Great music rotation today. Super Duper Love by Joss Stone is closing this post out today!

Fabulous Friday..

2007-02-09T12:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, I lied. Its not all that fabulous. Its kinda blah, actually. Been busy at work. Got house work planned for the weekend, got therapy planned for this evening. The Honey is sick, the kids have stuff to do, but i'm making them cancel to help me clean the house. I know its not Spring, but its definately time for spring cleaning... cause I'm the mom and I said so.

My neck "golf ball" is slowing making its appearance again. I guess the rhizotomy is what needs to happen. Its been a week. The pain has subsided considerably, but every day is a new day in determining how its going to react to sitting for a long period or, like today, doing my therapy. I am kinda not anxious about therapy today.

Work has been moderately busy today, but not too bad. Still got a deadline I'm working with customers on, and thats causing major tight scheduling, but oh well, I'm workin' it. We are also releasing a new program next wednesday, but for the people supporting it, we haven't even got to see it yet. Now, we did get some documentation on it, which is a huge improvement over the nothing we usually get, but still I need some answers.

Hopefully cleaning will go fast with the kids helping me and I will get the opportunity to play my game. I am actually having fun again. WOOHOO! I would also like to get out and shoot some pool, but we'll see how that goes.

Where's the weekend already?

2007-02-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

Its Thursday. It has been a long week, seemingly. I have been busy at work, been busy at home. So many things on my to-do list, that I just can't even contemplate them all. I think I will have kids stay home this weekend and we will make a dent in housework.

The honey is home sick today. I went to PT yesterday. We didn't start back into neck exercises, but we are going to on Friday. The more I sit at a computer, the more the pain comes back. Its unfortunate that this is now a permanent injury. I hate that. I hate that for the rest of my life, I will have to buck up the funds to have a fairly expensive surgery every few years just to maintain.

No time really to type this morning, got lots of work to get done.

{listening to Re-Arranged by Limp Bizkit}

5 days

2007-02-07T06:13:00.000-07:00

Its been 5 days since my neck injections. They are starting to wear off a bit. I can feel some of the pain and stiffness returning, but still not as bad as it was. I talked to the dr.'s office and I am getting back into PT right away. And I can start neck exercises. I also set up the appointment for a month out to have the nerves cauterized. This seem so permanent. They are sending me more information on it, but I guess its my only option if I can't get longer than a week of no pain. I have also had a headache since the procedure, which I am not real fond of. They said this was not uncommon.

I am still contemplating a new phone for the Princess since her dad believes that to be his last vestige of control over me and her. Let her keep the phone he got her, let him call her on it. Other than that, he can go fuck himself sideways with all his bullshit. I am truly sick of his crap. He doesn't give a rats ass or concern about the Boy, he just thinks its alright to give the Princess a huge load of shit, process what he said for a few days, feel bad, then say "im sorry". Well Sorry doesn't fuckin cut it. Sorry doesn't take away all the shit you said to her and how you got her to cry herself to sleep. You are truly an amazing fucking parent you cocksucker. It is unfortunate that after 22 years of friendship, he has become an gigantic black hole of narcissism and I really wish he'd give up his half-assed notion of parental control and leave me and them the fuck alone. He just doesn't fucking get that they are afraid to tell him what an asshole he is being, so they keep it inside or tell me. And he doesn't listen to me, so they just suck up everything that he says and does to them; every mean word, every broken promise, every forgotton birthday or holiday, every check in the mail that never arrives. I am really still on fire over his bullshit this weekend. That just steamed me to no end. And yet, I was calm and chose my words carefully on the phone, but he still tells the princess that I yelled at him. What a fucking lying cock. Play the game you whore. I am not as dumb as you think I am and I am aware of far more than you think.

Now.. back to the regularly scheduled programming.. work has been busy, weird little thing busy, but thats ok. I slammed my hand into the door jam this morning, and think I broke my hand. It is swollen, has a knot and hurts to move it. Typing is a chorse this morning. Still working on hiring

So.. thats about it. I think I ranted so much cause I have been listening to Nine Inch Nails this morning. HA! Anger therapy! I am hungry.. have headache, hurt hand and therapy today. WOOT

Results?

2007-02-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

Well, I got my spinal shots on Saturday morning. They said they would give me happy drugs, but that i wouldn't pass out. Guess what? Hour later in the recovery room, I was waking up. HA! Hope it was a good nap. Even before I left the hospital, I was feeling better. NOticable pain decreate, even the stiffness in my neck was better. I have to call back today to talk and explain a couple of the things that I am experiencing, find out when I can go back to PT, schedule my next appointment, etc., but overall, much improvement.

I didn't get out to do much because, despite the improvement, they still shoved needles in my neck so i have sore muscles. But I was able to play a little on the computer on Sunday, even went out of the house! Saturday I stayed in bed all day. I was tired, and sore, but, like I said, still improved.

On friday, shit hit the fan with the ex-husband and princess over her text messages. He railed her up one side and down the other, but when I called him on it, he didn't have the balls to give me shit. What a fucking coward. Can't get into it with me, but can certainly make a 15yr old feel like ass. He even drug the boy into it, and unfortunatley he got sucked in. He felt like crap too, but I think he's learning his dad's games. Too sad for his dad. His fucking girlfriend I am sure is behind a bunch of this nonsense, not that she wants the princess to live there anyway. She is too jealous of her to actually let that happen again. I just don't know what the hell their problems are. Grow the hell up, people. Man, I am sad to say that I really just don't like the girlfriend. She can go to hell. Sadly, their dad isn't gonna realize that she caused issue between him and his kids until it is too late. It makes me wonder if she's got super-pussy or something, the way she controls him. He is a totally different person now that he's with her. Maybe mind-control pussy. UGH.. i just don't like her, but he's a big boy, pushin 40 and needing to act more like his 27 yr old girlfriend than an actual adult with kids.

On top of that, Friday was not the day that I wanted to deal with his crap, I was nervous, didn't feel good, etc. and instead I spend the afternoon/evening trying to make him see some god damned sense. Fuck him sometimes. Needless to say, it got worked out, though he ended up telling me and telling the princess 2 different versions of the events, so I'm pretty sure its not worked out, but he'll just hold it for me until the next time. What a cock. It is truly unfortunate that one of my best friends since I was 14, the father of my 2 kids, can't continue a friendship after 22 years. Buck up fool, she aint worth losing your friends and your kids.

Well, besides that, not much happened this weekend because, I couldn't do anything. I did almost get another level in my game. I might try to finish that tonight. So very close. Work is going to be busy this week, I have a feeling. I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but I did put like $15 in the pool. I got a call from one of my friends sayin I had won like $50, but that she had won like $250. Good for both of us. We'll see if I won more than that! The game wasn't over when she called. Maybe I mopped up. I don't even know how I won, which is probably the saddest part. It was one of those fill in the square things. $1 or $5 a square. Beyond that, I don't really know how its tallied or how a winner is declared, but I will gladly take my ignorant winnings!!

There was no snow this weekend. It was all over by Saturday morning. So that was a plus. Still cold as shit on Saturday, but Sunday was much better. Dare I say, Sunday was a pleasant day outside. Being that I actually ventured outside, I can say that.

Witches Tits in a Brass Bra

2007-02-02T07:32:00.000-07:00

Holy shit has it been cold this week. OMG this morning the kids schools were delayed because of -18 degree wind chilld. The roads have been icy because of snow, but no work delays. I was kinda hoping today work would be cancelled, but alas, it wasn't.

I have my cervical spine injections tomorrow. They called to move up the appointment. I am nervous. I have PT today, but am sore as all hell. I have been sleeping better, but still not good. Still going to bed after 10.

Work has been busy, kids have been busy. I am sure they are busy this weekend, but I won't be able to do anything because of my shots. They put you out, or give you an epidural. Then suggest 24-48 hrs rest. So, we'll see.

Weekend down, 4 days to go..

2007-01-30T11:37:00.000-07:00

I am sad to report that I am at the point of almost living for the weekends. Why? Not quite sure except sleep. I am so tired these days but am not sleeping well. Like on Friday night, I ended up staying up until 5am when I finally went to bed and slept till noon. Then Saturday night, I went to bed at 4 and up at 7. Sunday night, bed at 11 up at 4, Monday night, bed at 2 up at 5. I am truly too old for this shit. I need my non-beauty rest.

The kids FINALLY got their Xmas presents from their dad. They were excited and I'm glad he finally came through for them.

Today is the princess's physical hopefully i have everything I need for that.

I had to change my PT schedule for this week to Wed & Fri. I am supposed to go play pool Wed night with a friend. We'll see how that goes. I am excited though. I want to start playing more, again.

Physically, I've been doing pretty good, especially with my screwed up sleep schedule. My neck is always hurting, but I have to just keep plugging along because lying in bed isn't going to help things and I have stuff that needs to be done. I am a bit anxious for my neck shots, but will just keep doing PT until that happens. A month out now. Crap, i wish it was a bit sooner.

The weekend was spent gaming, which was fun. I am leveling up alright since the expansion came out, but I still wish I had more time to committ to it. I feel a bit inadequate in some of the instances, but I guess that just takes time. *sigh*

Still trying to finagle going to the Czech Republic in August and now maybe Orlando with the kids in June. Dang. Too much traveling I want to do, not enough funds to do it.

How are you? Me? I'm Asstastic!!

2007-01-26T06:13:00.000-07:00

Well I had full intent on posting more this week, but circumstances kind of took hold and ran with the whole family this week.

Everyone has been sick. I went to the dr. and have a respiratory infection. Pretty sure, thats what everyone else has too, though they aren't wanting to buck up and go to the doctor. The princess has had a rough emotional week as she's missing her dad and a boy she likes is being a jerk. Its also pms week, so she's got a rollercoaster going on anyway. the Boy has just been, well, a teenage boy. The Honey has been sick as well, so the grumps has roamed the house. Four out of six of us at work were sick, so that was fun. Princess and I stayed home from school/work once this week, the boy, he might be staying home today. He was sounding worse for wear as he was headed to bed last night. The Honey? well he's had some time off, but not because of being sick. We also had our water heater replaced. Now, fortunately for all of this, we actually purchased the new water heater before the old one died. I think I might have actually killed people if I would have been out of hot water this week. But, nonetheless, he ended up having to take 1/2 day on monday, and 1/2 day on thursday to go meet with the water heater installer. Oh yeah, it also cost an additional $150 to get the stupid thing installed because of the age of our old water heater and the building codes having changed. They had to run a new gas line, new ventilation, move the water heater away from the wall, holy crap enough shit. I still think thats what we paid the $250 to Sears for in the first place, but what do I know.

Work has been busy, despite my not wanting to be there due to feeling generally craptacular. On wednesday one boss got pissy and jumped my shit. Apologized that he was a little bitch, but still I was feeling like shit and he jumped me first thing in the morning about stuff i didn't have control over. Fuck, it was not a good way to start the day. Besides that incident, however, its been a fairly productive week. I have worked on documentation, interviews for new Sys Admin, general this that and the other things. The Honey has also been busy and I haven't seen him but one day this week for lunch. Weird. He's just had to be down at the colo alot workin on servers. Oh well, I suppose that keeps us from fighting, we may work at the same place, but we arent' in each others faces all day and all night.

I cancelled PT on tuesday because of being contagious and staying home from work. I went on thursday and feel alright. I needed the workout because i hadn't done it since last week and had spent alot of time just lying in bed. It felt good, I even felt good enough to cook dinner last night. I thought it was good, too! Baked Chicken with Raspberry Chipotle sauce, steamed brussel sprouts and yellow squash and some long grain rice. Overly healthy for our household. Everyone ate the chicken and rice. Roommate and I are the only ones that ate the veggies. HA! coulda figured that one, but they were good for me! I am sore this morning, with a bit of a neck headache, but eh, that is how it seems to be almost every day. I finally got a call scheduling my cervical spine injections. Its a month out. I will be sedated and it will take like 2.5 hours and have to have someone drive me home. Jeez, thats kinda nuts, but ok. So i got the time off, then realized that I had to have the Honey get the time off too.

The Princess has her physical at the dr. on Tuesday next week. Man, so many things that I think I am forgetting. Got the information on my nephew's graduation in May. I think that I can swing me and the kids at least, maybe the Honey going to it. It will be a long drive, and expensive hotels, but I think that it will be worth it. Then I still have to figure out how to get me and the kids to Oregon for my brother's wedding. Man, i need to really work my weight issue. Damn. Ok.. fuck..

Thats all now. More snow this weekend. For those of me counting, that is a glorious 6 weekends in a row for heavy snow/artic temperatures.

I almost can't believe it...

2007-01-18T07:53:00.001-07:00

Here are things that have shocked me this week:

Snow.. this weekend.. SurFUCKINGprise... this will be weekend 5 ruined by craptacular weather. Hrm. oh well. Its not so much the snow as it is the artic temperatures that freezes your skin immediately.

my neck is still terribly stiff. This is about a full week of almost delibitating stiffness. Unfortunately I still have the pleasure of dragging my ass out of bed to go to work every day and come home, make dinner and deal with the kids, dogs & family. I had therapy on tuesday, did some traction and leg exercises, went home and went to bed. Wednesday i felt better, but still way stiff. Thank goodness the headache was mostly gone, so i functioned pretty well. I couldn't sleep at all last night, finally dozing off around 2. I am Tiiiirrreeed this morning and my neck is super stiff. I am on a low to moderate headache this morning, but can feel that it is not going to get better without getting worse. Maybe the traction will help today. We'll see.

the ex-husband called. from his girlfriends phone. I asked him whose number he was calling from. he says "oh its Heather's" in the back ground, screaming like a stuck pig, i hear "why does she need to know whose phone it is" WTF bitch? holy shit, are we 7? i should buy a calling card and continuously call her stupid ass now that i have her phone number. somethings to think about there. Anyway.. he called, he said he got the princess a phone and the boy his Heely's for xmas and was going to be sending them like next week. At this point, all i give a shit about is that he either give up the goods, or stop bullshitting the kids about giving up the goods. Fucking make good on one single fucking promise for once.

Lindsey Lohan entered rehab. Now, I am a closet celebrity watcher. I dont' actually buy the magazines or track them down, but I read the Entertainment section of the newspaper first thing in the morning and look at people.com. Its a sad world when I am totally not surprised by this news. what a train wreck that girl has turned out to be. Not quite as bad as kate moss, but i see a similar future. Sad, she was a good actress as a little girl, now she's a burnout and a wash up at 20. I don't see too many of those make a Drew Barrymore-like comeback. And I just love Drew.

Okay, enough ranting. time to get to work.

{Listening to Route 66 by Brian Setzer Orchestra}

Is is summer yet?

