How I Spent My....

Last week: snowed in due to blizzard
Last weekend: preparing for Christmas, panic'ing my way across colorado, nebraska and iowa
Last 2 days: having christmas, visiting friends, panic'ing my way back across colorado, nebraska and iowa.

The blizzard here in colorado last week pretty much messed up my entire schedule. I missed PT , we got started on vacation a day and a half late, the kids missed finals because school was closed. I am catching up on work because work was closed for 2 days last week, and then 2 more days for holiday this week.

I got to hit the casino in iowa.. It was fun, but I didnt' stay long enough to win or even lose all my money. I sure wish there was some where closer to here that I could go on a regular basis. Oh well, it was fun anyway.

I got an iPod, magic bullet, some jewelry, some bath and body works and thats about it.. but I love all that I got. I am so glad that I have in-laws who care about what I like. The kids made out like bandits, and I still owe the princess a couple things that I couldn't quite get in time for the holidays, but she knows they are comin, so its all good. The boy got everything he could have wanted, except for the xbox 360, but he still made out better than he ever expected. I am pleased with their xmas presents and I know that they are really happy about them.

We are expecting another snow storm starting tonight/tomorrow, as bad or worse they say, as the one last week. I am fretting that the airport and/or interstate don't get shut down. The kids fly out on saturday to their dads. I know they are looking forward to it. I'm sure that somehow a blizzard closing down the airport and interstate would be my fault or I'm keeping the kids away from him, bla bla blah. Not much I can do about him being pissed or a blizzard, so pretty much he can fuck off if it comes to that.

Back to the grind. not sure why nothing is playing on my itunes. I have transferred a bunch of music to the new iPod from here and its all charged. i am happier than i expected witht he new gadget.

2 days and watching for snow

Well, as would be expected, in my world anyway, travel plans are about to be messed up. We are now unsure if we can make the drive to the in-laws because of weather. We are supposed to get a beating, and the storm is supposed to head east, right where we are headed. I guess we will just wait and see...

Things have been busy at work. We had our holiday party on friday. The party itself wasn't as good as it could have been, the food was great, the location was great, the gifts were blah, and as usual, there were many inside jokes. My boss had a party at his place afterward, which was a blast of a time. I got pissed drunk, but had a most awesome time. Saturday I felt fine, despite my rough Friday night. This actually suprised me. the honey was kind enough to stop drinking so that I could do shots. My mistake was keeping up with the regular drinkers. I don't drink enough to keep up with someone who does it every weekend. Learned a new recipe for Buffalo Chicken Wing Dip. DAMN tasty stuff... does NOT go with Jack and Lemonade though.

I missed therapy today because the Princess needed picked up at school cause she didn't feel good. We had an expensive emergency yesterday when the Expedition got a flat tire. This fix required $500 in 2 new tires, alignment, oil change. YIKES. Oh well, fortunately, we are doing OK on finances that it wasn't a eat or drive type of situation, it just makes the travel for the holiday a little more tight. It might even mean no casino for me.. OH NO, THE HORROR!

The kids are way excited, and I am too. The Princess has guessed most of her presents. The boy thinks that he got his already. We gave early presents on Saturday, but not the important ones for the Princess. We took the boy to get his rollerblades so that he could try them on. Holy crap am I glad we did. Size 10. OMG. He got nice ones, but they are hockey skates, so are taking him some getting used to. But he thinks thats all he's getting, mostly because thats what we told him, but he's in for a huge surprise. He's getting good stuff, besides the rollerblades. The princess is too, but she got more clothes than he did, and she's been given some of it already. That was her early gift. There are still some more things I'd like to get her, but with the holiday fast approaching and the emergency expense, it will have to wait until after they come back from their Dads.

My neck has been jacked up since Saturday, but I just keep plugging along. I wanted to go to therapy yesterday, but couldn't manage it with the Princess not feeling well. The honey didn't get to work till noon, so he couldn't very well take off early to go get her, so it fell on my shoulders. Tomorrow though, I will hopefully get some work for the trip that will help. I did manage to push through the final shopping and what not on Sat and Sun, even with a horrible headache and stiff neck. That was the best thing. I don't think the honey knows how much I appreciate his helping me get shopping done and all the time he has spent at the mall and in crowded places. I know he hates all that stuff, but he has totally been a trooper and stepped up to the plate to help me since I couldn't physically do it all myself. I wish that I could, but I can't shop like I used to since the accident.

I was also a gigantic bitch on sunday cause I didn't feel well, but he understood that too. This whole accident has put a strain on our relationship, because it demands so much of him, but I appreciate all that he has done for me.

I know one of my presents, and now I am struggling with guilt for having asked for something expensive. I appreciate it, I want it, but it isn't necessary and it was quite a bit of money that we could now use. However, I have wrapped it instead of having it early and we'll see if I end up taking it back. I do want it though. I don't know what else that I got, but the honey got me something that he has been super secretive about. He knows I hate the surprises. Its easier for me not to know, but he's not that sly, heh.

Its coming, hopefully we get to be with family, but either way, I am stoked to have the kids and they would just have to wait on some of the gifts that are at grandmas house if we don't get to go. I think we will though. We have the 4WD now, and have the time to get a hotel if needed. So, we'll see how that all plays out over the next couple days with this storm.

Holiday Party

Today is our company holiday party. Everyone gets dressed up, we go to the nicest hotel in town and start the celebration at 11:00am. Don't even have to come back to work. They usually give out nice prizes and its entertaining. The food is good, the drinks are free. Today should be a good day. Still have work to do before the party and I've been getting lots done this morning.

Been reading websites about the Wiimote flying through TV's and what not. Most of it seems to be people just being over zealous with the game. Too funny. We've been fortunate to have nothing more than sore muscles in our house.

PT yesterday. Was good. worked hard. A bit sore today, but not doing too badly. Went to bed early so I think that helped.

