i forgot about bitches

you know, i try to retain a perspective of what my needs and wants were in high school so that I can be more understanding now that my kids are teenagers. But let me tell you. I forgot about how bitchy and petty girls are.. so we got the one site removed. then Princess gets an im from the girl sayin i put more pictures up i have a bunch of sites that you dont' know about. So i found a couple, only one has a picture of Princess with the saying "Princess is a bitch" over and over to take up a whole page. I think its funny. but sad at the same time. i am on a mission with this girl now.

Physical therapy today. i am still sore from tuesday and today my neck and back and knee are really killing me. its kinda crazy, i hoped doing the exercises would start helping me, but i guess what can i expect after just 2 appointments?

work is psychotic today. they released a new program but several hundred user accounts have to be recreated and so people are calling like crazy. HD Dude gave a 1 week notice. can't say i'm sad. maybe he'll do better at his new job. I just find it amazing that he found another job doing tech support when he couldn't tech support his way out of a box. Being by myself will probably be less stress than with him here and having mild expectations from him. No one else means no other expectations.

amazing....

sometimes, you can actually accomplish things. in yesterday's post, i bitched about xanga.com. I still hate them for their attitude and sadly believe that if your child is going to have a page on the internet, myspace.com is the way to go. Not that I think anything is truly safe for kids on the internet, but through education and monitoring, as parents its what we can do. Nonetheless. The girl who refused to take Princess's photo off her site had her site shut down with a few carefully worded emails to xanga.com. Unfortunately, it wasn't until I copied the attorney general's office, that any action was taken. Very sad that they work that way.

Scrambling to find headrests for the pathfinder. Guess we will have to buy them. sucks that.

Hurting today after PT. really hurting. The Boy's first football game is today. I will have to drive about 40 min to get there. Lets hope i can do it without too much pain. Roommate may be going with me, and I will probably have him drive.

Hopefully a slower day at work than it has been.

{listening to Automatic Stop by The Strokes}

xanga.com REFUSES to protect children.

well i have issue with xanga.com
a user has stolen information from Princess's myspace and put it on an unprotected xanga site and the girl, her parents and xanga all refuse to take the information down.
I have taken to emailing, protesting and spreading the word about xanga's complete inability and unwillingness to help a parent protect a minor child's privacy. The girl on xanga is 12 yrs old, not old enough to hold a xanga account. fucking people are just ridiculous. I have tried to talk to the girl. She refuses to give her phone number so i can call her parent. She claims to not know anything about her xanga account to take it down. Xanga refuses to do anything about it. What a crock of shit. I offered to give them the exact code which needs to be edited off the site. I have given them the site name. Yet, they can't do anything. MY ASS.. ITS PUBLIC INFORMATION. take the shit fucking down. I have emailed 3 different attorney general's offices with my emails to Xanga to remove the information. I will see what they will do after the last email that was sent. I am now promoting the BOYCOTT of Xanga.com and ANY ADVERTISERS that condone and support a site that refuses a simple request of a concerned parent.

i drove today. the new car. i know i haven't posted in a few days. but they have been busy. we got 2 new cars, got out from under the pathfinder and still end up saving like 200/mo on car payments. From 1 car payment to 2, we save 200/mo.. holy crap am i glad to be done with the pathfinder. I drove slow, not sure that i actually hit the speed limit on any road. I was quite scared. I imagine today on the way to PT is going to be even more frightening. Much more traffic than at 5:30am. Then i have to get home from PT. that will be during rush hour. I am already not looking forward to that and catch my breath every time i think about it. this accident has really scared the shit out of me.