2007-01-16T07:07:00.001-07:00

ok, so its been a couple weeks, but lots has been happening. Or at least it seems like lots has been happening.

first and foremost, there has been snow. And once the snow was gone, there was more snow, that was topped off with some ball breaking cold and snow. Four weekends in a row there has been snow. Not just a little bit of snow. AfuckingLOT of snow.

secondly, work has been balls to the walls busy. Lots of people in the office, lots of things needing done, not enough time to do it.

thirdly, i have been in pain since before Christmas. My neck has been nothing less than a constant source of issue. Some days I can't move, some nights I can't sleep. I have these beautiful headaches that go with it. I keep going to PT for my knee, but nothing seems to be happening with my neck much. Any exercise causes more pain over the next few days. Yesterday I went to the dr. and FINALLY got my MRI results. I have 3 bulging discs. I also have the honor of being referred to an anethesiologist who will give me shots into the cervical spine joints to help alleviate some of the irritation and swelling in the joints. I am now waiting on that referral. All of the ice from the snow storms we've had has done nothing short of wreaking havoc with my knee. I am like an old lady trying to walk anywhere. I have slipped, but only because it has been that frigging slick. I have been so cautious every step, that it takes me about 10 minutes to walk from the parking lot into a store. I just take very careful small steps and wear very treaded shoes.

the kids have been needing run around everywhere for everything. I used to think "Oh hell no, they won't drive" Now I think "I can't wait for you to drive yourself everywhere". the expansion for my game has come out, though I don't know when I will be able to play it. I can't currently sit at my computer for that long without enduring pain or a sleepless night.
I really just haven't been able to do much.

We had to spend $750 on a new water heater this weekend. Totally not where the money wanted to go, but it was before the water heater totally died, so I guess thats good. Just need to make sure it lasts this week while we wait on the new one. The Honey still needs new tires and shocks for the Expedition. That will probably have to wait another 2 weeks or month. Sheesh.

I am hoping that I will be able to go to Europe with the honey. It is now looking like it might be the Czech Republic in August. We will have to see how that all works out. Also need to get to my nephews HS graduation in May and Eugene, OR for my brothers wedding in July. Damn, lots of money on airlines comin my way. EEKA!

Still the kids have not received Xmas gifts from their dad. he keeps telling the princess its another couple weeks for her phone. She hit me for $100 extra text messaging on the bill this month. She is currently grounded. I am ready to have no phone for her. I think thats where it might be going. I still can't believe that he still hasn't gotten their gifts. Sheez. They will be out there for Spring break before they get anything. I feel bad for them. I feel worse for him that he doesn't even know what an ass he is.

{Listening to: Enya - I Want Tomorrow} This is about all I can handle this morning due to the head pounding.
So, when I say there has been lots going on, mostly I mean there has been lots of snow, lots of pain, lots of work, lots ofexpenses and some other stuff thrown in.

Back to the grind..

2007-01-03T06:59:00.000-07:00

Yes.. vacation is officially over. Though there is more snow coming this weekend. Sheesh, the white shit falling from the sky needs to stop. Actually, its not the snow I take issue with. It is actually very nice and absolutely gorgeous when it snows. I can get over the cold, too. It is when it ices the streets and I am under house arrest. It has definately been much better with the Expedition now, but for fucks sake, it has snowed A LOT in the last 2 weeks.

So whats been going on? Well, the new year has come and gone, the honey's birthday is new years eve, so we had a good day. He got an iPod, and now is like everyone else in the house. 5 iPod Holiday Season, holy shit its expensive. The Princess conned me into her $200 Northface down jacket. Ok, I gave in because she absolutely had NO FUCKING JACKET, but I relented on the Northface one because its what she really wanted. To hell with paying bills. Who needs to do that with money? It was the end of Xmas.. as it has always seemed to last from Xmas to New Years anyway. I guess thats the benefit of having a shop-a-holic mom, you get to beg and plead for the after Xmas sales and she will give in. The Boy got a new jacket too, but not quite the level of the Princess' jacket.

So what else besides spending money? uh.. not a whole lot. During the home confinement, the Honey and cleaned the shit out of our bedroom, got like 3 bags of clothes to go to the Goodwill. We also got more of the bathroom done, and hopefully might be able to tile the damn thing in the next month. Its all thats left, tile and grout the shower. I can't wait. Actually, I can wait. I have been waiting like almost a year for the damn thing to be finished. I can wait longer. I am on a mission to clear the house of clutter. We are working one room at a time. The bedroom was room 2. Next up, the office! We actually made progress on that room, in that we bought all the brackets for the shelving units and now we just need to get the shelves up and getting 8ft shelving off the floor of the office will go a long way to starting on that room.

I had my first PT in 2 weeks. The snow and holidays have kept me from it. I could tell that I hadn't done my ball exercises at home much, but definately got a workout. Though, today, I am sore and my neck hurts, so does my knee, I know it was good for me. Thursday is coming fast, I can tell.

need to call and find out about my MRI, get the Princess scheduled for a physical, do something else, I'm sure. *sigh*, too much to do. Busy at work. Ugh! but thats how it goes. Life never slows down.

Oh yeah, obviously the kids didn't make it to their dads because of the storm. I was a bit sad for them, but relieved. Now I get to spend the next 6 months dreading his pressure on the Princess over the summer. Maybe, they will be busy and won't have to spend too much time with himm. Hrm..

How I Spent My....

2006-12-27T12:46:00.000-07:00

Last week: snowed in due to blizzard
Last weekend: preparing for Christmas, panic'ing my way across colorado, nebraska and iowa
Last 2 days: having christmas, visiting friends, panic'ing my way back across colorado, nebraska and iowa.

The blizzard here in colorado last week pretty much messed up my entire schedule. I missed PT , we got started on vacation a day and a half late, the kids missed finals because school was closed. I am catching up on work because work was closed for 2 days last week, and then 2 more days for holiday this week.

I got to hit the casino in iowa.. It was fun, but I didnt' stay long enough to win or even lose all my money. I sure wish there was some where closer to here that I could go on a regular basis. Oh well, it was fun anyway.

I got an iPod, magic bullet, some jewelry, some bath and body works and thats about it.. but I love all that I got. I am so glad that I have in-laws who care about what I like. The kids made out like bandits, and I still owe the princess a couple things that I couldn't quite get in time for the holidays, but she knows they are comin, so its all good. The boy got everything he could have wanted, except for the xbox 360, but he still made out better than he ever expected. I am pleased with their xmas presents and I know that they are really happy about them.

We are expecting another snow storm starting tonight/tomorrow, as bad or worse they say, as the one last week. I am fretting that the airport and/or interstate don't get shut down. The kids fly out on saturday to their dads. I know they are looking forward to it. I'm sure that somehow a blizzard closing down the airport and interstate would be my fault or I'm keeping the kids away from him, bla bla blah. Not much I can do about him being pissed or a blizzard, so pretty much he can fuck off if it comes to that.

Back to the grind. not sure why nothing is playing on my itunes. I have transferred a bunch of music to the new iPod from here and its all charged. i am happier than i expected witht he new gadget.

2 days and watching for snow

2006-12-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

Well, as would be expected, in my world anyway, travel plans are about to be messed up. We are now unsure if we can make the drive to the in-laws because of weather. We are supposed to get a beating, and the storm is supposed to head east, right where we are headed. I guess we will just wait and see...

Things have been busy at work. We had our holiday party on friday. The party itself wasn't as good as it could have been, the food was great, the location was great, the gifts were blah, and as usual, there were many inside jokes. My boss had a party at his place afterward, which was a blast of a time. I got pissed drunk, but had a most awesome time. Saturday I felt fine, despite my rough Friday night. This actually suprised me. the honey was kind enough to stop drinking so that I could do shots. My mistake was keeping up with the regular drinkers. I don't drink enough to keep up with someone who does it every weekend. Learned a new recipe for Buffalo Chicken Wing Dip. DAMN tasty stuff... does NOT go with Jack and Lemonade though.

I missed therapy today because the Princess needed picked up at school cause she didn't feel good. We had an expensive emergency yesterday when the Expedition got a flat tire. This fix required $500 in 2 new tires, alignment, oil change. YIKES. Oh well, fortunately, we are doing OK on finances that it wasn't a eat or drive type of situation, it just makes the travel for the holiday a little more tight. It might even mean no casino for me.. OH NO, THE HORROR!

The kids are way excited, and I am too. The Princess has guessed most of her presents. The boy thinks that he got his already. We gave early presents on Saturday, but not the important ones for the Princess. We took the boy to get his rollerblades so that he could try them on. Holy crap am I glad we did. Size 10. OMG. He got nice ones, but they are hockey skates, so are taking him some getting used to. But he thinks thats all he's getting, mostly because thats what we told him, but he's in for a huge surprise. He's getting good stuff, besides the rollerblades. The princess is too, but she got more clothes than he did, and she's been given some of it already. That was her early gift. There are still some more things I'd like to get her, but with the holiday fast approaching and the emergency expense, it will have to wait until after they come back from their Dads.

My neck has been jacked up since Saturday, but I just keep plugging along. I wanted to go to therapy yesterday, but couldn't manage it with the Princess not feeling well. The honey didn't get to work till noon, so he couldn't very well take off early to go get her, so it fell on my shoulders. Tomorrow though, I will hopefully get some work for the trip that will help. I did manage to push through the final shopping and what not on Sat and Sun, even with a horrible headache and stiff neck. That was the best thing. I don't think the honey knows how much I appreciate his helping me get shopping done and all the time he has spent at the mall and in crowded places. I know he hates all that stuff, but he has totally been a trooper and stepped up to the plate to help me since I couldn't physically do it all myself. I wish that I could, but I can't shop like I used to since the accident.

I was also a gigantic bitch on sunday cause I didn't feel well, but he understood that too. This whole accident has put a strain on our relationship, because it demands so much of him, but I appreciate all that he has done for me.

I know one of my presents, and now I am struggling with guilt for having asked for something expensive. I appreciate it, I want it, but it isn't necessary and it was quite a bit of money that we could now use. However, I have wrapped it instead of having it early and we'll see if I end up taking it back. I do want it though. I don't know what else that I got, but the honey got me something that he has been super secretive about. He knows I hate the surprises. Its easier for me not to know, but he's not that sly, heh.

Its coming, hopefully we get to be with family, but either way, I am stoked to have the kids and they would just have to wait on some of the gifts that are at grandmas house if we don't get to go. I think we will though. We have the 4WD now, and have the time to get a hotel if needed. So, we'll see how that all plays out over the next couple days with this storm.

Holiday Party

2006-12-15T08:55:00.001-07:00

Today is our company holiday party. Everyone gets dressed up, we go to the nicest hotel in town and start the celebration at 11:00am. Don't even have to come back to work. They usually give out nice prizes and its entertaining. The food is good, the drinks are free. Today should be a good day. Still have work to do before the party and I've been getting lots done this morning.

Been reading websites about the Wiimote flying through TV's and what not. Most of it seems to be people just being over zealous with the game. Too funny. We've been fortunate to have nothing more than sore muscles in our house.

PT yesterday. Was good. worked hard. A bit sore today, but not doing too badly. Went to bed early so I think that helped.

More shopping this weekend to finish off presents. I had a bout where I felt bad about lying to the kids about what they want vs. what we bought, but I truly want them to be surprised. I think they both will be and I think they will be happy, even if they don't get everything they wanted. But I think they will get most of what they want.

Gonna try to play the game tonight. I haven't played since Monday, so I am excited to do something. My friend is still not talking to me or anyone associated with me because of it. Too bad he's a 29 yr old child. Makes me sad to lose a friend over a stupid game, but I apologized, either he can accept it, or lose 6 more friends cause he thinks he can't be friends with people I'm friends with. Sucks to be lonely like him. Oh well.

Stomach in knots

2006-12-13T09:52:00.000-07:00

So today was supposed to be my deposition with my attorney and the insurance adjuster for the other person. My stomach has been in knots for the past week over this, wondering how its going to go. I got a call about 10 min before to say its been cancelled and will be rescheduled. Hrmph. Now I get the pleasure of fretting over the holidays about it. Oh well.

Just have a couple more presents to buy and then we are done with the kiddos. That is good. Ready for vacation. So far I have done a good job of throwing them off track of their gifts. Which is highly unusual for me. I usually can't wait to give them the things that they really want. Got another week of holdout...we'll see how that goes. I have even managed a straight face to tell them no to the things they want, and we got, but I want them to be surprised.

Had PT yesterday. Feeling alright today, not too sore or stiff. I think that I am getting better. Still no word on my MRI stuff, but oh well, since it is the holidays, I presume that doctors take much vacation or something. I have been too preoccupied to even have a minute to call them.

Busy at work, busy at home.. life is pretty good at the moment, just busy.

a week has passed...

2006-12-12T06:36:00.001-07:00

..and here is why i haven't written. I have been having horrible pains in my neck, not sleeping well, general kid and friend drama, and all around busy.

My neck has been sore and painful since last tuesday's PT. I barely made it through work on Wed. called in sick on Thursday, pushed through work on friday. I didn't sleep much over last week with that pain, despite taking more prescriptions to kill a horse. I still don't feel caught up on my sleep. I can hardly move my neck and shoulder on my left side, but unfortunately, this time of year, I can only allow limited downtime as there is much to accomplish and bedone before the holidays. I didn't get to PT on Thursday because I couldn't physically drive. I can hardly turn my head, even now, and shopping took longer than expected because my knee and neck were just killing me and we had to stop for a bit. For lunch in fact, which was nice.

Work has been busy trying to get desktops and laptops migrated to users. This week is our company holiday party. That will be fun on Friday, but what that also means is all the people who are remote bring their laptops in for me to work on and fix problems with. That starts today and I will be busy up until the party starts on Friday afternoon.

Over the weekend, the honey and I managed to get away from everyone and go shopping. We got the kids their ipods and misc other things, but still have a couple more things to pick up. We also got the dogs their new harnesses for traveling. Sasha didn't like hers and pretty much pouted the whole night. They are just nylon harnesses so they are wearing them right now to get used to them. Mojo just appreciated all the love he got while we were putting it on him. He doesn't care one way or the other. Sasha is still a bit pouty about having to wear hers. Funny puppies. We also bought the roommate an ipod. He has wanted one forever and just didn't have and didn't want to spend the money on a big ipod. We got him the 30g one. We had a friend over for Ham dinner on Sunday and presented him with his gift early. He loved it. For someone who is as gruff and hardened (for good reasons) about the holidays, he appreciated it alot and despite it screwing up his music on import into iTunes, he loves it. That is the point of giving.

Also during that friend coming over, he (the friend) and I got in a huge argument and I was yelling even. Man, I was so offended and couldn't believe the shit that had come out of his mouth. Yesterday, I sent him an email to apologize for yelling. Haven't heard back, i'm pretty sure he is still pissed, but honestly, i could give a shit. He acted like a child and if he's still pissed, he's still acting like a child. The honey explained to me that people don't like it when I don't back down because they generally know they are in the wrong. He said that I won't argue for the sake of arguing, but if I don't back down, then the other person is probably in the wrong. I don't let people walk on me. I thought that was funny that he said that, because, in general, its pretty true. I don't just argue or piss people off, I don't say things just to be abrasive, though I am very blunt, but its more that I don't want to put the energy into being angry or upset with someone else, so I just don't argue. Roll with the punches, go with the flow. So, anyway, now that I jumped in that angry/argument boat, I'm adrift at sea knowing that someone is holding a grudge against me. It will be a while before I get over that. But life continues and in the end, he was an asshole and fuck that if he can't accept it.