More shopping this weekend to finish off presents. I had a bout where I felt bad about lying to the kids about what they want vs. what we bought, but I truly want them to be surprised. I think they both will be and I think they will be happy, even if they don't get everything they wanted. But I think they will get most of what they want.

Gonna try to play the game tonight. I haven't played since Monday, so I am excited to do something. My friend is still not talking to me or anyone associated with me because of it. Too bad he's a 29 yr old child. Makes me sad to lose a friend over a stupid game, but I apologized, either he can accept it, or lose 6 more friends cause he thinks he can't be friends with people I'm friends with. Sucks to be lonely like him. Oh well.

Stomach in knots

So today was supposed to be my deposition with my attorney and the insurance adjuster for the other person. My stomach has been in knots for the past week over this, wondering how its going to go. I got a call about 10 min before to say its been cancelled and will be rescheduled. Hrmph. Now I get the pleasure of fretting over the holidays about it. Oh well.

Just have a couple more presents to buy and then we are done with the kiddos. That is good. Ready for vacation. So far I have done a good job of throwing them off track of their gifts. Which is highly unusual for me. I usually can't wait to give them the things that they really want. Got another week of holdout...we'll see how that goes. I have even managed a straight face to tell them no to the things they want, and we got, but I want them to be surprised.

Had PT yesterday. Feeling alright today, not too sore or stiff. I think that I am getting better. Still no word on my MRI stuff, but oh well, since it is the holidays, I presume that doctors take much vacation or something. I have been too preoccupied to even have a minute to call them.

Busy at work, busy at home.. life is pretty good at the moment, just busy.

a week has passed...

..and here is why i haven't written. I have been having horrible pains in my neck, not sleeping well, general kid and friend drama, and all around busy.

My neck has been sore and painful since last tuesday's PT. I barely made it through work on Wed. called in sick on Thursday, pushed through work on friday. I didn't sleep much over last week with that pain, despite taking more prescriptions to kill a horse. I still don't feel caught up on my sleep. I can hardly move my neck and shoulder on my left side, but unfortunately, this time of year, I can only allow limited downtime as there is much to accomplish and bedone before the holidays. I didn't get to PT on Thursday because I couldn't physically drive. I can hardly turn my head, even now, and shopping took longer than expected because my knee and neck were just killing me and we had to stop for a bit. For lunch in fact, which was nice.

Work has been busy trying to get desktops and laptops migrated to users. This week is our company holiday party. That will be fun on Friday, but what that also means is all the people who are remote bring their laptops in for me to work on and fix problems with. That starts today and I will be busy up until the party starts on Friday afternoon.

Over the weekend, the honey and I managed to get away from everyone and go shopping. We got the kids their ipods and misc other things, but still have a couple more things to pick up. We also got the dogs their new harnesses for traveling. Sasha didn't like hers and pretty much pouted the whole night. They are just nylon harnesses so they are wearing them right now to get used to them. Mojo just appreciated all the love he got while we were putting it on him. He doesn't care one way or the other. Sasha is still a bit pouty about having to wear hers. Funny puppies. We also bought the roommate an ipod. He has wanted one forever and just didn't have and didn't want to spend the money on a big ipod. We got him the 30g one. We had a friend over for Ham dinner on Sunday and presented him with his gift early. He loved it. For someone who is as gruff and hardened (for good reasons) about the holidays, he appreciated it alot and despite it screwing up his music on import into iTunes, he loves it. That is the point of giving.

Also during that friend coming over, he (the friend) and I got in a huge argument and I was yelling even. Man, I was so offended and couldn't believe the shit that had come out of his mouth. Yesterday, I sent him an email to apologize for yelling. Haven't heard back, i'm pretty sure he is still pissed, but honestly, i could give a shit. He acted like a child and if he's still pissed, he's still acting like a child. The honey explained to me that people don't like it when I don't back down because they generally know they are in the wrong. He said that I won't argue for the sake of arguing, but if I don't back down, then the other person is probably in the wrong. I don't let people walk on me. I thought that was funny that he said that, because, in general, its pretty true. I don't just argue or piss people off, I don't say things just to be abrasive, though I am very blunt, but its more that I don't want to put the energy into being angry or upset with someone else, so I just don't argue. Roll with the punches, go with the flow. So, anyway, now that I jumped in that angry/argument boat, I'm adrift at sea knowing that someone is holding a grudge against me. It will be a while before I get over that. But life continues and in the end, he was an asshole and fuck that if he can't accept it.

On the note that set off the argument, I got a new piece of armor in my game and generally had fun since joining my new guild. They run every night of the week, though I can't go alot of the time because its too late for me stay up. But i can go once or twice a week and on weekends. But my hat is awesome, and mostly I had a blast running through the instances that I had never been in. They are very technical, so I made a bunch of mistakes, but just gotta get to know the technique and i'll be ok. I went on one last night too and got better, I thought, since I learned the strategy on Sunday. So, for a change, time in game has been awesome recently.

Tonight is another one, which starts much earlier, but not sure if I will be able to make it as the Boy has a holiday choir concert.

{Listening to Stayin Alive Remix by Wyclef Jean}

seeing as how...

Its 2 weeks past thanksgiving, I finally got my photos sent out and put up. I didn't take but a couple photos, so i'm not sure, but I am in exactly 1 picture. I don't know that there is many of me from anyone else, either. I think that makes me sad, but I can't say that I didn't expect it. In my sister's house, she has walls and walls of pictures.. with exactly 1 of me in any of them. Par for the course, oh well. I don't have any photos from anyone else. I haven't gotten the link from the professional photographer that took the family pictures. Mine are up and the link is sent.