i got an 01 mazada millenia. sweet, plush, luxury. Honey, he got a 98 expedition. I don't think he stopped smiling. i think he wanted to sleep in it. i think i haven't seen him that happy since he first picked up sasha (puppy) and she loved on him and wouldn't let him put her down. We put less money down than we anticipated, insurance is going to be reasonable and did i mention we are out from under the pathfinder? I hate that the expedition is a total gas hog, but fortunately, except for taking the kids to school, with 2 cars, we can hopefully save gas on the beast. I will admit to it being a big, huge, comfortable ride. I understand the appeal of those gigantic vehicles now. they are roomy, and that alone makes a gigantic difference. the millenia on the other hand is economical, or about as economical you can get with a mid-sized sedan. I probably could have got some compact car, and boy did it cross my mind, but I absolutely cannot see trying to cram 2 teenagers into a compact car. gas mileage or no, the first fight and someone would get hurt. badly. It is cushy though, cushy cushy cushy.

in addition to new cars, middle sister had her baby. I am extremely sad that i missed it, but happy to have a new little princess with us now. Also, last week, middle sister had to put her dog down due to a stroke. He was old. 14 yrs old. He was the best dog I have ever known. My sister's constant companion since she was 18. She lost and gained a precious soul in the course of a week. We are all very heartbroken about Maxxers. Max gone, Little Princess here. crazy little circle of life week.

Work has been crazy.

Day 2 of PT today. knee, neck and back see temporary relieve from the exercises, but the pain is still pretty much constant. i still can't hardly walk without the brace and my lower back has sharp pain most of the time. My neck is just like a stiff neck all the damn time. worse some days than others, but always a little "catch" on the left side. I stretch or straighten my neck/back and it sounds just like crackling. We'll see what she has for me. I kinda hope not the electrical things again, boy those made me sore.

exhaust

{listening to: Dreams of Our Fathers by Dave Matthews Band}

lawyer yesterday. that went ok. things to do, but i feel better about it. worse at the same time. i'm sorry my insurance company is so horrible that i was put in the position to have to.

physical therapy today. i'm looking forward to it, kinda. my knee hurts, my neck and back hurt. much needed.

replacing parts for CEO's laptop. finally got the thing to boot so i can get all his info off it. damn. what a challenge. its not a hard drive problem, but not like you can tell HP anything. when you are a girl calling tech support you are automatically a retard who knows nothing about computers. yet they are sending 3 parts to "resolve the issue". what dumbasses. glad its warranty.

kids are kids.. fighting. Princess believes that Boy deserves/needs and should not want anything. Such as, orange juice, for his cold. he doesn't need that, i need to not go to the store to get him stupid stuff like that. on the other hand. she NEEDS money to Chipotle with her friends after cross-country today. huh.. interesting viewpoint, princess, very interesting. that was yesterday. every day its something new. always a challenge those 2.

Boy is still sick. Honey is getting it again. i dont' want it. Roommate doesn't want it. i too am drinking orange juice.

{listening to This Charming Man by The Smiths}

totally tuesday

the good news is: no knee surgery. the bad news is 6-8 months of physical therapy. my knee is nonetheless jacked, just not broken. I hyper-extended the ligament and while its not torn, its not normal. I still get to wear my brace every day, but i can do more as long as i manage the pain. if it hurts, don't do that. the physical therapy is also for my neck and back, which is good too. i need to figure out what the hell is up with my back.

the Boy is home sick. damn cold from school.

i see attorney today. that should be interesting. i am a bit nervous but, sadly, i am going to need some medical reimbursement that i just cannot afford without intervention.

HD Dude is out today. this actually has no impact on my job, except i don't have to listen to him be irritating.

{listening to Rip This Joint by Rolling Stones}

sleepytime

man, do i just want to sleep in today. rollin outta bed at 4:30 just wasn't happening. i wanted to call into work today. i am just plain ole tired today.

knee and back are doing alright this morning. hopefully the mri result appointment will turn out pretty good too.

i have to call a lawyer. i have been so slack in that, but just got the medical bills where my insurance company is trying to fuck me. figures.. just fucking figures.

i get tired of men who think women should be silent. strong women with brains and opinions are met with defense and arrogance. if i didn't have a busted knee, i know a couple i'd put my foot up their ass.