On the note that set off the argument, I got a new piece of armor in my game and generally had fun since joining my new guild. They run every night of the week, though I can't go alot of the time because its too late for me stay up. But i can go once or twice a week and on weekends. But my hat is awesome, and mostly I had a blast running through the instances that I had never been in. They are very technical, so I made a bunch of mistakes, but just gotta get to know the technique and i'll be ok. I went on one last night too and got better, I thought, since I learned the strategy on Sunday. So, for a change, time in game has been awesome recently.

Tonight is another one, which starts much earlier, but not sure if I will be able to make it as the Boy has a holiday choir concert.

{Listening to Stayin Alive Remix by Wyclef Jean}

seeing as how...

2006-12-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

Its 2 weeks past thanksgiving, I finally got my photos sent out and put up. I didn't take but a couple photos, so i'm not sure, but I am in exactly 1 picture. I don't know that there is many of me from anyone else, either. I think that makes me sad, but I can't say that I didn't expect it. In my sister's house, she has walls and walls of pictures.. with exactly 1 of me in any of them. Par for the course, oh well. I don't have any photos from anyone else. I haven't gotten the link from the professional photographer that took the family pictures. Mine are up and the link is sent.

Today is PT. I hurt today. I finished my book last night, so I stayed up too late again last night. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm not sure why, just can't seem to get comfortable. I have been taking the ibuprofen like the PT suggested, but i don't know that it is making a difference. We are past a week of the MRI and still don't know results. I am kinda just wondering about that. The PT seems to think it won't be anything. A friend of mine got in a wreck in Sept and she has to have surgery on her lower back. Her accident wasn't even as bad as mine. Just crazy.

The honey is off work today as he is studying for his finals. We went to dinner last night and it was awesome. Our favorite steak house. I get to eat it for lunch today too!! Work is busy, but good. Boss has been full of piss and vinegar, giving alot of shit, but its funny. Its partly why I love my job. Joking around and having fun while at work, its what makes it less work-like.

Looking forward to some PT. Looking forward to some new exercises. I was showing the kids a couple of the exercises that I have to do for PT on the ball and they both thought they were hard. Which they are, but funny that the kids, active and athletic, thought they were hard and I have to do them every day with my fat ass.

The kids are getting ready for finals, we are all looking forward to vacation and Christmas time. Still no word from their dad on tickets. Oh well. Seriously not my problem. We will do something if they don't go. I will feel very sad for them. But unfortunately, he is a selfish prick and spending his life with his bitch is currently more important than his kids. They are busy in their lives and thats exciting. The Princess is working on track season. I need to get her a new physical. The boy is working on the school newspaper and being himself. They both spend much time working my last nerve, but thats not to say its bad. They are teenagers. Its their job to drive me nuts, but fortunately, they are good kids... still...so far.... I love them to death. I know how sad the Princess is not to be at her dad's, but man, I am SOOOO glad she is with me. I think she is happy in her life and how things are going. She's got great friends, and I think that what she likes the most is the knowledge that she's not going to be uprooted. She gets to go through High School with the same people. Her best friends here are awesome and they are all crazy ladies. The boy likes everyone, everyone is his friend. He has a crush on a girl and its the cutest thing, though we've had to nip it in its bud since he's not allowed to have a girlfriend and they were getting too close and doing too much "not going out" stuff. Hanging out all the time, going to the movies, etc.

Love the kiddos, love the honey, thinkin life aint too bad right now.. with the exception of chronic pain in my neck. I need to fix the house up. Get shit in order, get shit thrown away. After the new year, when finances calm down, I will be working that malfunction. I almost ripped up all the carpet in the living room and dining room the other day on a whim. The Honey stopped me. I will be paying someone to fix the bathrooms first.. then the kitchen/dining room, front yard has to be in there too. So much for vacation, money is going into the house.. heh. excellent. I actually want to go to Disney World if honey has to go to orlando for work. Take the kids. All kinds of things running through my head this morning. Off I go to work..

{listening to King of May by Natalie Merchant}

cold..........

2006-12-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

That is what it has been since last week. Damn cold. I think the high has been MAYBE in the 30's. It snowed on saturday some more and then, the weather channel said it was bitterly cold. I think it got up to 0 saturday night. I can't seem to get warm.

I didn't sleep last night, but for a few hours. I am tired today. Had to get a new coffee maker yesterday. That was a challenge. I was almost brought to tears by the death of my Aroma Grande, that Starbucks doesn't make anymore. Ended up getting another Starbucks coffee maker, but its not nearly as easy to use or sexy. Still makes excellent coffee.

Saturday was shopping and i ended up dropping a glass bottle in the middle of the checkout line at Ross. I was mortified, but shopping continued. It snowed all day saturday, which was cold, but gorgeous. I am getting over my fears of driving on the ice, well a little bit. I am no longer confined to the house on days that it snows. I can enjoy the day and get out and do stuff without the fear paralyzing me. Chad drove, but it was a nice day, just the 2 of us.

My neck has plagued me since friday night. I haven't done much, except shopping, and had to drug up for that. Today my neck is very stiff and sore and combined with being tired has given me a headache. I am tired of its inconvenience and have more or less decided to just drug through the rough days and continue with my life. It makes it hard, it makes me grumpy and I snap at everyone, but I think they understand.

Today is another cold one and though there is no snow in the forecast, it is all over the ground. I wish that I had my camera cause the view from work is postcard perfect. Its a golf course, a lake and houses set at the base of the mountain. It is certainly gorgeous, an awesome place to sit and contemplate, if I weren't at work and it wasn't too cold to be outside. Nice to look at during smoke breaks though.

Tomorrow is PT. Still no word from the MRI or the Dr. Need to call the attorney today and stop by there on my way home to give them some papers from my insurance.

i've made it

2006-12-01T07:21:00.000-07:00

to Friday. This has been one long week. I have been more busy than I expected and just keep being on the run. I haven't had the inclination to log into my game even once. I do believe I will be leaving my current guild for a much larger more experienced guild, but not quite sure exactly when. Probably this weekend.

I had PT yesterday again. I hurt today. I have been doing my best to work hard at the exercises to ensure that I make progress, but some days they are just rough. I do see a pay off, though, and actually think i'm losing weight. It doesn't help my neck any to actually work at the exercises, which is discouraging. Still no word from the MRI.

Busy yet again today. Keep on truckin along. Haven't even got itunes cranked up yet this morning.

Shopping this weekend, I think. And bill paying. But thats ok too.

snowy day

2006-11-29T08:26:00.000-07:00

Today we are getting a ton of snow.. with a winter advisory. I drove in it ok, but dang was it slick. I got to work a little before 6, and around 7 they delayed for 2 hrs with possible closure. Kids are home from school. The honey is working from home. I am busy here.. *sigh*..

I am a bit sore after PT, but not horrible. My neck is stiff, but I think its because I missed a week. Even though I exercised, I couldn't do all of them while on vacation. Driving on the ice doesn't help with neck tension.

VERY busy at work. I like it that way. Though I would like to go home and see what I can do from there.. heh.. home is good.

vacation

2006-11-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

so i haven't posted in over a week. The reason being that I was on vacation. A bona fide vacation. nothing to do, and limited places to be. The kids and I went to AZ to visit family for thanksgiving. It was a good time, mostly. I felt on the periphery of their lives and not really a part of my family, but that, i suppose is probably normal for me. I had one breakdown where i really felt excluded and i had to call the honey, who was in IA with his family and vent. The kids had fun and it was really great seeing my brother and sisters and their respective families. My new niece is just absolutely adorable. I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I would have liked, but she is just a princess. Everytime I called her princess Skylar she would smile huge at me. My baby sister's little girl is just a cutie pie too. Shy though, and got to where she would only let my sister and my daughter (THE princess) hold her. Though at the end of our trip, I got to playing with her and she just giggled and laughed. She is almost 2 and walks around brushing her hair and wanting her nails painted. She loves shoes and has the cutest little pair of fuzzy slippers. Man, the girls in my family are total princesses. I kept telling both my sisters that my daughter is the example of what their little princesses will grow into.... boy, clothes, shoes, makeup, label clothes CRAZY! Me and the kids stayed with my brother and I didn't get a chance to see my best friend from high school. But the kids did get to spend 2 days with their ex-stepmom who was happy as could be to see them. I spent time with my brother and his wife and had a great time. Got to know his wife a bit more as I didn't know her very well. We cooked and shopped and entertained the whole brood. It was good I think. We had a good time, but again, i just kinda felt on the periphery. I also got to spend some time with my nephew who is almost 18. Man, he has grown and is just like his dad used to be. Makes me miss his dad all that much more. I was so happy to see him. I think it had been 8 years or so.

My neck pretty much hurt the whole time and I didn't do much activity wise. We went shopping one day and my knee hurt. Thanksgiving day, I helped cook then drugged up. I couldn't do any of the family activities that we did, ie bowling, whiffle ball, swimming, because of my neck and current treatment. I really didn't want anything to happen or hurt myself any worse than I am already. My neck traveled on the plane pretty well, better than I expected, though the nights after the flights were a bit painful.

Had my MRI on my neck yesterday. It was somewhat relaxing. I just laid there and closed my eyes and meditated. Won't know the results for a week or so on that. I have PT today. I could tell that I missed it last week due to the holiday. I tried to do as many exercises as I could while I was gone, but I didn't have my ball or anything, so only did a few of them. Kept stretching my neck, but I do that all the time anyway. It just wouldn't let up on the stiffness.

The ex-husband called while on vacation. He said he was buying plane tickets. I still haven't seen them. Guess I'll have to call this weekend or something. If he doesn't take the kids, then we'll go skiing. It will be expensive, and sad that they don't get to see their dad or grandparents, but hey, he needs to step up to the plate.

Glad to be home. Looking forward to Xmas with the honey's family. Mine stresses me out.

one the verge..

2006-11-17T10:05:00.001-07:00

I leave for vacation tomorrow. I am completely unprepared. I haven't packed, I haven't done laundry, the kids haven't packed or done laundry. The whole house is sick. the Boy stayed home from shool again today. The princess couldn't stay home and have her social life disrupted.

I had PT yesterday. I am sore today and not feeling that hot. My neck hurts like nobody's business and I am getting more and more anxious at going to AZ for the holiday. A week is a long time to be with my family and their dysfunction. But I am excited to see my new niece.

I am busy at work trying to get things done here before being gone for a week. I am also very very hungry. Lunch can't come soon enough.

stop, look around

2006-11-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

{Listening to Different People by No Doubt}

well this has been a crazy crazy week. I am so very ill prepared for my trip this weekend. I don't have time for vacation!!!. Lets start where we left off last week: The weekend:

Saturday I was up at 6, out of the house by 8 to run errands, get my hair cut, colored, etc. Home by noon, tried to dye the boy's hair blue. It didn't work, went back to the store for hair stripper, tried again, still no dice on the blue hair. Friends came over, ate some dinner. Took the princess to her friends house for sleepover, took some meds and went to bed. My neck had been bothering me all day, but I just mostly kept pushing on because I had so many errands to do. The unfortunate part of it was that the most important errand didn't get done because the place was closed due to Veteran's day. The Honey was sick, so he contributed no help other. I don't blame him, he needed rest.
Sunday, up at 6 again, played WoW for about 30 minutes, logged off, picked up Princess from her friends house. I was stiff and sore and couldn't barely see, so I vegged on the couch and tried my ball exercises. I did what i could, but it didn't work out. Watched Friends With Money. Not as good a flick as I had hoped. Roommate made Traditional Lamb Stew, which was very tasty, but gave everyone the shits. The ass piss was worst for the Honey who still was not over being sick.
Monday, work at 6, new guy started. I do believe he has promise. Very busy day, things were kinda crazy, not much training, but a little. Got him started building his computer. He did much better than the other guy that was here did. MUCH better. This is promising! Honey left work at noon to go home and get some sleep before his trip on Tuesday. I had PT today. I left feeling worse than when I went, but the exercises are tough and they keep adding more. Home, pick up the Boy from basketball game at 7, then some culvers. Home, meds and bed.
Tuesday, whole house is up before the ass crack of dawn. Honey is leaving (on a jet aeroplane), Roommate is taking the kiddos to school, I have work. Started training the new guy today. Got things covered. I truly believe he will pick up the desktop stuff. Its going to be the custom applications. We'll see how the week goes. Went shopping for black shirts with the princess after work today. Found the Boy a black polo. Apparently, girls/women don't wear black polo's. We may be shopping in Phoenix. It snowed. My neck is feeling alright. I wouldn't say good, but i'm at least functioning. If I move a certain way, it gets stuck. And, by certain way, I mean anyway other that looking straight ahead. This is not new, its especially not new after Sore throat starting. Think I'm getting sick. Princess complains of sore throat too.
Wednesday, I have to drive on the ice. This did not help my neck. It was already hurting from a restless night of sleep. The Honey was gone. I had to go into late to work because I had to take the kids to school. It was slick as shit on the east side of town. Just enough snow to freeze on the street and make it icy. I was a big ball of nerves and stress. My neck was knotted by the time I got to work at 7:15. More training. Got some good time in today, the phones weren't very busy. I think I am going to have him take phone calls. Have the after hours meeting. It sucked. The guy talked for 30 min longer than he was supposed to, and then thought he cut it short. Asked a question, then got treated like a retard. They didn't order enough food, they brought like 6 sodas. Man, the assistant can't plan anything for the life of her. I was parched by the time the 2 hours of droning were over. Got 1 glass of a nice Merlot, chatted, wrapped up the meeting. Unsuccessfully tried to steal a lemon bar. Had to take the Princess to a practice for competitive cheerleading/tumbling. The coach wanted her to come and join because of her gymastics. Got home at 6, left house at 6:30, got stuck in traffic due to accident. I freaked out and had to sit in the car a little while. I still cannot drive in traffic. Some days the fear of being rear-ended is overwhelming. Picked up the Boy from basketball, talked to the Honey long enough to know that he was hung over and delayed in Chicago for 2 extra hours. Midnight arrival time. Took the Boy to grab some dinner, best buy to get his Tenacious D cd. I love Tenacious D and was a bit apprehensive about the boy getting it because of language, then second thought that this was a movie soundtrack, it will be ok. I was wrong. Now, again, I love Tenacious D, apparently the Boy does too, but no, the language is not tamer in this album than in any of their others. Boy loves it. Went and finished watching the princess practice. It was done around 9ish, got home 9:30 and tried to crash. Princess says she has a sore throat and a swollen eye. Boy's voice is scratchy and he is sniffly. My throat still hurts, my neck just gets worse as the day goes on. The longer that I actually have to do things, the more it hurts at night. Was just about asleep when the Honey got home and the dogs couldn't get to the door fast or loud enough. They were more than excited to see daddy.

Thursday, today, NOW! after getting to bed at around midnight, getting up in time for work was rough to say the least. My neck is killing me today, but I have PT. I guess that is good. I just remembered that the Roommate told me the MRI people called. I need to get the number from him and schedule that. Shit... More training today. I think I am going to let him take a phone call or 2 and coach him on that. We did rip apart 1 laptop yesterday and started getting them built. He did well. I am excited. The Boy is home sick from school. The Princess is going to miss 1st period, then go to 2nd period. Then call if she needs me to come get her. She said her eye is almost swollen shut, so did the Honey. Ugh. I dont' have time to leave early.