Today is PT. I hurt today. I finished my book last night, so I stayed up too late again last night. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm not sure why, just can't seem to get comfortable. I have been taking the ibuprofen like the PT suggested, but i don't know that it is making a difference. We are past a week of the MRI and still don't know results. I am kinda just wondering about that. The PT seems to think it won't be anything. A friend of mine got in a wreck in Sept and she has to have surgery on her lower back. Her accident wasn't even as bad as mine. Just crazy.

The honey is off work today as he is studying for his finals. We went to dinner last night and it was awesome. Our favorite steak house. I get to eat it for lunch today too!! Work is busy, but good. Boss has been full of piss and vinegar, giving alot of shit, but its funny. Its partly why I love my job. Joking around and having fun while at work, its what makes it less work-like.

Looking forward to some PT. Looking forward to some new exercises. I was showing the kids a couple of the exercises that I have to do for PT on the ball and they both thought they were hard. Which they are, but funny that the kids, active and athletic, thought they were hard and I have to do them every day with my fat ass.

The kids are getting ready for finals, we are all looking forward to vacation and Christmas time. Still no word from their dad on tickets. Oh well. Seriously not my problem. We will do something if they don't go. I will feel very sad for them. But unfortunately, he is a selfish prick and spending his life with his bitch is currently more important than his kids. They are busy in their lives and thats exciting. The Princess is working on track season. I need to get her a new physical. The boy is working on the school newspaper and being himself. They both spend much time working my last nerve, but thats not to say its bad. They are teenagers. Its their job to drive me nuts, but fortunately, they are good kids... still...so far.... I love them to death. I know how sad the Princess is not to be at her dad's, but man, I am SOOOO glad she is with me. I think she is happy in her life and how things are going. She's got great friends, and I think that what she likes the most is the knowledge that she's not going to be uprooted. She gets to go through High School with the same people. Her best friends here are awesome and they are all crazy ladies. The boy likes everyone, everyone is his friend. He has a crush on a girl and its the cutest thing, though we've had to nip it in its bud since he's not allowed to have a girlfriend and they were getting too close and doing too much "not going out" stuff. Hanging out all the time, going to the movies, etc.

Love the kiddos, love the honey, thinkin life aint too bad right now.. with the exception of chronic pain in my neck. I need to fix the house up. Get shit in order, get shit thrown away. After the new year, when finances calm down, I will be working that malfunction. I almost ripped up all the carpet in the living room and dining room the other day on a whim. The Honey stopped me. I will be paying someone to fix the bathrooms first.. then the kitchen/dining room, front yard has to be in there too. So much for vacation, money is going into the house.. heh. excellent. I actually want to go to Disney World if honey has to go to orlando for work. Take the kids. All kinds of things running through my head this morning. Off I go to work..

{listening to King of May by Natalie Merchant}

cold..........

That is what it has been since last week. Damn cold. I think the high has been MAYBE in the 30's. It snowed on saturday some more and then, the weather channel said it was bitterly cold. I think it got up to 0 saturday night. I can't seem to get warm.

I didn't sleep last night, but for a few hours. I am tired today. Had to get a new coffee maker yesterday. That was a challenge. I was almost brought to tears by the death of my Aroma Grande, that Starbucks doesn't make anymore. Ended up getting another Starbucks coffee maker, but its not nearly as easy to use or sexy. Still makes excellent coffee.

Saturday was shopping and i ended up dropping a glass bottle in the middle of the checkout line at Ross. I was mortified, but shopping continued. It snowed all day saturday, which was cold, but gorgeous. I am getting over my fears of driving on the ice, well a little bit. I am no longer confined to the house on days that it snows. I can enjoy the day and get out and do stuff without the fear paralyzing me. Chad drove, but it was a nice day, just the 2 of us.

My neck has plagued me since friday night. I haven't done much, except shopping, and had to drug up for that. Today my neck is very stiff and sore and combined with being tired has given me a headache. I am tired of its inconvenience and have more or less decided to just drug through the rough days and continue with my life. It makes it hard, it makes me grumpy and I snap at everyone, but I think they understand.

Today is another cold one and though there is no snow in the forecast, it is all over the ground. I wish that I had my camera cause the view from work is postcard perfect. Its a golf course, a lake and houses set at the base of the mountain. It is certainly gorgeous, an awesome place to sit and contemplate, if I weren't at work and it wasn't too cold to be outside. Nice to look at during smoke breaks though.

Tomorrow is PT. Still no word from the MRI or the Dr. Need to call the attorney today and stop by there on my way home to give them some papers from my insurance.

i've made it

to Friday. This has been one long week. I have been more busy than I expected and just keep being on the run. I haven't had the inclination to log into my game even once. I do believe I will be leaving my current guild for a much larger more experienced guild, but not quite sure exactly when. Probably this weekend.

I had PT yesterday again. I hurt today. I have been doing my best to work hard at the exercises to ensure that I make progress, but some days they are just rough. I do see a pay off, though, and actually think i'm losing weight. It doesn't help my neck any to actually work at the exercises, which is discouraging. Still no word from the MRI.

Busy yet again today. Keep on truckin along. Haven't even got itunes cranked up yet this morning.

Shopping this weekend, I think. And bill paying. But thats ok too.

snowy day

Today we are getting a ton of snow.. with a winter advisory. I drove in it ok, but dang was it slick. I got to work a little before 6, and around 7 they delayed for 2 hrs with possible closure. Kids are home from school. The honey is working from home. I am busy here.. *sigh*..

I am a bit sore after PT, but not horrible. My neck is stiff, but I think its because I missed a week. Even though I exercised, I couldn't do all of them while on vacation. Driving on the ice doesn't help with neck tension.