Honey starts back to school tomorrow. gonna be a weird schedule but he's almost done. 2 semesters and he has his degree. not quite sure how we are gonna work a single car just yet, but we will, somehow.

{listening to Red Hill Mining Town by U2}

trash talkin'

{listening to Vibrate by Andre 3000}

I need more music at work.
I am tired this morning.
looked at new couches yesterday. nothing that i loved. couple things that i liked. we didnt buy anything.
i need to research the video game i play. yes. research a game.
i still haven't found an acceptable car. though, i have only been to one dealer and the rest has been lookin online. nonetheless discouraging.
i feel that more and more i am in a funk, but recognize that just hurting all the time is probably contributing to that. I am in a good mood, but just not my normal nothing gets to me self.
i haven't even felt like cooking. when i get home, physically, i am wiped. that is just shocking.
cleaning.. nope not that either. *sigh*.. i hope i feel better after monday's dr. appt and knowing more about where i stand. i think the not knowing anything is kinda bringing me down.
work is calm this morning. hooray.. now i can play catch up.

{listening to My Skin by Natalie Merchant}

humpity hump day

{listening to Satellite by Dave Matthews Band}

Ahh.. today should be much better.
kids are in school, work should be calmed down. now that the kids are both playing sports, the main argument is whether or not cross-country is more of a sport than football, or vice versa. "you don't have to do push-ups in pads!" "oh yeah? well you didn't have to run over 5 miles today" its nerve-wracking, but funny too.

looked at cars for a small bit yesterday afternoon. Honey is really fond of the maxima's and altima's. not quite sure how that will play out. i am partial to the altima for getting lower mileage on a used and the lower gas mileage in general. i like the maxima because of the roominess. Honey on the other hand loves the roominess and the V6. the gas mileage is "negligible". When we started the contemplation of a car, gas mileage and something comprable in size to the stratus was what we were going for. Now that he test drove the maxima, we need bigger and more power, gas mileage isn't so much.. ha!... we'll see. its his money, its his car, Though i must say, he stat in the 40K brand new maxima. I think they need to clean the seats in that now, possible consider it used. it had the navigation system, satellite radio ready, bluetooth cell enabled, cd, cd changer, dvd player.. about the only damn thing it didn't have was a laptop top installed for the drivers use. i'm convinced he would have sold one of the kids to pay for it if I would have agreed. I think he sat in the damn thing for 30 mins. just ogling, caressing, enjoying the seduction of the sweet smell of luxury car. meanwhile, i went to the altima's to satisfy my curiosity about a compartment that i had seen in pictures but couldn't quite figure out wtf it was. i thought maybe navigation system, dvd screen, something. nope, turns out it was just a damn compartment. oh well.. even nissan has some stupid ideas now and again.

Alas, we did not buy the first car we saw that we liked. Honey drove 3 of them yesterday and we walked out with an idea of what we want. Because i still can't drive (damn dr.'s and their orders) i missed out on the test driving a car experience. *sigh*. however, the sales guy got a real kick out of me telling Honey to get in and figure out if his feet fit comfortably. "no baby, how do your feet fit? and what about in the back?" .. until Honey got out of the car and the sales guy finally checked out the size 14's, he didn't quite get what the hell i was talking about. The sales guy, who happened to be black, says "among the brothers, you would not be found wanting".. my response was "there's a reason i keep him".. ahh.. comraderie among a sales guy and his customers. I did like the sales guy though, until he had to turn us over to a much less personable lackey. that guy had the personality of wet sand. nice enough, just pushy on the numbers and shit. ugh. i hate buying cars.

oh well, it must be done. more looking.... hooray...please note the enthusiasm
{listening to Planned Obselescence by 10,000 Maniacs}

ooohhhmmmm..

{listening to Not Sorry by The Cranberries}

whew.. monday is over. the problems at work have been fixed. today will hopefully be a slow day. plus i leave early for the kids physicals.