Thats where the day stands at almost 8:00am
{Listening to Disco Club by Blackeyed Peas}

waiting to exhale

2006-11-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

{listening to Better off Alive by Train}

I hate PT yesterday. The regular PT is back and i dont' feel as good as when i was seeing the sub. I exercised hard yesterday, though, and that was good for me. I feel it. I can feel when I push my knee or lower back, but i think i still need the strength to build up if i ever want to do things like hike or ride a bike again. I am still waiting on the MRI appointment. Guess I will hear when I hear on that.

Despite the positive song playing in iTunes at the moment, I am getting more and more anxious about going to visit my family. I am very excited to see everyone (or most everyone) and super excited to see my new neice and my nephew whom I haven't seen in like 8 years. But I am also very discouraged by the visit. I feel as though I am an inside joke with my brother & his fiance, my sister & her husband, and the ex boyfriend. Its like i can't say anything about the situation without it getting rumored around about how stupid I am to feel like I do. Yet, I know for a damned fact they wouldn't be approving if the situation were reversed. I think I've said it before here, that I truly believe they accept all the hateful things he said about me and my kids. Maybe I'm too loyal to those that I care about. If anyone ever said those things about my close friends or family, you would be hard pressed not to find me kicking their ass in a dark alley somewhere. Yet, my family accepts him more for what he did to me than me for leaving someone who treated me and my kids like shit and thinks so little of us. No wonder women in abusive relationships stay. Cause they are the ones that are ostracized when its over, not the guy. He's heralded a saint and best friend by her family. Ok, so thats just my situation, but I totally understand why, in general women don't leave, especially when it is mental or emotional abuse. Its different, people claim you are too sensitive, they say you should just get over it. My family was fairly, but very distantly supportive when I had a physically abusive boyfriend and got out of that. But the mental and emotional abuse at the end of the relationship with aforementioned ex, thats completely acceptable to them. Its as if they said to him "Please, treat my sister like shit, you'll be our friend for life." So all of this has me anxious and distanced and not really wanting to go. I feel that I should just live my life as I do and keep them distanced. They don't really care anyway. So with this weight on my shoulder, knowing that this weekend, my family will be enjoying their celebration with my ex because i'm a huge bitch and don't want him around when I'm there visiting and hence he won't be invited to my family's thanksgiving. That he is "uncle mike" to my neice bothers me to absolutely no end. If the kids weren't looking forward to it, I would seriously consider cancelling my tickets. I am absolutely knotted up in my gut about this. And they just get defensive and insulted if I mention it. I think, after this visit, I will remain in my cocoon in colorado and leave my family. They truly don't appreciate what I have done for them, they don't appreciate me as a person, and they certainly don't appreciate me as a sister. Yeah, that might be hurt feelings talking, but what is absolutely, positively fact, is that they dont' fucking get why it bothers me or even care to get why it bothers me. I have been accepting and supportive of every decision they have ever made in their lives, even when I didn't necessarily agree. Yet, for me, it is too late to get that in return from them. I guess I have made myself vulnerable by thinking that family, even fucked up ones like mine, come first. I must be the only one in my family who thinks that, cause my sister, brother and my mom & dad certainly don't show that to me. They have helped me out in a bind, they have helped my kids out in a bind. But that has been in the last 2 years, only. Never before have they lent me a hand or offered more than they had to me because i needed it. Maybe because I don't usually need it. But this one thing, I asked in the beginning of my sister, and she pretty much told me to fuck off. Now, 5 years later, I have still fucked off and she doesn't get why It makes me cry. Just suck it up, E, just suck it. That's what I will be doing, with a knot in my stomach. Guess that will curb some holiday eating, huh?

Speaking of ex's. the ex-husband called this week . He is pissed about the princess having almost 2000 text messages when her allotment is 250. Extra 160 on the bill . I had to chuckle to myself on that one. I had warned her, but she didn't listen. For november, she's already at almost 500. He hasn't made any arrangements for Xmas or tickets or anything, as I suspect he wouldn't have done. But I mentioned that flights for the week after were expensive, if available even. In his rant to the princess, he said that with her text bill, he may not be able to afford plane tickets. Sucks for them, because they don't see he is already backing out of his committment, and they most likely won't be seeing their dad over the holiday. I specifically asked if he had bought plane tickets yet. Whether he got the hint that I wasn't going to or not isn't my problem. I didn't volunteer to help financially when he said he was in a burden or broke. screw that. He and his woman can suck it up.

Talked to my best friend and I will be getting to see her at some point during my vacation. I am excited about that. We don't talk nearly enough, but its one of those friendships where you just pick up where you left off, no matter how long its been since you last talked or saw each other. I love her to death and miss her a ton.

I'm not really as bitter as it may appear, really. Life is quite good, overall. Things have been stressful with the accident and I am saddened about having gained weight and my current fat status. But i'm workin on it and thats about all I can do. I don't have the metabolism I had in my 20's, and know that i gotta work my ass off for the svelte figure I am used to. This weekend I am getting my hair cut and colored to cover the gray. I am excited about that. I also need to go shopping and find some black shirts for me and the kids for the family portrait. I am not so excited about that. The portrait that is. Shopping, yeah, I can do that.

I am nervous about the Honey going on his business trip this week. not because i'm a freak about travel and all that. But we have ahistory that includes where he is going and a person there. Trust me, its not a good history. While I won't go into detail, it makes me nervous. We'll compound that onto my already knotted stomach.

{listening to Better Version of Me by Fiona Apple}

even bee's get to rest

2006-11-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

Ho-ly crap has work been busy. Not just a little bit. Run ragged busy. Everything has been an emergency right now, people's computers breaking (don't get me started on my calls to HP support in the last 3 weeks), things not working quite right, bandwidth hogs making internet surfing at work near impossible, along with necessary things like actually working near impossible. I HATE WEATHERBUG! We allow people to have iTunes, yet they still stream music over AIM. People need to make themselves technologically aware of what they do, but they don't or won't, or whatever, and they will bog down those of us who actually NEED the internet bandwidth for job functions.

The dr. was fine. he checked me out, said wait for a call to schedule and MRI. said that it will rule out disk issues and down to muscle issues but that we would have to find some sort of therapy that works because 4 months later i have exhausted the standard techniques and its still not working. Its not like I make this shit up, it is visible in my lack of head mobility that things are wrong. The PTs can feel it, the dr. can feel it. We'll see. He was nice and personable, etc. Will have to have the PT send a report to him though, so he can see that history of treatment. Still, I get to wait for an MRI of my head and neck.. WOOHOO!!. there's some enthusiasm, even if feigned. I don't *think* I am claustrophobic, but I do believe I will be put to the test with 30 mins with my head in an MRI machine.

Vacation coming up, new guy starts next week, getting a hair cut and color to cover the gray. Its tough being a redhead when you have gray seeping in, its not like gray blends in with the red hair. Oh well, keep covering it up is what I will have to do. Have to at some point find black shirts for me and kids to wear during the family portrait taken over the holiday. I am more than thrilled

Ex called last night to rub in Princesses face that he bought girlfriend the pair of True Religion jeans that she wanted. Unfortunately, I was out before they finished the conversation so I didn't get to ask her about it. I also voted last night. Pleased with the over all result as I am what most would consider a liberal, however my state has me disappointed, but not surprised. Focus on the Family and New Life are extreme cult presences in this state and their followers are devout, if not crazy. You can also apparently hire male prostitutes and buy illegal drugs and live in one of these evangelical fantasy lands where all is happy and god loves you if you aren't homosexual. I despise hypocrites. These organizations have gone to far in their fantaticism to even recognize the beliefs behind the religion. The religion is its own monster.

poking and prodding

2006-11-07T13:26:00.000-07:00

Today is the 1st appointment with the new pain doctor. I am more than a little hesitant and can't quite put my finger on why. Other than, of course, my neck is screwed up.

PT yesterday was good. Not as good as last thursday, but good nonetheless. The regular PT is back for tomorrow's session so i'm not looking forward to feeling as good, but I do love the one that I get when mine is gone. Oh well. I could change, I just would feel bad, wouldn't want to hurt feelings or anything. I feel like i get more from the sub than the regular one. Its rude, but thats why I will stay with the one I was assigned.

Neck is catching today. I am getting more sore as the day wears on. I guess its good that I will be seeing the doctor in not the best of conditions, but not the worst either. Hopefully it won't be anything too major. Dr's don't usually worry me, but this one is. *sigh* oh well. 4pm will come soon enough.

Busy at work, but not busy enough to have the day flying past. Not quite sure how the Princess is getting home from school yet, but I'm sure she will figure it out or wait until I get done with the dr. She can walk the 1/2 mile if she wanted, but she doesn't want. heh.. lazy bum for a girl who can run a 5 minute mile.

starting over

2006-11-06T07:09:00.001-07:00

Its monday. Weekends never seem quite long enough. This weekend was spend, as most of the past have been spent: in pain. I didn't play my game, I shuffled the kids to and fro, cleaned a little bit around the house, slept alot and mostly hung out and watched movies and caught up on Tivo shows.

On saturday, the honey and I had an errand to run, so we did, grabbed a starbucks and went to barnes and noble. A few moments of quiet time just the two of us was wonderful. We chatted, looked at books, grabbed a nifty gift for a friend of ours whose birthday it was. Most excellent morning. I felt alright in the morning. Not great, but good enough to get out of the house. We took the gift over to our friends house, visited for a while. They have the cutest little baby, even though he was a grumpy pants and didn't wanna let me hold him. We had about an hour to kill before picking up the princess so we went and ate sushi. Delish!!. superb new little sushi place. The service was SLLOOOOOWW.. man, took an hour and a half for our sushi lunch, but it was fantastic and tasty. Kinda set the pace since we weren't in a hurry for anything. Picked up the princess from her friends house, stopped at Jamba Juice and got her fix, looked at lab puppies they were selling in the parking lot. The honey wouldn't get out of the car. He said if he let one of them crawl on him then he would have to buy one and we soo don't need another puppy. Man they were certainly cute, and the princess all but cried for it. But we held strong. Man, the honey and I are both suckers for animals. I would have a house full (not that I don't already).

I digress, once we left the cute little black lab puppies, we picked up the boy from his school where he had been flirting with his latest little girl friend. Its about to the point of annoying, but I suppose boys will be boys. Got home, and just felt wiped, started making dinner, was an evening warm enough for a cookout, so we had some garlic guiness steaks, with some grilled potatoes with veggies. Tasty goodness. Then it was movie watchin and sleepy time. I probably went to bed around 7 because i just couldn't stand it anymore. My neck ached and hurt, my head was starting to hurt. Just needed to lie down.

Sunday was mostly just lounging. Picked up the princess from her friends house, made a run to wally world only because the honey can't cope by himself with that many people. And man was it crowded. Got in and out and back onto the couch for a couple movies. Dinner was chicken and steak fajitas with refried beans & cheese. Damn tasty, though under appreciated in my house I think. Spent like an hour doing dishes, which just kills my neck. It is absolutely not good posture to scrub dishes.

Today is PT, with the sub PT, so I think I will feel better. Tomorrow is appointment with new doctors. Friday I got all my receipts and forms and such mailed back to the attorney. Hopefully they will get them. Thank goodness for copies. I keep a copy of damn everything for this stupid accident.

no rest for the weary

2006-11-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was totally busy at work interviewing people and trying to keep up with work, that I didn't even get a chance to jot something down in here.

I stayed up way too late on tuesday night, didn't sleep well because of my neck, and yesterday morning, stiff, sore and generally icky and tired, I snapped at the Honey for stupid stuff. I apologized later, but you know its gonna be a rough day when that happens before 8am. I have a giant knot on my arm from the flu shot. The Boy is home from school sick today. Honey hasnt been feeling well since he got his flu shot.

My neck has been nothing less than painful every day, but I know that I have to keep plugging along. I just can't seem to get any relief from it and it causing my head to pound. I seriously dislike being reliant on pain meds, yet because of how this is all being handled, I don't get to choose my treatment options, so, unfortunately, I don't have the ability for homeopathic treatments, or even acupuncture.

The interviews went well, and I think the guy they chose is an excellent choice. I wish they would have picked my friend, but unfortunately she didn't interview as well as the other guy. Such is life. Its too bad, I would have liked working with her again, but I also think that the guy they did pick will be pretty good and hopefully hit the ground running once he starts. It's going to be busy, but it will also allow the Honey and I to take vacation at the same time. WOOT for that.

Still haven't heard from the Ex about what his plans are for the kids for Xmas, but he'll figure it out and i'm not paying for it. He won't be happy with me, but oh well. He needs to figure it out. A couple weeks ago, he called to say he got to san diego, and there was a package in the mail for the Boys birthday and an envelope with money in it for me. Then last week he called and asked for the address, then this week, the kids got postcards. So much for that package, huh? He must really believe i am stupid, but really I just don't care enough about it to get into an argument. I am fine, the kids are doing fabulous, he can either give a shit or not, its not impacting mine or their daily life.

Beyond that..life is still just chugging along.. Pain every day, looking forward to seeing my family at Thanksgiving, but dreading it at the same time. I love my sisters and brother, I am not fond or especially happy about their relationship with my ex-boyfriend and feel like that is just straining everything. More with me than with them, because they don't give a second thought to my feelings. Plus, at this point, they are far more embedded in his life than in mine and its probably entirely pointless to ask for any kind of consideration to my feelings about the situation. However, if they want him at thanksgiving, I will make other plans. I have already been invited over to my friends house while i am in town and what not. I could probably stay with them if I wanted, and that would be alright too.

*sigh* stressing about upcoming events. terrible. not what i need. meditation after therapy tonight definately will be where i'm headed. I am tired and hurty too. maybe it will relax my mind enough to get some sleep tonight, though I am scheduled for some in game activity. Hrm.

{listening to Stupid Girl by Garbage} More apropros ITunes Shuffle

Happy Halloween!

2006-10-31T10:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, so today, I got a flu shot. Thats perfect for the day, I think.

Work is busy, but that's alright. makes the day go by faster. I have stuff to do. Interviews for help tomorrow, pay day today, physical therapy today, kids have some sort of halloween bullshit going on tonight, I would like to do some in game stuff tonight, but will probably get stuck handing out candy, controlling the barking dogs, keeping the black cat inside. All things halloween. It is also 23 degrees out today. Man is it cold. Can't imagine that its going to get warmer as night falls.

I am however, ready to do stuff in game tonight. I am also ready for PT today. I am looking forward to it. Maybe not having the shots in my neck has helped me feel a bit better today.

Carly Simon said it best...

2006-10-30T07:09:00.000-07:00

This morning, I shuffle up some Itunes and the first song that starts playing is "I haven't got time for the pain" This has been my life's theme song lately. Unfortunately, the pain isn't so much listening. The weekend, I was pissy and grouchy. I actually yelled at the kids this weekend, twice. I think it scared the honey and the kids. Mostly they scattered like ants, then came back in a while to crawl over my legs and bite me when i wasn't looking. The pain gets to me, alot. I find myself being more and more short-fused and less patient the longer the pain stays with me. We are on month 3. Full 3 months of nothing but everyday pain. I never thought that I would wish for my once a week migraines, but they would be a relief from what I experience every day since the accident.