VERY busy at work. I like it that way. Though I would like to go home and see what I can do from there.. heh.. home is good.

vacation

so i haven't posted in over a week. The reason being that I was on vacation. A bona fide vacation. nothing to do, and limited places to be. The kids and I went to AZ to visit family for thanksgiving. It was a good time, mostly. I felt on the periphery of their lives and not really a part of my family, but that, i suppose is probably normal for me. I had one breakdown where i really felt excluded and i had to call the honey, who was in IA with his family and vent. The kids had fun and it was really great seeing my brother and sisters and their respective families. My new niece is just absolutely adorable. I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I would have liked, but she is just a princess. Everytime I called her princess Skylar she would smile huge at me. My baby sister's little girl is just a cutie pie too. Shy though, and got to where she would only let my sister and my daughter (THE princess) hold her. Though at the end of our trip, I got to playing with her and she just giggled and laughed. She is almost 2 and walks around brushing her hair and wanting her nails painted. She loves shoes and has the cutest little pair of fuzzy slippers. Man, the girls in my family are total princesses. I kept telling both my sisters that my daughter is the example of what their little princesses will grow into.... boy, clothes, shoes, makeup, label clothes CRAZY! Me and the kids stayed with my brother and I didn't get a chance to see my best friend from high school. But the kids did get to spend 2 days with their ex-stepmom who was happy as could be to see them. I spent time with my brother and his wife and had a great time. Got to know his wife a bit more as I didn't know her very well. We cooked and shopped and entertained the whole brood. It was good I think. We had a good time, but again, i just kinda felt on the periphery. I also got to spend some time with my nephew who is almost 18. Man, he has grown and is just like his dad used to be. Makes me miss his dad all that much more. I was so happy to see him. I think it had been 8 years or so.

My neck pretty much hurt the whole time and I didn't do much activity wise. We went shopping one day and my knee hurt. Thanksgiving day, I helped cook then drugged up. I couldn't do any of the family activities that we did, ie bowling, whiffle ball, swimming, because of my neck and current treatment. I really didn't want anything to happen or hurt myself any worse than I am already. My neck traveled on the plane pretty well, better than I expected, though the nights after the flights were a bit painful.

Had my MRI on my neck yesterday. It was somewhat relaxing. I just laid there and closed my eyes and meditated. Won't know the results for a week or so on that. I have PT today. I could tell that I missed it last week due to the holiday. I tried to do as many exercises as I could while I was gone, but I didn't have my ball or anything, so only did a few of them. Kept stretching my neck, but I do that all the time anyway. It just wouldn't let up on the stiffness.

The ex-husband called while on vacation. He said he was buying plane tickets. I still haven't seen them. Guess I'll have to call this weekend or something. If he doesn't take the kids, then we'll go skiing. It will be expensive, and sad that they don't get to see their dad or grandparents, but hey, he needs to step up to the plate.

Glad to be home. Looking forward to Xmas with the honey's family. Mine stresses me out.

one the verge..

I leave for vacation tomorrow. I am completely unprepared. I haven't packed, I haven't done laundry, the kids haven't packed or done laundry. The whole house is sick. the Boy stayed home from shool again today. The princess couldn't stay home and have her social life disrupted.

I had PT yesterday. I am sore today and not feeling that hot. My neck hurts like nobody's business and I am getting more and more anxious at going to AZ for the holiday. A week is a long time to be with my family and their dysfunction. But I am excited to see my new niece.

I am busy at work trying to get things done here before being gone for a week. I am also very very hungry. Lunch can't come soon enough.

stop, look around

{Listening to Different People by No Doubt}

well this has been a crazy crazy week. I am so very ill prepared for my trip this weekend. I don't have time for vacation!!!. Lets start where we left off last week: The weekend:

Saturday I was up at 6, out of the house by 8 to run errands, get my hair cut, colored, etc. Home by noon, tried to dye the boy's hair blue. It didn't work, went back to the store for hair stripper, tried again, still no dice on the blue hair. Friends came over, ate some dinner. Took the princess to her friends house for sleepover, took some meds and went to bed. My neck had been bothering me all day, but I just mostly kept pushing on because I had so many errands to do. The unfortunate part of it was that the most important errand didn't get done because the place was closed due to Veteran's day. The Honey was sick, so he contributed no help other. I don't blame him, he needed rest.
Sunday, up at 6 again, played WoW for about 30 minutes, logged off, picked up Princess from her friends house. I was stiff and sore and couldn't barely see, so I vegged on the couch and tried my ball exercises. I did what i could, but it didn't work out. Watched Friends With Money. Not as good a flick as I had hoped. Roommate made Traditional Lamb Stew, which was very tasty, but gave everyone the shits. The ass piss was worst for the Honey who still was not over being sick.
Monday, work at 6, new guy started. I do believe he has promise. Very busy day, things were kinda crazy, not much training, but a little. Got him started building his computer. He did much better than the other guy that was here did. MUCH better. This is promising! Honey left work at noon to go home and get some sleep before his trip on Tuesday. I had PT today. I left feeling worse than when I went, but the exercises are tough and they keep adding more. Home, pick up the Boy from basketball game at 7, then some culvers. Home, meds and bed.
Tuesday, whole house is up before the ass crack of dawn. Honey is leaving (on a jet aeroplane), Roommate is taking the kiddos to school, I have work. Started training the new guy today. Got things covered. I truly believe he will pick up the desktop stuff. Its going to be the custom applications. We'll see how the week goes. Went shopping for black shirts with the princess after work today. Found the Boy a black polo. Apparently, girls/women don't wear black polo's. We may be shopping in Phoenix. It snowed. My neck is feeling alright. I wouldn't say good, but i'm at least functioning. If I move a certain way, it gets stuck. And, by certain way, I mean anyway other that looking straight ahead. This is not new, its especially not new after Sore throat starting. Think I'm getting sick. Princess complains of sore throat too.
Wednesday, I have to drive on the ice. This did not help my neck. It was already hurting from a restless night of sleep. The Honey was gone. I had to go into late to work because I had to take the kids to school. It was slick as shit on the east side of town. Just enough snow to freeze on the street and make it icy. I was a big ball of nerves and stress. My neck was knotted by the time I got to work at 7:15. More training. Got some good time in today, the phones weren't very busy. I think I am going to have him take phone calls. Have the after hours meeting. It sucked. The guy talked for 30 min longer than he was supposed to, and then thought he cut it short. Asked a question, then got treated like a retard. They didn't order enough food, they brought like 6 sodas. Man, the assistant can't plan anything for the life of her. I was parched by the time the 2 hours of droning were over. Got 1 glass of a nice Merlot, chatted, wrapped up the meeting. Unsuccessfully tried to steal a lemon bar. Had to take the Princess to a practice for competitive cheerleading/tumbling. The coach wanted her to come and join because of her gymastics. Got home at 6, left house at 6:30, got stuck in traffic due to accident. I freaked out and had to sit in the car a little while. I still cannot drive in traffic. Some days the fear of being rear-ended is overwhelming. Picked up the Boy from basketball, talked to the Honey long enough to know that he was hung over and delayed in Chicago for 2 extra hours. Midnight arrival time. Took the Boy to grab some dinner, best buy to get his Tenacious D cd. I love Tenacious D and was a bit apprehensive about the boy getting it because of language, then second thought that this was a movie soundtrack, it will be ok. I was wrong. Now, again, I love Tenacious D, apparently the Boy does too, but no, the language is not tamer in this album than in any of their others. Boy loves it. Went and finished watching the princess practice. It was done around 9ish, got home 9:30 and tried to crash. Princess says she has a sore throat and a swollen eye. Boy's voice is scratchy and he is sniffly. My throat still hurts, my neck just gets worse as the day goes on. The longer that I actually have to do things, the more it hurts at night. Was just about asleep when the Honey got home and the dogs couldn't get to the door fast or loud enough. They were more than excited to see daddy.