The Boy started football. first real day of running and pushups and exercise that boy has had in a long time. he was soooorree.. i didn't laugh either..i was proud of myself. So far he likes it. I think it will be good for him. This morning, Princess is trying to get into cross-country. If she wants to run in a marathon with Middle Sister in December, then it definately will be good for her. She had to go to school at 7am, though, which is early for her, and Honey, who has to take her.

so far, so quiet today. I am starting to seriously contemplate a new car. but i still can't drive. we'll see.
{listening to Being Boring by The Pet Shop Boys}

monday+fan

man, what a monday. please note, no listening to. its because this is the first time since 6am that i have had a minute to breathe. things broken, people calling, emailing reports, addressing issues, class registrations, wireless, email, holy mother of all shit monday's, if it could go wrong, it has gone wrong. except of course, them calling off work. CALGON! TAKE ME AWAY. I was done with this day right around 6:30 am.

Physically feeling better, all in all in a good mood today. just tons of things on the work plate. its a nice, cool, overcast day. supposed to rain. i love the rain.

get your bitch on

{listening to Misdirected Hostility by 311}
I always just put my itunes on random shuffle. some days, it fits perfectly.

its friday.. the mri results aren't in. (duh). still workin pain issues but hesititant to just be on vidodin and valium 24/7. I don't need a habit that requires me to go to the dr.

i am in a pissy mood today. spent the drive to work ranting at Honey about cleaning the house. apparently it wasn't totally unexpected on his part because i yelled at him in my sleep about nonsensical shit, so he says.

can't wait for the pain to really kick in to see what kind of mood i will be in later. gonna be a fabulous friday.

In the meantime, i can be pissed off that Princess still doesn't have her books. Honey is going down to the school today at 2:00 to get all up on's with the stupid people. What an completely fucked up system. they only open the bookstore at 2, and its up to the teachers to let the students go get books. and when the teachers say no, she has no options. WTF.

{listening to Crumblin' Down by John Mellencamp}

MRI day

{listening to Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow}

Today is the MRI on my knee. I am anxious but not scared or anything. I wish more than anything my back would stop with the pain. The bruising is almost all gone on my leg, though my ankle is still swollen and bruised and extremely painful to the touch. The knee is still swollen and doesn't look right.

Work is still busy for the next week or so, at least that is keeping me occupied. Its hard not to be busy when i have to do the job of 2 people. HD Dude (the guy that is supposed to help me) is about worthless. I need help, not a receptionist. It gets frustrating because if I am not doing work that he is supposed to be doing, then i'm cleaning up his fuckups. Yes, the boss is aware of the situation. anyone that knows me, knows i don't really keep my mouth shut.

I still need to get the bathroom and the front yard finished and am concerned about them both. But i'm not in a position to do either one of them with a jacked up knee and back. Sometime, a bone has to be thrown to me. give me a break. In a previous life, i must have been eeevvvilll.. i just can't seem to catch moment to breathe without something else fucked up happening. I am not complaining really, but i would just like to coast for a year or 2 through life instead of everyday having to be a conscious move toward not getting fucked. Life being fucked up doesn't stop it from being a good one, so don't get me wrong there. I got it pretty sweet with my Honey, my kids, my family, my job. Though it could always pay more, but what job could you really do that you would like to be paid less for doing? Yah.. thought so.
{listening to The Kingdom by Echo & The Bunnymen}

morning

{listening to Trouble by Dave Matthews Band}

I just love mornings. They are so peaceful and quiet. I like the time to myself to sit and think about what the day has for me. Its when i get my thoughts together, plan my day. Lately, it is also when I feel the best physically. Some mornings i can even move. I love driving to work, with the sun just beginning to crack a smile. It illuminates the mountains and is nice and cool. Morning views from work really make me understand why I love colorado, despite being so far from my family.