I am not a holiday person. I don't care for them, I am not a party planner, I have no holiday decorations of any sort. I don't' dislike them, holidays that is, I just don't get all giggly, crafty and excited about them. It is a chore to buy the shit, set up the shit, find a place to store said shit for 11.5 months out of every year. I have enough clutter and crap around my house that I can't seem to get contained that I have absolutely zero use for pumpkins, Easter bunnies, stars and stripes, etc.

Now you may be wondering if I do the winter holidays. Well, simply put, no, I do not. I am agnostic, but my kids celebrate Christmas. I do not own a Christmas tree or stockings or tree decorations or house lights or anything of this nature. Under normal circumstances, I would give into a Christmas tree, if my kids so desired, however, I do not live under normal circumstances. The first of special circumstances is that in the 12 years I have been divorced, I have had my kids for 3 Christmases. The second of special circumstances is that on those 3 occasions, we have been at Grandmas' houses. Every other year, that's 9 of 'em for those counting, I have been on my own. My family doesn't do holidays since my brother died, so I usually am with friends or alone. How fun do you think it is to sit home by yourself on Christmas, missing your kids staring at a blinking Christmas tree? I did this the first year I was divorced and it ranks up there, I'm pretty sure, with sticks in your eyes. The kids don't miss out, we (me and kids) do gifts and fun when they return from vacation, we have a special day where we eat a holiday meal, open gifts, lounge around playing with all our new stuff, and even since moving to Colorado, we've got to enjoy skiing and playing in the snow. It just isn't on the actual Christmas day. And generally, on Christmas day, they are with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. Oh yeah, another added benefit for me, I get to generally shop the after Xmas sales for the kids stuff. If I find it before, awesome, but I generally wait. I miss a ton of crowds actually buying stuff, and don't have to return anything until the lines die down a week or so later. That is truly a beautiful thing about my holiday schedule.

Now, I digress to the purpose of that little rant. I found myself in a rush to locate a Halloween costume for the Boy. And then Halloween candy and decorations for some party he is attending, planning or something. Generally aggravating being beaten about the head and shoulders with the super-excited moms, pushing and shoving to get little johnny or janie the costume of this years dreams. Its just rude. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes I envy you moms who have the heart and soul and energy to put into every tiniest detail for your little ones. And I did for costumes and whatnot when my kids were little ones and they trick or treated. But they are teenagers now. The "bunny" costume doesn't cut it. They generally want (need?) it to be the quality of a Hollywood horror film special effects costume. And I just don't have the energy for this. I also don't have the energy for this 3 days before the actual occasion. My kids are notorious (around my world anyway) for having an emergency need RFN. You can reference a few weeks ago when the Princess needed thermal pants the night before her cross country regionals, 15 mins before store closings. (If I knew how to link posts, I would)

In addition to the mad dash for costumes and candy and all calamity that came with that. I still cannot hardly move my neck, and constantly on some sort of muscle relaxer or pain med, tired from not sleeping well, and want to chop off my head to make it all stop. The boy also has some sort of rash on his stomach. The last time we took him in for a rash, they said it was some kind of allergy, and sent him home. Ugh.. but, you know how insurance works, you have to go to your primary care doctor, and force them to refer you to a dermatologist before you can actually do anything otherwise its not covered. Blah blah blah. I absolutely despise the bureaucracy of the US medical system. It's a crock. Nonetheless, must be done. I think the princess needs to have a new physical too. Hrm, must look into this.

Work is busy this week, hopefully some interviews for some help. I am busy building desktops and workin the phones, trying to stay on top of things. Coping with pain does not make doing one's job easier. The distraction is constant. I don't do a very good needy one.

Had a bit of fun in game this weekend. Still don't get to play much due to the inability to sit at my computer for long periods of time. Oh well, was fun while it lasted. Watched a couple movies with the Boy. The girl had plans and had to shuffle her around town for social life. She was not happy about me requiring her to clean and help around the house. She says she is working on her grades. Had lunch on Saturday with some friends. The honey actually helped them move some furniture, I didn't do anything but socialize and play with their baby. He's such a cutie pie.

winter is here...

2006-10-27T07:13:00.000-06:00

{listening to A Night Like This by The Cure}

Yesterday, was a snow day. Not just any kind of snow day: a blizzard. The kids had off school, the honey and I both had off work. The snow and the wind blew from about 4am until about 7pm. We have more than a foot of snow on the back porch, with 3-5 foot drifts in the back yard. The kids played with the dogs in the snow. I really wanted to get out there and have a snowball fight or build a snowman, but my neck just didn't want that to happen. The kids dug out the snowboards and the sleds and played in the street. It was cold and wet and windy and most of all snowy. I worked from home most of the day doing email and what not, but it was a grand day. It was the Princess's first snow day ever so she was absolutely stoked. We cooked a warm breakfast, made some bread, made some hot cocoa from scratch, watched some movies, played some games. It was really a great family day.

I cancelled my PT appointment because they were recommending people stay off the roads during the blizzard. When I called around noon, no one answered the PT office phone, so I presume, like many other places, they were closed. I will call today to reschedule or at very least, set up my appointments for next week. I also need to call the pain specialist and get an appointment for there.

The honey drove me to work today, expecting the roads to be super icy. They weren't. They were pretty tame compared to what was on the news last night. I totally could have driven by myself. It truly was a good day yesterday, with the exception of my neck being stiff and on drugs and not being able to go out and romp in the snow with the kiddos. But alas, it was fun to watch, get a few pictures, laugh with the kids.

It was a good day. By Monday, the snow will be all gone. It will come again, but dang, was yesterday a beautiful, cold, snowy, winter day.

{listening to Nugget by Cake}

slammed

2006-10-25T06:57:00.000-06:00

so yesterday i spent the morning throwing up in my office. my neck and head were hurting me so badly. A lady here in the office gratiously gave me some reiki, which tided me over until I got to the physical therapist. I got some soft tissue massage there. The therapist said holy crap was my left side tight. (DUH). I spent and hour at PT, and then had an hour and a half to kill before seeing the doctor. Drove to the doctor, put on some cranberries and enya and took a nap in the car for an hour and 15. Got into the dr. and fortunately didn't have to wait too long. Explained my situation and he referred me now to a pain specialist. I have to call them today and make an appointment. I have to keep up with the PT for my knee and neck and lower back, I have to get the soft tissue massages while i'm there. Criminey. I went home, loaded up on some pain and muscle meds and slept until 6, when I got a little something to eat, loaded up some more on pain and muscle meds and went back to bed. Small hello's and hugs from the kids and the honey. Except for the excruciating pain, uncontrollable vomiting, not a whole lot to yesterday.

In between grabbing something to eat, I managed to book the flights for baby sister and her kids to make it to arizona for Thanksgiving. Excellent. Will get to see all now.

So between friday and now, I had a birthday. It was uneventful to say the least. My mom and dad couldn't be bothered to call me, my brother and his girlfriend put a message on myspace for me, my kids and the honey remembered, the roommate remembered, middle sister called and remembered. That is the extent of it. somedays i really do feel isolated. My mom, whose birthday is the day before mine, told middle sister she forgot. how in the name of fuck, do you forget your kids birthday when it is the day after yours?!?! When I talked to my dad, he excused it by her being under alot of stress. There is a reason I have removed myself from them. They just don't get it.

More later, the day has started off with problems.

Chronic Pain

2006-10-24T06:32:00.000-06:00

so, i haven't written anything in a few days. Let me tell you why. On friday, I had to leave work because my neck pain was so bad, causing such a horrible headache, that I had to go home and drug up and remove myself from it. This pretty much continued all weekend, spending more time in bed than not. Yesterday, my birthday, was more of the same and today, I am back to the inability to keep anything down, food, drink or otherwise. I totally see why people who live with severe pain want to end their lives. I understand. I am to the point of tears today with just pain. It frigging hurts and after a whole weekend of it, i just can't take it.

Welp, in the time I had to take a phone call, the vomiting started. My head is pounding, my neck flat out hurts. No amount of stretching or doing my exercises is relieving it. I have ice, no heat packs at work, unfortunately. I do have PT today, but unfortunately, I don't know if she is going to work me over like I need to be. I think i seriously need that knot just worked the hell out. I am going to try to call and get in the dr. maybe today. I also got another bill from the dr. Sheesh. medical bills are mounting. I truly cannot believe that my insurance told me it wasn't a very bad accident and I didn't get hurt too badly. WTF. that is ridiculous.

Ok.. thats all i have time to right between throwing up sessions. maybe tomorrow will be a better day. maybe today i will get into the dr.

S.H.I.T - Sure Happy It's Thursday

2006-10-19T12:23:00.000-06:00

Boy, i'm glad yesterday is over. Boy, i'll be glad when today is over. Boy, when tomorrow comes i will be thrilled for weekend.

The honey surprised me with an early birthday present. While not particularly romantic (he tries on occassion), it is absolutely perfect! 19" Flat Panel High Resolution monitor. My friend put it quite well when she said "its not an engagement ring, but its probably the computer geek equivalent" It was a total surprise (which i loathe and love at the same time). My game looks awesome, everything is so *crisp*. Crazy geeks. So that was a great ending to a psychotic day.

The grumpy pants boss from yesterday is in a much better mood. One thing i absolutely love about my job are my bosses. Yes, I pissed and moaned yesterday, but today first thing, I apologized. Why did I apologize? Well, what i said was "I apologize if I was a complete fuck up yesterday" His response was "Why do you think that" and I listed the instances where he jumped my shit for stupidness. Then he says "I'm sorry, you gotta tell me when i'm being a little bitch". End of story, but I love that my bosses can at least handle my directness. I'm sure its not the most PC of environments, but I don't get offended easily and I am not some mild-mannered female. I'm intelligent and funny, quick-witted and direct. Some can handle it, some can't. Fortunately, being the only girl in my department, the guys handle it. I think that comes from having proved myself more competent than other technical guys in the department, but I'm one of them, I can give and take and not piss and moan about hurt feelings. Again, its one thing I love about my job.

Today, the bosses aren't grumpy, but it seems to be that everyone has an emergency. An emergency on your part does not constitute one on mine, and I am but only human. Yes, superwoman somedays, but not today.

Physical Therapy today. My neck is doing alright. I have the "catch" back where if i hold my head in a position for too long, or turn it to one side, it gets stuck. Much like a charlie horse, just in my neck. Its all kinds of fun, really. But, I opted out of the shots yesterday cause i just couldn't handle not feeling well for another 3 days. But today, I'm mostly looking forward to the PT.

Princess is off to Durango for regionals. My last words to her were "i love you, run fast, princess" I'm sure she will do well. Last night was a scramble to get her the thermal pants she needed to run in snow/cold. This was 20 min before store closing. Then dinner, then she needed cash, then by 10pm, I was trying to get to sleep. She still hadn't packed, had to be at school to catch the bus at 6:45. Princess is not a morning princess.

Haven't heard from the Boy today. He must be busy doing something. 2 more days of vacation. He seems to have had fun, despite the disappointment over his dad not coming. Hopefully he's doing something fun today.

Game is progressing now that the guild situation has figured itself out. I am just waiting. Excited to be a part of a guild that is welcoming and fun and actually does stuff.

Its a good day. good reasons to smile and be happy. But damn, the weekend can't come fast enough.

Does it end?

2006-10-18T12:57:00.000-06:00

I realize that i should probably use my blog for some kind of profundity about life and politics and society and etc, as these are things that I discuss all the time, but alas, I use it for a rant of my boring, whining, surburan life. Sad really. I have plenty to talk about with my friends. Somehow, it just doesnt' come to me as a topic when i am sitting here. With that being said, onto my rant about my life and days for today.

Today, it started out great. I felt good when I woke up. PT seemed to do me some good yesterday. The headache was gone. The snow had stopped falling and the roads weren't nearly as icy as I dreaded. It was a beautiful morning looking at the snow covered mountains just peaking through the clouds and a spot of dawn illuminating them. I got to work, started my morning check of systems, got some coffee. Boss called and offered to bring me some breakfast. The phones were quiet. All was happy in my morning solitude. Until....

The VPN server was broke, internet and server connectivity was spotty and I did my best to resolve these issues, yet there was something lurking behind the scenes (I'm not the server person here) that prevented me from actually fixing the problem. The boss that got breakfast came in upset, implying I didn't do my job (did I mention, I'm not the server/network person here?). People are now calling and ranting and raving that shit is down. Yeah.. yeah, network/server people are workin the malfunction. Then he comes in to imply that I just didn't do my job again. WTF mang. I do my job, i do the job of 2 people, in fact. I just don't do the network/server guys jobs. I realize I am superwoman, but fuckin A sometimes, a bitch needs to breathe. Then, the HP repair guy was out here to replace a system board in a laptop for the 3rd time in 3 weeks (same laptop) and when the HP guy leaves, same boss comes in and asks if I made sure it was working this time. Holy mother of christ, get off my fuckin back today. I do my job. I do my job well. The fact that HP sends shit ass re-manufactured parts is now my problem.

I also spent 2 hrs downloading NIC driver after NIC driver for the model of desktop that I am rebuilding and none of them work. Logged onto HP chat to see if they could give me a working NIC driver for this model and they say i gotta pay em money cause this desktop is outta warranty and if I didn't wanna pay the money, I could use their self-help pages. NO SHIT?! I guess Rapesh S (this was HP US chat support). musta missed the part in the chat where I said I downloaded all of their nic drivers for this model of desktop and they all failed to work. I finally ended up finding some variation to my model of desktop and installing the driver and it worked. What worthless piece of shit service. I would so totally be fired if I gave that kind of service to people. Yet, apparently, I don't do my job today.

Also got another email from grumpy boss that implied that I somehow fucked up yesterday when a lady fubar'd changing her password through VPN and isnt' connected to the domain on her laptop and isn't going to be in the office to connect to the domain for another 2 months. Yessir, I fat-fingered that password for her.

The good news is that I got free lunch again today and cheesecake. Cause my ass needed cheesecake, but oh well, it was one slice and it was yummy. The other small bit of good news is that my guild shit/drama is about wrapped up in game and I can soon go about getting on with actually playing the game.

Princess won't be home till late as she is going to root on the JV XC team for their regionals, then she leaves tomorrow for Durango for the Varsity Regionals. I know she will do well. She is the only freshman on varsity, and can run like the wind.

The Boy is home doing something. I think. He might have gone over to his friends house this morning. I really didn't hear much from him after he asked.. interesting. I have to call to follow up on that. In the meantime, back to the grind, gotta keep the grumpy pants at bay for another hour and a half. Now.. don't get me wrong. I love the bosses and I love my job. They are great most of the time and great bosses. Today, they just pissed on my parade cause I was feeling good about driving on the ice, neck and knee weren't killing me. Oh well. It does indeed end at 3:00pm today. When i go home and veg.

*sigh* as we speak, another crack by the grumpy boss. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day that they can jump on my case. I will not be broken. I will dish them some heavy PMS instead.

Craptacular!