Thursday, today, NOW! after getting to bed at around midnight, getting up in time for work was rough to say the least. My neck is killing me today, but I have PT. I guess that is good. I just remembered that the Roommate told me the MRI people called. I need to get the number from him and schedule that. Shit... More training today. I think I am going to let him take a phone call or 2 and coach him on that. We did rip apart 1 laptop yesterday and started getting them built. He did well. I am excited. The Boy is home sick from school. The Princess is going to miss 1st period, then go to 2nd period. Then call if she needs me to come get her. She said her eye is almost swollen shut, so did the Honey. Ugh. I dont' have time to leave early.

Thats where the day stands at almost 8:00am
{Listening to Disco Club by Blackeyed Peas}

waiting to exhale

{listening to Better off Alive by Train}

I hate PT yesterday. The regular PT is back and i dont' feel as good as when i was seeing the sub. I exercised hard yesterday, though, and that was good for me. I feel it. I can feel when I push my knee or lower back, but i think i still need the strength to build up if i ever want to do things like hike or ride a bike again. I am still waiting on the MRI appointment. Guess I will hear when I hear on that.

Despite the positive song playing in iTunes at the moment, I am getting more and more anxious about going to visit my family. I am very excited to see everyone (or most everyone) and super excited to see my new neice and my nephew whom I haven't seen in like 8 years. But I am also very discouraged by the visit. I feel as though I am an inside joke with my brother & his fiance, my sister & her husband, and the ex boyfriend. Its like i can't say anything about the situation without it getting rumored around about how stupid I am to feel like I do. Yet, I know for a damned fact they wouldn't be approving if the situation were reversed. I think I've said it before here, that I truly believe they accept all the hateful things he said about me and my kids. Maybe I'm too loyal to those that I care about. If anyone ever said those things about my close friends or family, you would be hard pressed not to find me kicking their ass in a dark alley somewhere. Yet, my family accepts him more for what he did to me than me for leaving someone who treated me and my kids like shit and thinks so little of us. No wonder women in abusive relationships stay. Cause they are the ones that are ostracized when its over, not the guy. He's heralded a saint and best friend by her family. Ok, so thats just my situation, but I totally understand why, in general women don't leave, especially when it is mental or emotional abuse. Its different, people claim you are too sensitive, they say you should just get over it. My family was fairly, but very distantly supportive when I had a physically abusive boyfriend and got out of that. But the mental and emotional abuse at the end of the relationship with aforementioned ex, thats completely acceptable to them. Its as if they said to him "Please, treat my sister like shit, you'll be our friend for life." So all of this has me anxious and distanced and not really wanting to go. I feel that I should just live my life as I do and keep them distanced. They don't really care anyway. So with this weight on my shoulder, knowing that this weekend, my family will be enjoying their celebration with my ex because i'm a huge bitch and don't want him around when I'm there visiting and hence he won't be invited to my family's thanksgiving. That he is "uncle mike" to my neice bothers me to absolutely no end. If the kids weren't looking forward to it, I would seriously consider cancelling my tickets. I am absolutely knotted up in my gut about this. And they just get defensive and insulted if I mention it. I think, after this visit, I will remain in my cocoon in colorado and leave my family. They truly don't appreciate what I have done for them, they don't appreciate me as a person, and they certainly don't appreciate me as a sister. Yeah, that might be hurt feelings talking, but what is absolutely, positively fact, is that they dont' fucking get why it bothers me or even care to get why it bothers me. I have been accepting and supportive of every decision they have ever made in their lives, even when I didn't necessarily agree. Yet, for me, it is too late to get that in return from them. I guess I have made myself vulnerable by thinking that family, even fucked up ones like mine, come first. I must be the only one in my family who thinks that, cause my sister, brother and my mom & dad certainly don't show that to me. They have helped me out in a bind, they have helped my kids out in a bind. But that has been in the last 2 years, only. Never before have they lent me a hand or offered more than they had to me because i needed it. Maybe because I don't usually need it. But this one thing, I asked in the beginning of my sister, and she pretty much told me to fuck off. Now, 5 years later, I have still fucked off and she doesn't get why It makes me cry. Just suck it up, E, just suck it. That's what I will be doing, with a knot in my stomach. Guess that will curb some holiday eating, huh?