2006-10-17T06:47:00.000-06:00

thats how i feel. absolutely craptacular. Went and got the shots in my neck. this helps, in that it helps the muscles stop spasming, however, the short term is a migraine, unbelievable pain and the inability to move my head hardly at all. So, i went home, ate, took some valium, tried to go to bed. Had to take the princess over to her friends house for a sleep over, come back, tripped over the dog, strained my neck trying to not fall on my knee, brought myself to tears. 2 valium and I didn't sleep at all. So here I am at work, ice on my neck and head, dying. I have so much work to do today, and i feel like a humongous pile of turd. I have a 2 hr meeting today, at least its a fun one. I just don't feel good. I would love to nap through it, but thats not going to happen. Maybe before. I am at 1 valium and 1 naproxen while at work. I cannot cope with this pain today. Oh yeah, did i mention i get the pleasure of going to Physical Therapy after work today? I am hoping that she will massage the hell out of me and let me skip the exercises. I hurt.

calling all mondays

2006-10-16T14:05:00.001-06:00

Mondays, as i'm sure its been said before, need to go away. They generally suck. Today is actually a beautiful day outside, sunshine, slight breeze, not hot, not cold. Work is fairly slow, not too much going on, but a lot to do. So why the monday morning blues? Well, lets see....

I get shots in my neck. I have felt horrible all weekend, rendered useless most of saturday and sunday. I have more work than I want to think about to do at work. I need to do laundry and clean the bedroom, not to mention the house. The kids have this last week off for vacation. I wish I did. I am still not feeling well. Still need a vacation. Booked my Thanksgiving airline tickets. saw a movie i didn't want to see, while not feeling well

my neck is still hurting, alot. knee is still feeling alright with twinges of pain. day is almost over. hooray. go home and nap.

somedays

2006-10-13T07:24:00.000-06:00

you just dont' want to crawl out of bed. I love my job, but i think i need a day off, soonish. Too bad i'm all out of vacation, or will be once i take all my holiday time off. I spose soon enough it will be thanksgiving and I will have a whole week off. In the meantime, I am busy.

Princess made varsity again, on XC. Its a fluctuating thing, she has to keep her times down. However, she did qualify for regionals and she gets to go to durango now. Which is what she was really striving for this season. She wants to see all her friends. Can't say that I blame her. I hope she gets to see them, even for a couple minutes.

The Boy was sacked out by like 6pm last night. I think he rode his ass off yesterday when he went on his little bike ride. Good for him, but still totally unlike him to just be asleep, and he was out.

I also think part the reason he sacked out was pure upsettedness. He got a voicemail from john advising that he (Ex) wasn't going to stop on his move to san diego. Then Princess said she actually talked to him and he said it was shorter to go through albuquerque. What an ass. Thats all i have to say. He has no idea how much his stupid little bullshit voicemail and phone call broke the kids hearts. Will they ever tell him that? hell no. Will he ever get a clue that he hurts them? probably not. God damn, that stupid shit pisses me off. No sense in getting into it with him though. he can't see other people's reasoning, especially not while he has his little potwhore. oh well *sigh*. maybe around 40ish he will grow up. By then his kids won't give a shit and they will be almost in college. maybe they will want to hang out and smoke pot with their dad. cripes, is that the best that they will want to do? i hope not. I hope he has pulled his head out before then.

PT yesterday was painful to say the least. I actually love the exercises and i know that they are what will help me get better, but damn, am i hurting after. mostly my neck though. I actually notice improvement with my knee and lower back. I am incurring a small fortune in co-pays. sheesh. You don't realize what 8 weeks times 2 session per week @ $25 per session is really nicking you for. And... thats not all of it. I have at LEAST another 6 weeks of it. Man, I wish I coulda saved that much. I would definately be able to afford my family vacation this summer.. ha!, we'll see. I will know around thanksgiving if traveling is even an option, at least now.

Hitting the library book sale this weekend. I love those. Also plan on doing some gaming tonight and tomorrow. I still am rather stressed out about the whole guild shit, but oh well, it will do what needs to be done. I just don't have the time or energy to put into it. Already I am stressed far too much over a stupid game.

{listening to 10538 Overture by ELO}

grumblin'

2006-10-12T07:12:00.000-06:00

{Listening to: #34 by Dave Matthews Band}

I am tired. I am in pain. did i mention tired?
Ok, paused to get coffee.. yumm. today is a chilly, foggy day. I haven't watched the news to find out if its going to rain or snow or ice . Princess and I cleaned the house during the week. Not fun by any means, but the house is mostly clean. I think i might try carpets. I also might see about getting the damn tile laid out in the downstairs shower. Maybe i can start that. It needs to be done before the other shower falls apart. heh. Things you worry about when you buy a fixer upper. I love our house. I am tired of it bein white trash. I wish Honey would do more, but i can't seem to coax it out of him. Now that he has a job, maybe we can save for it.

Speaking of saving. I advised Honey that i would like to take a family vacation, on an airplane, staying in a hotel or rented condo next summer. I am hoping to get passports in the works too. but need to figure out what we are doing

Honey cracks me up. He bought himself a Nintendo DS today. Why? well, because he wanted something as "yipee i got a job" and because it will transfer games from the Nintendo WI. This made me laugh because the Wi isn't even out yet. You can't even pre-order it. Then he asked what i wanted for my b-day. Honestly, I don't know. The bathroom finished? help consistently cleaning the house? not to be in pain? no debt? plane tickets to AZ for thanksgiving?
Princess has a meet today. I hope she does well. She is still running varsity. I am proud of her and know that she is just kickin ass and takin names for a freshman. Found out that one of her XC teammates lives right by us. That is cool. Hardly any of them do. Her punishment for the grades is wearing off. I am letting her off with a week, and then once school starts she will be on limited computer time until her grades come up. No sense in dragging it out during the whole break, not going to help her at all.

The Boy's last football game was yesterday. He opted to ditch it. I can kinda understand why, he hasn't been played even in practice for the last couple weeks because of his tailbone, and in a 13 yr old mind, standing there is just a waste of time. There are people to chat it up with, things to do, etc. Still a bit pissed he gave up before the season was over, but oh well. He says he wants to run track. I hope he does. He's not the best athlete, but he tries and he's lost weight. I think he might do alright if he stuck with it. He just quits when he isn't the best. Now, his best friend is the best, the tallest,the most athletic, so i know its hard for christopher to not make a team or whatever. I hope he keeps tryin.

Ex was supposed to be here this weekend. Surprising (NOT!) that I haven't heard word one about whether he is stopping by to say hello for 10 mins to his kids. Stupid shit like that just annoys me. I think he will be surprised when i can't afford plane tickets for christmas. He needs to figure that out. I have paid or arranged payment for both kids on every holiday in the last like 3 yrs. He wants to see them, he can pay for it. Most of that has been me, willing to do whatever it takes to see Princess. Now, i love having them both with me, could care less really if they aren't with me for the holiday, and if he wants them, he needs to figure it out. And pay for it. I would consider helping him if he EVER followed through on a promise to help me out, but he hasn't, so i just don't give a shit. He can figure it out, see how it feels, work around my schedule. But that isn't even a consideration yet. He has to first talk to me about it. The last conversation was somewhat heated because i didn't give in to his every whim and volunteer to drop all my plans for what he wanted or volunteer to pay for it. We'll see how this pans out. The holidays aren't quite here yet.
{listening to Yaleo by Santana}
PS. I love the random shuffle on ITunes.

humpin

2006-10-11T12:39:00.000-06:00

God, today is slow dragging day. The snow is gone, for now. I don't feel well after PT yesterday. I am going to have to discuss w/her some of the exercises. They actually make me feel worse. blah.

I am supposed to get the shots in my neck today, but i think i might pass. I need to get my PT recepts copied and over to the attorney. When do i have time for all this? criminey.

my neck is hardly moving today, migraine because of it. feel mostly like i want to throw up, but i also ate donuts so that could be part of it. heh.. i love donut holes from Dunkin Donuts.

Game is moderately stressful at the moment. I am not a guild leader, by default, not choice. Have some good people who are willing to help, but i just don't have time to put the effort into building this all up. I just wanna run instances.. sheesh already.. oh well..maybe when i log in i'll think of something. I just didn't want the responsibility. Too much RL going on right now, with work, therapy, kids, pain...holy moly.

Sometimes It Rains

2006-10-10T08:29:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, it snows. sometimes it does both. Cold days here, snow expected, but mostly just a cold and drizzly rain.

Have PT today, no shot until tomorrow, which i'm glad. they hurt. PT will hopefully feel good today.

The kids are on break, work has calmed down. Logistical problems getting them to practice and such while on break, but i spose we'll work it out.

The car rides and handles nice on slick roads, this i am grateful for. Still a bit nervous for the ice driving, but we'll see soon enough.

breathe...

2006-10-05T07:01:00.000-06:00

yesterday was the second set of shots in my neck for helping to alleviate the whiplash induced, golf ball sized knot in my neck. If i haven't mentioned it the first time I got the shots, this fucking hurts. it really really really does not feel good. Today i am sore, have a pounding headache, my shoulder hurts and i get the pleasure of going to PT. Hooray me.

Fortunately, work is moderately calming down. I have had a minute to breathe, but i am not catching up on all the things that i haven't been able to while the chaos has been swirling.

My baby sister is also trying to get out of her abusive marriage. His parents have told her she isn't allowed to leave the state. Not sure how they propose to do that. She isn't like 12. She's 22.. with 3 kids, and her husband (their son) beats her up. She is also suffering from depression, which runs in my family, and her trash of a husband tells her she needs to suck it up and get over it. Uh..right. Thats how it works. Thats how it worked for my brother who was manic and committed suicide 3 weeks after being released from a mental hospital. Thats how it works for my manic mom who was committed for 2 weeks a year or so ago. Thats how it works for my sister who struggles every day with depression. Yeah.. easy enough, suck it up. I hate people's ignorance of mental illness. Absolutely despise it. I wish there were more I could do for my sister, however, I do not have $ to help her, and I don't really have space to keep her and 3 small kids in my house. I would do it, will do it, if it comes to that. She definately needs out.

hack cough sneeze

2006-09-28T12:59:00.000-06:00

oh..yes more of the same.
Yesterday was the followup appointment with the dr. i was treated to 3 shots of steroids in my neck. this was close to as much fun as having fluid removed from my knee. close.. but not quite.

Today, the neck does in deed feel a bit better. we'll know after PT today, i figure. I am still just wore the hell outp hysically from this stupid cold. can't hardly think straight. I'm thera-flu'd, robitussin'd, tylenol'd, dayquil'd and still feel like i have a fever.. holy crap with this never end.

work is busy, of course.. still problems with online applications..
its fun working when you are sick....uh..not so much

more sniffle cough sniffle

2006-09-27T07:38:00.000-06:00

i believe the cold is actually getting worse. went to PT yesterday, didn't do the exercises in the gym. mostly because i thought that spreading my cold around the gym equipment is just rude. went home and nyquil'd and went to bed. Missed House and Standoff. I think they are on tivo though.

have doctors appointment today at 4. Princess is getting the cold. lots to do at work today. chad starts today, though he will be mostly cleaning his office and setting up his computer.

i feel like crap..thats about the most positive thing today.

sniffle....

2006-09-26T07:26:00.000-06:00

holy shit. a cold started on saturday and had progressively kicked my ass. today i can hardly swallow because of the sore throat.

PT today too, i dunno how i am going to do. My neck has been hurting alot for the past ocuple days. Pretty much solid tightness since last thurs. I need to change up the therapy or something. All last week, i left PT feeling worse than i went in. I will talk to her today.

The temp guy has to go. He's been here a week and has pissed off people, told them he can't help them and frankly i'm tired of hearing how great he is and how much everything we have here sucks. he can bitch about it being unemployed...Its a shame, he's a smart kid. just far too arrogant and cocky to do himself good. He'll find some job that wants a new smart ass. He'll get the job and be cut down to size. I don't have the patience to teach him how to be a decent human being. Being an asshole to people because your job is beneath you won't get you far. He won't be coming back on monday.

Did i mention i have a cold? am dying and suffering? my neck and knee hurt? k.. just wondering cause i feel like incredible ass.

Oh, yah.. my guild in WOW has shit the bed. I am being pulled in many directions, don't really want to leave th people, but i thin since the merger of the 2 guilds, there has been like 3 things done. Oh well.. what can i do, the powers that be still haven't gotten things together to set up officers, we are losing more people. I need to figure out how to get some stuff.

{listening to Sexy Ladies by Justin Timberlake}

Friday.. I made it

2006-09-22T08:13:00.000-06:00

with so much going on at work, i'm amazed that friday is finally here. There is a huge snow storm coming in and johnica has to go north to get to her crosscountry meet. I am a bit nervous for that, but i spose it will be ok. there are highways closed and its cold as hell today. Don't know if we will get snow, but it sure feels like it. I am nervous about driving the new car on the ice. need new tires first, i think.

the new guy is good, but cocky. oh to be 22 again. its tiring to be unknowingly in a competition, but its not like i don't know what i been talking about. I been in IT longer than he's been alive..hehe.. its entertaining, but tiring.

excited for honey to start the job next week. he is excited too. The new car gets 22 miles/gal.. eek, thats not that hot. better than the expedition i bet.. hehe..

Aaaccckkk!!

2006-09-20T07:38:00.000-06:00

Today is wednesday... already. The reason for no posts this week yet? I have been absolutely slammed at work... not just a little, barely a minute to breathe, not taking lunch, slammed. There have been the existing program problems, more people needing something immediately, issues with the billing system (priority #1), odd and ends problems, phones ringing off the hook. And, sadly, for all my complaint about how busy i am, i am grateful that HD dude is gone. I have hired a temp that comes in today to give some help. I have also discovered that HD dude totally fubar'd all of the training laptops and they need to be looked at each and every one of them. *sigh*

Last weekend was hell... I took Princess shopping for all the necessary homecoming things, dress, shoes, make up, hair, nails, jewelry.. I had a great time with her and doing "girl" stuff. Took pics of her and her date. they looked so cute. She said she had a great time.
Had a panic attack when i couldn't the Boy and he wasn't answering his cell phone. He has been grounded for not being where he said he would be and not calling to tell me where he went. On sunday, i went shopping all day, by myself. I probably didn't need to spend the money, but i needed some time just for me. I got quite a few new work clothes, 2 new pairs of shoes, one is a really cute pair of steve madden peep-toe wedges... just adorable. can't wear them until my knee is better.

Speaking of the knee. yesterday was PT. I hurt worse when I left than when I showed up. My regular PT is back and i just am not sure she does enough for me. I will bring it up on thursday. Today i feel like ass, but its not in just a sore, they worked me over way, its an actual my neck back and knee do not feel good today. I still need to make a dr. appt.

The Boy has a game today, not sure if i am going to make it. Princess has XC meet tomorrow..i am definately not going to make it due to PT.

Hopefully today will be a bit slower...hopefully, since i have to train new guy

Dressing for Success

2006-09-14T06:44:00.000-06:00

Today, we have a meeting for 3 hours (it might actually be longer) about how to dress in the workplace. this is a mandatory meeting. i am wondering if they think that the people here don't dress nice, because they do. I am just not necessarily looking forward to a meeting chastising me that i don't wear $300 suits to crawl under peoples desks to fix their computers. Unfortunately, until the pay gets better to allow me to afford such suits to get greasy and dirty and dry clean, i will continue to dress in my slacks and shirts. No skirts for this lady. I personally would find it far more unprofessional to see my ass under a desk than to see a chick in pants under my desk. Just my opinion, but, we'll see at the meeting. In my experience, these type of things don't generally take into consideration women doing manual labor in a business environment. Sorry ladies, I am a techie. I lift servers and monitors and desktops. I will test the network port under your desk and in the closet. I will run cable if needed. These activities, do not require a skirt or high heels. Nope.. pants and sensible shoes. Now while I am not necessarily stoked about this meeting, I am however excited that there is a reprieve of the helpdesk as it will be closed for the time of the meeting. This just means I have more work to do when i get out of the meeting, but its a breather and until i get some help, any amount of air I can gulp is great. I do love being busy, sometimes you can be too busy.

I think that Honey's interview went well. we'll see if he gets the job. had a nice lunch yesterday too. did i mention that today is physical therapy day? maybe i will get worked over again, although i am still sore from tuesday. painful, but in a good way, i suppose. I do believe it to be helping over the long haul, but its a painful road to travel. Can't i have the squishy soft road please?

Princess has homecoming, the Boy has some kind of skating event. emergency funds needed for this that and the other thing. Ex is crawling up my ass because he is apparently some kind of parent with god status and nothing i do is right. good thing his girlfriend smokes dope in front of the kids, leaves naked pictures of herself on her camera, competes with a 14 yr old girl for the attention of her dad.. must need the super star of parents to work those logistics. good thing he cant stay in one place for longer than 3 years. also, must need the super star of parents to maintain that rock solid foundation that he likes to bitch to me about not providing because i moved once. i grow tired of his bullshit. he doesn't pay child support (was waived, not necessarily a deadbeat). as long as the kids are with me, he can bitch all he likes. Suck it, my friend, suck it. You can yell and scream at me all you want over the phone about how i don't do things your way. yes, feel free. then, the kids and I will go about our business. When he wants to pay at least 1/2 their support or be something less than vacant like he is at the moment, then i'll think his opinion holds weight. It used to, don't get me wrong. I think he's a good dad. I think his priorities are fucked at the moment and not my business to change that. Pot headed, bitchy pussy > kids. go for it dude.. absolutely go for it. he has given me support on occassion over the past 14 years to do what I needed to for me. Just don't expect me to take your current lifestyle and priorities as something that holds weight with me. Be pissed, be a dick, ex-husband means you don't get to piss me off. I don't allow it. Its frustrating to tell the kids. But, they are teenagers. I tell them to take the issues up with him, not me. I can't change him or control him. They need answers, they need to ask directly. It makes me sad when the kids cry, and that pisses me off cause they don't let him see it. They don't let on how disappointed they are that he abandons plans with them to go off in search of some unknown bullshit. Nope, skippy head goes on about his merry little selfish way and I get to clean up the mess of anger and hurt. They will get it. someday, they will catch on what their dad is all about. It won't take me bad-mouthing him, cause i don't do that. He'll do it all by himself. I love my kids more than anything in the world. I love their dad as my friend and father of my kids. They will learn, as I have, he is a great friend, fun for adventure, smart, funny and engaging; and undependable, self-centered and selfish. I would probably say somewhat of a narcissistic personality. Makes him who he is, which is generally a pretty great guy. I think that its some sort of mid-life crisis with the current girlfriend. I don't get why he's with her. I always know why they are with him. He's exciting. Its a fun lifestyle. Most will grow tired of the uncertainty after a couple years. Most people cannot handle a vagabond lifestyle. Not for years upon end. Its intriguing at first. but the lack of security eventually wears down. The vagabond lifestyle has always been a part of him. And when the kids were little, before school, it didn't matter so much. Now that they are in high school and jr. high, they need to establish themselves somewhere. Johnica went to 4 different jr. highs in 3 years. Thats tough on her. I see it on her myspace and all the people she misses and leaves behind, all the wishing that she never moved. Hopefully, at least now with me, we'll stay here until both are done with HS. Its the plan, I have no view of anything happening that would change that. Things come up, life happens, but i have a strong resolve to let the kids stay where they are until out of high school and moved onto college. then my life will happen. The ex... i wish him well and happiness in all that he does. I hope that he finds someone that actually makes him happy and complements his personality rather than someone who struggles against it. I hope that one day, he doesn't crave that power struggle. I wish that he would pull his head out sometimes and do something for others besides himself. I wish that i could give advice or opinion from past experiences and it would not be disregarded as "hippy bullshit".. ... You know what they say.. wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up first. I've got gloves on both hands for the long haul with the ex. I knew it since I was 14 when we met. I know it now at almost 36 when we have 2 teenagers. I will know it for many years to come. I know that he is a good guy, with a big heart, if only he would let that come out more often. It is unfortunate that our friendship has waned since the present girlfriend, its been around along time. Whether he likes it or not, I know him better than he wants to believe. I know our kids too. I am glad that he is still my friend after all these years. I am also glad that I am no longer married to him. 13 years ago during the divorce, I was devastated. Couldn't imagine it. Now, I can look back and recognize that it was one of the best things that ever happened to me and him too, and probably the kids for that matter.

long post.. time for meeting.

whats wednesday for?

2006-09-13T08:36:00.000-06:00

hump day. therapy yesterday. boy am i sore. I felt better when i left, but now, i am very very sore. didn't get to bed until like 2am because i couldn't get comfortable. watched tv with christopher last night. love house, thought standoff was cool. got the tivo set up. have to buy a homecoming dress for the Princess this weekend. not sure how she will be working that malfunction, but she says she is. did i mention that i am very sore today. man, i was worked over in therapy. when i am doing it, i totally get into it and understand and can actually recognize that this is helpful. the next day, i regret every minute of it. i am so damn sore. my boss asked if i could pull the stick out of my ass. hahaha.. i WISH i could walk like i am not the tin man from wizard of oz. i dont even have red shoes, why am i a cast member? stop the insanity..
oh.. shit.. speaking of stop the insanity, i was watching vh1 and i saw that Susan Powter chick from the 90s stop the insanity horseshit diet program. OMG.. father time has not been kind to that woman. she must be in her early 50's and still has bright pink spikey hair. at what point, do you realize that you are ridiculous and not punk or rebellious or cool? I guess the fact that i will someday be over 50 and have multiple tattoos and the younger generations will think i am just a lame old fogey too. but now is now.. that lady.. she wasn't cool back then, she definately isn't cool now.. vh1 really knows how to dig up the bones from the celebrity closet.

work has calmed down today. things to do. Honey has an interview. I hope it goes well. he needs a job, if not for income but for self esteem. not having a job has gotten to him. good luck, my love.

{listening to shutup by blackeyed peas}

tuesday

2006-09-12T06:48:00.000-06:00

what is there to say about a tuesday. it lies after monday, its not close to friday, its just a day that isn't monday or friday or even thursday.. that likes almost friday. nope.. today is tuesday. hopefully work will be a bit calmer than yesterday so i can actually get done some of the work i didn't get done yesterday. man o man yesterday i was psychotic.

the guild merger in my game went through. I am moderately excited about it, though playtime has been cut due to my accident. So many things to do and know and learn. exciting times in game.

i get physical therapy today. i am actually looking forward to it. I also need to schedule a followup dr. appt. got a bill from insurance in the mail for surgery.. couldn't figure out what the hell i had surgery on. it was when they stuck the needle in my knee to remove fluid. Holy shit.. that is classified as surgery? and $300. holy shit, i coulda stole a needle from a herion junkie around the corner from the drs. office and done that myself.. yikes .. $300 what a friggin rip off. oh well.. what can ya do, its the american healthcare system way.

got a tivo. i am excited. haven't set it up yet. looking forward to that... then i can record house and american idol and other stupid shit that i already don't have time to watch...

{listening to Nightingale by Norah Jones}

BAM!

2006-09-11T14:43:00.000-06:00

and monday shit hits the fan. more of the same but holy crap am i just swamped and people have their heads up their asses asking me things that are in no way computer related. Yes, i understand it is a web based program. No, i'm sorry, i do not know where the printable tests are for the students or why that particular link is broken. No, it is not recommeneded you delete all of the areas and start over.

I love being busy, and i would prefer they took their time to hire someone good to help me out but today was just crazy.

Went to the celtic festival on saturday. long drive, wore me out on sunday and didn't feel good, but it was worth it. Got some information on custom celtic wedding rings. The Boy had a great time, even though we wouldn't buy him a new sword or dagger. Got about 250 pictures. Will work on blowing some up for wall art. Lots to see and do and Honey got his turkey leg. boy did that make him happy. I had a panic attack because of traffic on the way home and on sunday was migrained out due to my neck.

Today i am feeling better, but still sore. Looking forward to the physical therapy tomorrow. No stayin up late for me. My schedule changed and i'm not looking forward to that since it alternates days. Oh well.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.. tomorrow has to be better.

TGIF

2006-09-08T12:17:00.000-06:00

holy shit this has been the longest short week ever.
HD dude is gone. can't say i'm sad about it, though it means, not necessarily more work, but different. I have to answer phones again, in addition to doing all the work. at least he answered the phones.

PT yesterday was more than painful. I remain true to the statement that it is physical torture, not therapy. I understand why it needs to be done. The fact that it is painful and physically exhausting proves it. my neck is still jacked. I have blisters all over my knee from the brace.

Haven't been able to do much this week with my neck being totally scrunched up and stiff and sore. today is raining. I wish i could be home cuddled up with a book or movie.

whew

2006-09-06T06:28:00.000-06:00

I think i barely escaped yesterday. I left work early because my neck was just too much to bear without pain meds. I rescheduled my PT for earlier in the day, went there, then home, then to bed. can't say there was anything to my day except for sleep and pain meds. i didn't eat. i think i remember both kids coming in and giving me a hug, but i didn't move. guess that makes it a fan-dandy day, right? i didn't think so, but i was out of it and not feeling the pain anymore so i guess it was better than it started out.

today, i am stiff and sore and in pain, but the headache is dull enough to stop the vomiting from yesterday, so its better and i'm pretty sure i can make it through the day.

{listening to Head over Feet by Alanis Morrisette}

feels like monday

2006-09-05T06:24:00.000-06:00

but it is tuesday. i am hurting, much like the weekend. I rode to cripple creek with Roommate and have not been the same since. a simple 40 min drive should not render me incapacitated for 3 days following. I have been in bed and on meds since i got home. I hate feeling like a cripple. Couldn't go out to the pub with Roommate as planned, though it was good to finally get out and do something, even though that will be my last trip for a while. anywhere. i hope that i am able to travel around thanksgiving.

i am somehow pushing through work today. it is a must, just too much going on. i am grateful this weekend that the kids had other things to do because i just couldn't do anything.

my neck is so stiff with a golf ball sized knot in the left side. this knot always seems to be there, but just increases and decreases. been doing all of the PT exercises and it gives some momentary relief, but not for long. since the drive i have had shooting pains from my knee up into my thigh and my lower back has just been sore and achy.

keep on truckin.. thank goodness for short weeks.

Heh..

2006-09-01T07:35:00.000-06:00

You are 93% Scorpio

How Scorpio Are You?

can i get a woot!

2006-09-01T06:51:00.000-06:00

Today is friday. hopefully quiet as I am the only one here. Just seems as though ths week has been dragging on forever. Looking forward to the 3-day weekend. can't really drive anywhere because of the neck and back, but thats ok. The kids have plans. They have no school today, so last night they both spent the night at friends house. Tonight Princess has football game and dance to attend. Don't know what Boy has planned. I have some in-game raiding to do, maybe sci-fi friday shows. tomorrow they both have sleepovers planned again. Hrm. maybe Honey and I should do something. hrmm..

Princess moved from 12th to 9th in her meet yesterday so she goes to the NM invitational next weekend. That just rocks. she is quite the little runner and may be ready for her marathon in Dec. The Boy is still sticking it out in football and found his cleats. I'm glad. them getting stolen pissed me off. He has lost like 10lbs, so I think he likes the results that playing is giving him. I hope he keeps it up and recgonizes that even if he isn't a starter, he's doing well for himself with the exercise.

Speaking of exercise. holy shit. Physical therapy my ass. torture. Simple stretching, muscle strengthening exercises HURT.. today I am sore as if i had worked out for 3 hrs including cardio and weight lifting. Man. Maybe i'll lose some weight from having to do these exercises. They give them to me for one leg. I just do them on both legs. Can't have one skinny leg and one fat one, now can i? I am barely moving, sore but slight bit less pain, so i think the exercises actually are helping. but man, yesterday they were pure hell.

Ready for the weekend at 7am on friday. yep... definately time to go home and relax.

{listening to In My Place by Coldplay}

i forgot about bitches

2006-08-31T12:24:00.000-06:00

you know, i try to retain a perspective of what my needs and wants were in high school so that I can be more understanding now that my kids are teenagers. But let me tell you. I forgot about how bitchy and petty girls are.. so we got the one site removed. then Princess gets an im from the girl sayin i put more pictures up i have a bunch of sites that you dont' know about. So i found a couple, only one has a picture of Princess with the saying "Princess is a bitch" over and over to take up a whole page. I think its funny. but sad at the same time. i am on a mission with this girl now.

Physical therapy today. i am still sore from tuesday and today my neck and back and knee are really killing me. its kinda crazy, i hoped doing the exercises would start helping me, but i guess what can i expect after just 2 appointments?

work is psychotic today. they released a new program but several hundred user accounts have to be recreated and so people are calling like crazy. HD Dude gave a 1 week notice. can't say i'm sad. maybe he'll do better at his new job. I just find it amazing that he found another job doing tech support when he couldn't tech support his way out of a box. Being by myself will probably be less stress than with him here and having mild expectations from him. No one else means no other expectations.

amazing....

2006-08-30T07:14:00.000-06:00

sometimes, you can actually accomplish things. in yesterday's post, i bitched about xanga.com. I still hate them for their attitude and sadly believe that if your child is going to have a page on the internet, myspace.com is the way to go. Not that I think anything is truly safe for kids on the internet, but through education and monitoring, as parents its what we can do. Nonetheless. The girl who refused to take Princess's photo off her site had her site shut down with a few carefully worded emails to xanga.com. Unfortunately, it wasn't until I copied the attorney general's office, that any action was taken. Very sad that they work that way.

Scrambling to find headrests for the pathfinder. Guess we will have to buy them. sucks that.

Hurting today after PT. really hurting. The Boy's first football game is today. I will have to drive about 40 min to get there. Lets hope i can do it without too much pain. Roommate may be going with me, and I will probably have him drive.

Hopefully a slower day at work than it has been.

{listening to Automatic Stop by The Strokes}

xanga.com REFUSES to protect children.