Speaking of ex's. the ex-husband called this week . He is pissed about the princess having almost 2000 text messages when her allotment is 250. Extra 160 on the bill . I had to chuckle to myself on that one. I had warned her, but she didn't listen. For november, she's already at almost 500. He hasn't made any arrangements for Xmas or tickets or anything, as I suspect he wouldn't have done. But I mentioned that flights for the week after were expensive, if available even. In his rant to the princess, he said that with her text bill, he may not be able to afford plane tickets. Sucks for them, because they don't see he is already backing out of his committment, and they most likely won't be seeing their dad over the holiday. I specifically asked if he had bought plane tickets yet. Whether he got the hint that I wasn't going to or not isn't my problem. I didn't volunteer to help financially when he said he was in a burden or broke. screw that. He and his woman can suck it up.

Talked to my best friend and I will be getting to see her at some point during my vacation. I am excited about that. We don't talk nearly enough, but its one of those friendships where you just pick up where you left off, no matter how long its been since you last talked or saw each other. I love her to death and miss her a ton.

I'm not really as bitter as it may appear, really. Life is quite good, overall. Things have been stressful with the accident and I am saddened about having gained weight and my current fat status. But i'm workin on it and thats about all I can do. I don't have the metabolism I had in my 20's, and know that i gotta work my ass off for the svelte figure I am used to. This weekend I am getting my hair cut and colored to cover the gray. I am excited about that. I also need to go shopping and find some black shirts for me and the kids for the family portrait. I am not so excited about that. The portrait that is. Shopping, yeah, I can do that.

I am nervous about the Honey going on his business trip this week. not because i'm a freak about travel and all that. But we have ahistory that includes where he is going and a person there. Trust me, its not a good history. While I won't go into detail, it makes me nervous. We'll compound that onto my already knotted stomach.

{listening to Better Version of Me by Fiona Apple}

even bee's get to rest

Ho-ly crap has work been busy. Not just a little bit. Run ragged busy. Everything has been an emergency right now, people's computers breaking (don't get me started on my calls to HP support in the last 3 weeks), things not working quite right, bandwidth hogs making internet surfing at work near impossible, along with necessary things like actually working near impossible. I HATE WEATHERBUG! We allow people to have iTunes, yet they still stream music over AIM. People need to make themselves technologically aware of what they do, but they don't or won't, or whatever, and they will bog down those of us who actually NEED the internet bandwidth for job functions.

The dr. was fine. he checked me out, said wait for a call to schedule and MRI. said that it will rule out disk issues and down to muscle issues but that we would have to find some sort of therapy that works because 4 months later i have exhausted the standard techniques and its still not working. Its not like I make this shit up, it is visible in my lack of head mobility that things are wrong. The PTs can feel it, the dr. can feel it. We'll see. He was nice and personable, etc. Will have to have the PT send a report to him though, so he can see that history of treatment. Still, I get to wait for an MRI of my head and neck.. WOOHOO!!. there's some enthusiasm, even if feigned. I don't *think* I am claustrophobic, but I do believe I will be put to the test with 30 mins with my head in an MRI machine.

Vacation coming up, new guy starts next week, getting a hair cut and color to cover the gray. Its tough being a redhead when you have gray seeping in, its not like gray blends in with the red hair. Oh well, keep covering it up is what I will have to do. Have to at some point find black shirts for me and kids to wear during the family portrait taken over the holiday. I am more than thrilled

Ex called last night to rub in Princesses face that he bought girlfriend the pair of True Religion jeans that she wanted. Unfortunately, I was out before they finished the conversation so I didn't get to ask her about it. I also voted last night. Pleased with the over all result as I am what most would consider a liberal, however my state has me disappointed, but not surprised. Focus on the Family and New Life are extreme cult presences in this state and their followers are devout, if not crazy. You can also apparently hire male prostitutes and buy illegal drugs and live in one of these evangelical fantasy lands where all is happy and god loves you if you aren't homosexual. I despise hypocrites. These organizations have gone to far in their fantaticism to even recognize the beliefs behind the religion. The religion is its own monster.

poking and prodding

Today is the 1st appointment with the new pain doctor. I am more than a little hesitant and can't quite put my finger on why. Other than, of course, my neck is screwed up.

PT yesterday was good. Not as good as last thursday, but good nonetheless. The regular PT is back for tomorrow's session so i'm not looking forward to feeling as good, but I do love the one that I get when mine is gone. Oh well. I could change, I just would feel bad, wouldn't want to hurt feelings or anything. I feel like i get more from the sub than the regular one. Its rude, but thats why I will stay with the one I was assigned.

Neck is catching today. I am getting more sore as the day wears on. I guess its good that I will be seeing the doctor in not the best of conditions, but not the worst either. Hopefully it won't be anything too major. Dr's don't usually worry me, but this one is. *sigh* oh well. 4pm will come soon enough.

Busy at work, but not busy enough to have the day flying past. Not quite sure how the Princess is getting home from school yet, but I'm sure she will figure it out or wait until I get done with the dr. She can walk the 1/2 mile if she wanted, but she doesn't want. heh.. lazy bum for a girl who can run a 5 minute mile.

starting over

Its monday. Weekends never seem quite long enough. This weekend was spend, as most of the past have been spent: in pain. I didn't play my game, I shuffled the kids to and fro, cleaned a little bit around the house, slept alot and mostly hung out and watched movies and caught up on Tivo shows.