2006-08-29T06:34:00.000-06:00

well i have issue with xanga.com
a user has stolen information from Princess's myspace and put it on an unprotected xanga site and the girl, her parents and xanga all refuse to take the information down.
I have taken to emailing, protesting and spreading the word about xanga's complete inability and unwillingness to help a parent protect a minor child's privacy. The girl on xanga is 12 yrs old, not old enough to hold a xanga account. fucking people are just ridiculous. I have tried to talk to the girl. She refuses to give her phone number so i can call her parent. She claims to not know anything about her xanga account to take it down. Xanga refuses to do anything about it. What a crock of shit. I offered to give them the exact code which needs to be edited off the site. I have given them the site name. Yet, they can't do anything. MY ASS.. ITS PUBLIC INFORMATION. take the shit fucking down. I have emailed 3 different attorney general's offices with my emails to Xanga to remove the information. I will see what they will do after the last email that was sent. I am now promoting the BOYCOTT of Xanga.com and ANY ADVERTISERS that condone and support a site that refuses a simple request of a concerned parent.

i drove today. the new car. i know i haven't posted in a few days. but they have been busy. we got 2 new cars, got out from under the pathfinder and still end up saving like 200/mo on car payments. From 1 car payment to 2, we save 200/mo.. holy crap am i glad to be done with the pathfinder. I drove slow, not sure that i actually hit the speed limit on any road. I was quite scared. I imagine today on the way to PT is going to be even more frightening. Much more traffic than at 5:30am. Then i have to get home from PT. that will be during rush hour. I am already not looking forward to that and catch my breath every time i think about it. this accident has really scared the shit out of me.

i got an 01 mazada millenia. sweet, plush, luxury. Honey, he got a 98 expedition. I don't think he stopped smiling. i think he wanted to sleep in it. i think i haven't seen him that happy since he first picked up sasha (puppy) and she loved on him and wouldn't let him put her down. We put less money down than we anticipated, insurance is going to be reasonable and did i mention we are out from under the pathfinder? I hate that the expedition is a total gas hog, but fortunately, except for taking the kids to school, with 2 cars, we can hopefully save gas on the beast. I will admit to it being a big, huge, comfortable ride. I understand the appeal of those gigantic vehicles now. they are roomy, and that alone makes a gigantic difference. the millenia on the other hand is economical, or about as economical you can get with a mid-sized sedan. I probably could have got some compact car, and boy did it cross my mind, but I absolutely cannot see trying to cram 2 teenagers into a compact car. gas mileage or no, the first fight and someone would get hurt. badly. It is cushy though, cushy cushy cushy.

in addition to new cars, middle sister had her baby. I am extremely sad that i missed it, but happy to have a new little princess with us now. Also, last week, middle sister had to put her dog down due to a stroke. He was old. 14 yrs old. He was the best dog I have ever known. My sister's constant companion since she was 18. She lost and gained a precious soul in the course of a week. We are all very heartbroken about Maxxers. Max gone, Little Princess here. crazy little circle of life week.

Work has been crazy.

Day 2 of PT today. knee, neck and back see temporary relieve from the exercises, but the pain is still pretty much constant. i still can't hardly walk without the brace and my lower back has sharp pain most of the time. My neck is just like a stiff neck all the damn time. worse some days than others, but always a little "catch" on the left side. I stretch or straighten my neck/back and it sounds just like crackling. We'll see what she has for me. I kinda hope not the electrical things again, boy those made me sore.

exhaust

2006-08-23T07:58:00.000-06:00

{listening to: Dreams of Our Fathers by Dave Matthews Band}

lawyer yesterday. that went ok. things to do, but i feel better about it. worse at the same time. i'm sorry my insurance company is so horrible that i was put in the position to have to.

physical therapy today. i'm looking forward to it, kinda. my knee hurts, my neck and back hurt. much needed.

replacing parts for CEO's laptop. finally got the thing to boot so i can get all his info off it. damn. what a challenge. its not a hard drive problem, but not like you can tell HP anything. when you are a girl calling tech support you are automatically a retard who knows nothing about computers. yet they are sending 3 parts to "resolve the issue". what dumbasses. glad its warranty.

kids are kids.. fighting. Princess believes that Boy deserves/needs and should not want anything. Such as, orange juice, for his cold. he doesn't need that, i need to not go to the store to get him stupid stuff like that. on the other hand. she NEEDS money to Chipotle with her friends after cross-country today. huh.. interesting viewpoint, princess, very interesting. that was yesterday. every day its something new. always a challenge those 2.

Boy is still sick. Honey is getting it again. i dont' want it. Roommate doesn't want it. i too am drinking orange juice.

{listening to This Charming Man by The Smiths}

totally tuesday

2006-08-22T08:02:00.000-06:00

the good news is: no knee surgery. the bad news is 6-8 months of physical therapy. my knee is nonetheless jacked, just not broken. I hyper-extended the ligament and while its not torn, its not normal. I still get to wear my brace every day, but i can do more as long as i manage the pain. if it hurts, don't do that. the physical therapy is also for my neck and back, which is good too. i need to figure out what the hell is up with my back.

the Boy is home sick. damn cold from school.

i see attorney today. that should be interesting. i am a bit nervous but, sadly, i am going to need some medical reimbursement that i just cannot afford without intervention.

HD Dude is out today. this actually has no impact on my job, except i don't have to listen to him be irritating.

{listening to Rip This Joint by Rolling Stones}

sleepytime

2006-08-21T06:21:00.000-06:00

man, do i just want to sleep in today. rollin outta bed at 4:30 just wasn't happening. i wanted to call into work today. i am just plain ole tired today.

knee and back are doing alright this morning. hopefully the mri result appointment will turn out pretty good too.

i have to call a lawyer. i have been so slack in that, but just got the medical bills where my insurance company is trying to fuck me. figures.. just fucking figures.

i get tired of men who think women should be silent. strong women with brains and opinions are met with defense and arrogance. if i didn't have a busted knee, i know a couple i'd put my foot up their ass.

Honey starts back to school tomorrow. gonna be a weird schedule but he's almost done. 2 semesters and he has his degree. not quite sure how we are gonna work a single car just yet, but we will, somehow.

{listening to Red Hill Mining Town by U2}

trash talkin'

2006-08-17T06:44:00.000-06:00

{listening to Vibrate by Andre 3000}

I need more music at work.
I am tired this morning.
looked at new couches yesterday. nothing that i loved. couple things that i liked. we didnt buy anything.
i need to research the video game i play. yes. research a game.
i still haven't found an acceptable car. though, i have only been to one dealer and the rest has been lookin online. nonetheless discouraging.
i feel that more and more i am in a funk, but recognize that just hurting all the time is probably contributing to that. I am in a good mood, but just not my normal nothing gets to me self.
i haven't even felt like cooking. when i get home, physically, i am wiped. that is just shocking.
cleaning.. nope not that either. *sigh*.. i hope i feel better after monday's dr. appt and knowing more about where i stand. i think the not knowing anything is kinda bringing me down.
work is calm this morning. hooray.. now i can play catch up.

{listening to My Skin by Natalie Merchant}

humpity hump day

2006-08-16T07:26:00.000-06:00

{listening to Satellite by Dave Matthews Band}

Ahh.. today should be much better.
kids are in school, work should be calmed down. now that the kids are both playing sports, the main argument is whether or not cross-country is more of a sport than football, or vice versa. "you don't have to do push-ups in pads!" "oh yeah? well you didn't have to run over 5 miles today" its nerve-wracking, but funny too.

looked at cars for a small bit yesterday afternoon. Honey is really fond of the maxima's and altima's. not quite sure how that will play out. i am partial to the altima for getting lower mileage on a used and the lower gas mileage in general. i like the maxima because of the roominess. Honey on the other hand loves the roominess and the V6. the gas mileage is "negligible". When we started the contemplation of a car, gas mileage and something comprable in size to the stratus was what we were going for. Now that he test drove the maxima, we need bigger and more power, gas mileage isn't so much.. ha!... we'll see. its his money, its his car, Though i must say, he stat in the 40K brand new maxima. I think they need to clean the seats in that now, possible consider it used. it had the navigation system, satellite radio ready, bluetooth cell enabled, cd, cd changer, dvd player.. about the only damn thing it didn't have was a laptop top installed for the drivers use. i'm convinced he would have sold one of the kids to pay for it if I would have agreed. I think he sat in the damn thing for 30 mins. just ogling, caressing, enjoying the seduction of the sweet smell of luxury car. meanwhile, i went to the altima's to satisfy my curiosity about a compartment that i had seen in pictures but couldn't quite figure out wtf it was. i thought maybe navigation system, dvd screen, something. nope, turns out it was just a damn compartment. oh well.. even nissan has some stupid ideas now and again.

Alas, we did not buy the first car we saw that we liked. Honey drove 3 of them yesterday and we walked out with an idea of what we want. Because i still can't drive (damn dr.'s and their orders) i missed out on the test driving a car experience. *sigh*. however, the sales guy got a real kick out of me telling Honey to get in and figure out if his feet fit comfortably. "no baby, how do your feet fit? and what about in the back?" .. until Honey got out of the car and the sales guy finally checked out the size 14's, he didn't quite get what the hell i was talking about. The sales guy, who happened to be black, says "among the brothers, you would not be found wanting".. my response was "there's a reason i keep him".. ahh.. comraderie among a sales guy and his customers. I did like the sales guy though, until he had to turn us over to a much less personable lackey. that guy had the personality of wet sand. nice enough, just pushy on the numbers and shit. ugh. i hate buying cars.

oh well, it must be done. more looking.... hooray...please note the enthusiasm
{listening to Planned Obselescence by 10,000 Maniacs}

ooohhhmmmm..

2006-08-15T06:56:00.000-06:00

{listening to Not Sorry by The Cranberries}

whew.. monday is over. the problems at work have been fixed. today will hopefully be a slow day. plus i leave early for the kids physicals.

The Boy started football. first real day of running and pushups and exercise that boy has had in a long time. he was soooorree.. i didn't laugh either..i was proud of myself. So far he likes it. I think it will be good for him. This morning, Princess is trying to get into cross-country. If she wants to run in a marathon with Middle Sister in December, then it definately will be good for her. She had to go to school at 7am, though, which is early for her, and Honey, who has to take her.

so far, so quiet today. I am starting to seriously contemplate a new car. but i still can't drive. we'll see.
{listening to Being Boring by The Pet Shop Boys}

monday+fan

2006-08-14T11:03:00.000-06:00

man, what a monday. please note, no listening to. its because this is the first time since 6am that i have had a minute to breathe. things broken, people calling, emailing reports, addressing issues, class registrations, wireless, email, holy mother of all shit monday's, if it could go wrong, it has gone wrong. except of course, them calling off work. CALGON! TAKE ME AWAY. I was done with this day right around 6:30 am.

Physically feeling better, all in all in a good mood today. just tons of things on the work plate. its a nice, cool, overcast day. supposed to rain. i love the rain.

get your bitch on

2006-08-11T06:21:00.000-06:00

{listening to Misdirected Hostility by 311}
I always just put my itunes on random shuffle. some days, it fits perfectly.

its friday.. the mri results aren't in. (duh). still workin pain issues but hesititant to just be on vidodin and valium 24/7. I don't need a habit that requires me to go to the dr.

i am in a pissy mood today. spent the drive to work ranting at Honey about cleaning the house. apparently it wasn't totally unexpected on his part because i yelled at him in my sleep about nonsensical shit, so he says.

can't wait for the pain to really kick in to see what kind of mood i will be in later. gonna be a fabulous friday.

In the meantime, i can be pissed off that Princess still doesn't have her books. Honey is going down to the school today at 2:00 to get all up on's with the stupid people. What an completely fucked up system. they only open the bookstore at 2, and its up to the teachers to let the students go get books. and when the teachers say no, she has no options. WTF.

{listening to Crumblin' Down by John Mellencamp}

MRI day

2006-08-10T06:12:00.000-06:00

{listening to Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow}

Today is the MRI on my knee. I am anxious but not scared or anything. I wish more than anything my back would stop with the pain. The bruising is almost all gone on my leg, though my ankle is still swollen and bruised and extremely painful to the touch. The knee is still swollen and doesn't look right.

Work is still busy for the next week or so, at least that is keeping me occupied. Its hard not to be busy when i have to do the job of 2 people. HD Dude (the guy that is supposed to help me) is about worthless. I need help, not a receptionist. It gets frustrating because if I am not doing work that he is supposed to be doing, then i'm cleaning up his fuckups. Yes, the boss is aware of the situation. anyone that knows me, knows i don't really keep my mouth shut.

I still need to get the bathroom and the front yard finished and am concerned about them both. But i'm not in a position to do either one of them with a jacked up knee and back. Sometime, a bone has to be thrown to me. give me a break. In a previous life, i must have been eeevvvilll.. i just can't seem to catch moment to breathe without something else fucked up happening. I am not complaining really, but i would just like to coast for a year or 2 through life instead of everyday having to be a conscious move toward not getting fucked. Life being fucked up doesn't stop it from being a good one, so don't get me wrong there. I got it pretty sweet with my Honey, my kids, my family, my job. Though it could always pay more, but what job could you really do that you would like to be paid less for doing? Yah.. thought so.
{listening to The Kingdom by Echo & The Bunnymen}

morning

2006-08-09T06:20:00.000-06:00

{listening to Trouble by Dave Matthews Band}

I just love mornings. They are so peaceful and quiet. I like the time to myself to sit and think about what the day has for me. Its when i get my thoughts together, plan my day. Lately, it is also when I feel the best physically. Some mornings i can even move. I love driving to work, with the sun just beginning to crack a smile. It illuminates the mountains and is nice and cool. Morning views from work really make me understand why I love colorado, despite being so far from my family.

I finally got my MRI scheduled. I'm a bit nervous but hope that it turns out well. The kids are off to a running start in school and both are liking their classes and their teachers so far (day 3, of course they like it).

This morning is a low pain morning. I slept well and am doing alright. Already as I have started sitting at my desk, the aches and pains have started getting worse, so I don't have high hopes for the day, but at least I got 30 mins or so of mobility today. The knee is doing better, the ankle and the back are doing worse.

I just finished reading "The Long Dark Tea Time of The Soul" by Douglas Adams. Great book. i really like all his books, they give you the opportunity to speculate and write portions for yourself. Sometimes that makes for a rough read, but they are always chock full of fantastic descriptions and situations and characters.

Today will be a good day...i will it so..

{listening to Kalimba Story by Earth Wind & Fire}

accident leftovers

2006-08-08T06:23:00.000-06:00

{listening to: Silver Lining by David Gray}

I'm about done with this whole accident injury bullshit. I am tired of not being able to walk or work out. My fears are of gaining weight. How shallow. Not that I am skinny or anything, I just really was making the effort to lose weight, going to the gym every day, and now i'm on complete ass rest. I am supposed to be sitting/lying down all the time, walking as little as possible. I can't even work my upper body at the moment because of the neck and back injuries.

Not that physically I am ready to work out. I just want to do something. My body is in constant, chronic pain. I can totally understand how people become addicted to pain meds after severe injuries. You really just want to pop them until the pain goes away. Regular doses don't cut it. I keep it in my mind that, despite physical pain, working out would help some of the mental and emotion stress of this whole thing subside.

i'm glad that i have Honey and the kids to help me right now. I don't know what i would do without them. i love them and they have been so supportive and helpful. somedays, i just feel overwhelmed with love for them. they really are the greatest.

{listening to Dreaming my Dreams of You by Cowboy Junkies}