On saturday, the honey and I had an errand to run, so we did, grabbed a starbucks and went to barnes and noble. A few moments of quiet time just the two of us was wonderful. We chatted, looked at books, grabbed a nifty gift for a friend of ours whose birthday it was. Most excellent morning. I felt alright in the morning. Not great, but good enough to get out of the house. We took the gift over to our friends house, visited for a while. They have the cutest little baby, even though he was a grumpy pants and didn't wanna let me hold him. We had about an hour to kill before picking up the princess so we went and ate sushi. Delish!!. superb new little sushi place. The service was SLLOOOOOWW.. man, took an hour and a half for our sushi lunch, but it was fantastic and tasty. Kinda set the pace since we weren't in a hurry for anything. Picked up the princess from her friends house, stopped at Jamba Juice and got her fix, looked at lab puppies they were selling in the parking lot. The honey wouldn't get out of the car. He said if he let one of them crawl on him then he would have to buy one and we soo don't need another puppy. Man they were certainly cute, and the princess all but cried for it. But we held strong. Man, the honey and I are both suckers for animals. I would have a house full (not that I don't already).

I digress, once we left the cute little black lab puppies, we picked up the boy from his school where he had been flirting with his latest little girl friend. Its about to the point of annoying, but I suppose boys will be boys. Got home, and just felt wiped, started making dinner, was an evening warm enough for a cookout, so we had some garlic guiness steaks, with some grilled potatoes with veggies. Tasty goodness. Then it was movie watchin and sleepy time. I probably went to bed around 7 because i just couldn't stand it anymore. My neck ached and hurt, my head was starting to hurt. Just needed to lie down.

Sunday was mostly just lounging. Picked up the princess from her friends house, made a run to wally world only because the honey can't cope by himself with that many people. And man was it crowded. Got in and out and back onto the couch for a couple movies. Dinner was chicken and steak fajitas with refried beans & cheese. Damn tasty, though under appreciated in my house I think. Spent like an hour doing dishes, which just kills my neck. It is absolutely not good posture to scrub dishes.

Today is PT, with the sub PT, so I think I will feel better. Tomorrow is appointment with new doctors. Friday I got all my receipts and forms and such mailed back to the attorney. Hopefully they will get them. Thank goodness for copies. I keep a copy of damn everything for this stupid accident.

no rest for the weary

So yesterday I was totally busy at work interviewing people and trying to keep up with work, that I didn't even get a chance to jot something down in here.

I stayed up way too late on tuesday night, didn't sleep well because of my neck, and yesterday morning, stiff, sore and generally icky and tired, I snapped at the Honey for stupid stuff. I apologized later, but you know its gonna be a rough day when that happens before 8am. I have a giant knot on my arm from the flu shot. The Boy is home from school sick today. Honey hasnt been feeling well since he got his flu shot.

My neck has been nothing less than painful every day, but I know that I have to keep plugging along. I just can't seem to get any relief from it and it causing my head to pound. I seriously dislike being reliant on pain meds, yet because of how this is all being handled, I don't get to choose my treatment options, so, unfortunately, I don't have the ability for homeopathic treatments, or even acupuncture.

The interviews went well, and I think the guy they chose is an excellent choice. I wish they would have picked my friend, but unfortunately she didn't interview as well as the other guy. Such is life. Its too bad, I would have liked working with her again, but I also think that the guy they did pick will be pretty good and hopefully hit the ground running once he starts. It's going to be busy, but it will also allow the Honey and I to take vacation at the same time. WOOT for that.

Still haven't heard from the Ex about what his plans are for the kids for Xmas, but he'll figure it out and i'm not paying for it. He won't be happy with me, but oh well. He needs to figure it out. A couple weeks ago, he called to say he got to san diego, and there was a package in the mail for the Boys birthday and an envelope with money in it for me. Then last week he called and asked for the address, then this week, the kids got postcards. So much for that package, huh? He must really believe i am stupid, but really I just don't care enough about it to get into an argument. I am fine, the kids are doing fabulous, he can either give a shit or not, its not impacting mine or their daily life.

Beyond that..life is still just chugging along.. Pain every day, looking forward to seeing my family at Thanksgiving, but dreading it at the same time. I love my sisters and brother, I am not fond or especially happy about their relationship with my ex-boyfriend and feel like that is just straining everything. More with me than with them, because they don't give a second thought to my feelings. Plus, at this point, they are far more embedded in his life than in mine and its probably entirely pointless to ask for any kind of consideration to my feelings about the situation. However, if they want him at thanksgiving, I will make other plans. I have already been invited over to my friends house while i am in town and what not. I could probably stay with them if I wanted, and that would be alright too.

*sigh* stressing about upcoming events. terrible. not what i need. meditation after therapy tonight definately will be where i'm headed. I am tired and hurty too. maybe it will relax my mind enough to get some sleep tonight, though I am scheduled for some in game activity. Hrm.

{listening to Stupid Girl by Garbage} More apropros ITunes Shuffle

Happy Halloween!

Ok, so today, I got a flu shot. Thats perfect for the day, I think.

Work is busy, but that's alright. makes the day go by faster. I have stuff to do. Interviews for help tomorrow, pay day today, physical therapy today, kids have some sort of halloween bullshit going on tonight, I would like to do some in game stuff tonight, but will probably get stuck handing out candy, controlling the barking dogs, keeping the black cat inside. All things halloween. It is also 23 degrees out today. Man is it cold. Can't imagine that its going to get warmer as night falls.

I am however, ready to do stuff in game tonight. I am also ready for PT today. I am looking forward to it. Maybe not having the shots in my neck has helped me feel a bit better today.

Carly Simon said it best...

This morning, I shuffle up some Itunes and the first song that starts playing is "I haven't got time for the pain" This has been my life's theme song lately. Unfortunately, the pain isn't so much listening. The weekend, I was pissy and grouchy. I actually yelled at the kids this weekend, twice. I think it scared the honey and the kids. Mostly they scattered like ants, then came back in a while to crawl over my legs and bite me when i wasn't looking. The pain gets to me, alot. I find myself being more and more short-fused and less patient the longer the pain stays with me. We are on month 3. Full 3 months of nothing but everyday pain. I never thought that I would wish for my once a week migraines, but they would be a relief from what I experience every day since the accident.

I am not a holiday person. I don't care for them, I am not a party planner, I have no holiday decorations of any sort. I don't' dislike them, holidays that is, I just don't get all giggly, crafty and excited about them. It is a chore to buy the shit, set up the shit, find a place to store said shit for 11.5 months out of every year. I have enough clutter and crap around my house that I can't seem to get contained that I have absolutely zero use for pumpkins, Easter bunnies, stars and stripes, etc.

Now you may be wondering if I do the winter holidays. Well, simply put, no, I do not. I am agnostic, but my kids celebrate Christmas. I do not own a Christmas tree or stockings or tree decorations or house lights or anything of this nature. Under normal circumstances, I would give into a Christmas tree, if my kids so desired, however, I do not live under normal circumstances. The first of special circumstances is that in the 12 years I have been divorced, I have had my kids for 3 Christmases. The second of special circumstances is that on those 3 occasions, we have been at Grandmas' houses. Every other year, that's 9 of 'em for those counting, I have been on my own. My family doesn't do holidays since my brother died, so I usually am with friends or alone. How fun do you think it is to sit home by yourself on Christmas, missing your kids staring at a blinking Christmas tree? I did this the first year I was divorced and it ranks up there, I'm pretty sure, with sticks in your eyes. The kids don't miss out, we (me and kids) do gifts and fun when they return from vacation, we have a special day where we eat a holiday meal, open gifts, lounge around playing with all our new stuff, and even since moving to Colorado, we've got to enjoy skiing and playing in the snow. It just isn't on the actual Christmas day. And generally, on Christmas day, they are with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. Oh yeah, another added benefit for me, I get to generally shop the after Xmas sales for the kids stuff. If I find it before, awesome, but I generally wait. I miss a ton of crowds actually buying stuff, and don't have to return anything until the lines die down a week or so later. That is truly a beautiful thing about my holiday schedule.

Now, I digress to the purpose of that little rant. I found myself in a rush to locate a Halloween costume for the Boy. And then Halloween candy and decorations for some party he is attending, planning or something. Generally aggravating being beaten about the head and shoulders with the super-excited moms, pushing and shoving to get little johnny or janie the costume of this years dreams. Its just rude. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes I envy you moms who have the heart and soul and energy to put into every tiniest detail for your little ones. And I did for costumes and whatnot when my kids were little ones and they trick or treated. But they are teenagers now. The "bunny" costume doesn't cut it. They generally want (need?) it to be the quality of a Hollywood horror film special effects costume. And I just don't have the energy for this. I also don't have the energy for this 3 days before the actual occasion. My kids are notorious (around my world anyway) for having an emergency need RFN. You can reference a few weeks ago when the Princess needed thermal pants the night before her cross country regionals, 15 mins before store closings. (If I knew how to link posts, I would)

In addition to the mad dash for costumes and candy and all calamity that came with that. I still cannot hardly move my neck, and constantly on some sort of muscle relaxer or pain med, tired from not sleeping well, and want to chop off my head to make it all stop. The boy also has some sort of rash on his stomach. The last time we took him in for a rash, they said it was some kind of allergy, and sent him home. Ugh.. but, you know how insurance works, you have to go to your primary care doctor, and force them to refer you to a dermatologist before you can actually do anything otherwise its not covered. Blah blah blah. I absolutely despise the bureaucracy of the US medical system. It's a crock. Nonetheless, must be done. I think the princess needs to have a new physical too. Hrm, must look into this.

Work is busy this week, hopefully some interviews for some help. I am busy building desktops and workin the phones, trying to stay on top of things. Coping with pain does not make doing one's job easier. The distraction is constant. I don't do a very good needy one.

Had a bit of fun in game this weekend. Still don't get to play much due to the inability to sit at my computer for long periods of time. Oh well, was fun while it lasted. Watched a couple movies with the Boy. The girl had plans and had to shuffle her around town for social life. She was not happy about me requiring her to clean and help around the house. She says she is working on her grades. Had lunch on Saturday with some friends. The honey actually helped them move some furniture, I didn't do anything but socialize and play with their baby. He's such a cutie pie.

winter is here...

{listening to A Night Like This by The Cure}

Yesterday, was a snow day. Not just any kind of snow day: a blizzard. The kids had off school, the honey and I both had off work. The snow and the wind blew from about 4am until about 7pm. We have more than a foot of snow on the back porch, with 3-5 foot drifts in the back yard. The kids played with the dogs in the snow. I really wanted to get out there and have a snowball fight or build a snowman, but my neck just didn't want that to happen. The kids dug out the snowboards and the sleds and played in the street. It was cold and wet and windy and most of all snowy. I worked from home most of the day doing email and what not, but it was a grand day. It was the Princess's first snow day ever so she was absolutely stoked. We cooked a warm breakfast, made some bread, made some hot cocoa from scratch, watched some movies, played some games. It was really a great family day.

I cancelled my PT appointment because they were recommending people stay off the roads during the blizzard. When I called around noon, no one answered the PT office phone, so I presume, like many other places, they were closed. I will call today to reschedule or at very least, set up my appointments for next week. I also need to call the pain specialist and get an appointment for there.

The honey drove me to work today, expecting the roads to be super icy. They weren't. They were pretty tame compared to what was on the news last night. I totally could have driven by myself. It truly was a good day yesterday, with the exception of my neck being stiff and on drugs and not being able to go out and romp in the snow with the kiddos. But alas, it was fun to watch, get a few pictures, laugh with the kids.

It was a good day. By Monday, the snow will be all gone. It will come again, but dang, was yesterday a beautiful, cold, snowy, winter day.

{listening to Nugget by Cake}