I finally got my MRI scheduled. I'm a bit nervous but hope that it turns out well. The kids are off to a running start in school and both are liking their classes and their teachers so far (day 3, of course they like it).

This morning is a low pain morning. I slept well and am doing alright. Already as I have started sitting at my desk, the aches and pains have started getting worse, so I don't have high hopes for the day, but at least I got 30 mins or so of mobility today. The knee is doing better, the ankle and the back are doing worse.

I just finished reading "The Long Dark Tea Time of The Soul" by Douglas Adams. Great book. i really like all his books, they give you the opportunity to speculate and write portions for yourself. Sometimes that makes for a rough read, but they are always chock full of fantastic descriptions and situations and characters.

Today will be a good day...i will it so..

{listening to Kalimba Story by Earth Wind & Fire}

accident leftovers

{listening to: Silver Lining by David Gray}

I'm about done with this whole accident injury bullshit. I am tired of not being able to walk or work out. My fears are of gaining weight. How shallow. Not that I am skinny or anything, I just really was making the effort to lose weight, going to the gym every day, and now i'm on complete ass rest. I am supposed to be sitting/lying down all the time, walking as little as possible. I can't even work my upper body at the moment because of the neck and back injuries.

Not that physically I am ready to work out. I just want to do something. My body is in constant, chronic pain. I can totally understand how people become addicted to pain meds after severe injuries. You really just want to pop them until the pain goes away. Regular doses don't cut it. I keep it in my mind that, despite physical pain, working out would help some of the mental and emotion stress of this whole thing subside.

i'm glad that i have Honey and the kids to help me right now. I don't know what i would do without them. i love them and they have been so supportive and helpful. somedays, i just feel overwhelmed with love for them. they really are the greatest.

{listening to Dreaming my Dreams of You by Cowboy Junkies}

Gimped

{listening to: Butterfly by Screaming Trees}
uneventful weekend...i hate the way that physical pain brings out emotional pain that you tried to ignore for a while.

i wonder sometimes if i need to get out more.. in the general scheme of things, the fact that i stay home and hang out with Honey & the kids is what i like doing. in the big picture, it makes me realize how isolated i am from my family and that i really only have a handful of people who are true friends. this doesn't bother me, but sometimes, i feel lonely. maybe its a self-defense mechanism. i have been burned more times than i care to count by those that I have let get close to me and i don't care to do it anymore. I am just speculating because i haven't put a whole lot of thought into it. Even my little brother and middle sister I feel betrayed by. How sad is that? Maybe its the distance from AZ to CO. Maybe.

I recognize that I have always been the black sheep of my family. More fiercly independent. but i always thought i was pretty close to my siblings. Now, since I broke up with my last boyfriend 5 yrs ago, i am alone. Middle sister and her husband lived across the street from him and have maintained their friendship with him. They have also brought little brother and his girlfriend into this friendship. Now, in a general sense, i have no problem with their friendship. My problem lies in that they all condone and approve of the hateful and hurtful things he said to me, about me and about my kids. I recognize that it is outside of them and it was between him and I. But, apparently, in my family, blood is not thicker than water.

Now, this is not a casual friendship they enjoy. They no longer live across the street from each other and coordinate get togethers on a weekly basis. Plan outings together. When my kids are in town, they take them to his house. He's generally nice to them and they enjoy going over there, but I just can't forgive the things he said. So i just don't say anything about it to the kids or to my sister/brother.

I don't hate him, i don't forgive him either. He is just a non-entity to me; no more or less than a stranger on the street emotionally. I don't wish for my kids to be around someone who has said horrible things about them, and their mom. So now, I hold this very very deep resentment toward my brother and sister. I don't know that i can get over it. It bothers me to my very core that they accept all the things that he has said to me and about me. Is this wrong? Is it jealousy? I guess to some degree the fact that they are more active in his life than in mine there is a bit of jealousy hanging on there. Whatever it is, I am at this point, inclined to pull further away from my family. In my current mindset, I really don't see it mattering all that much to them. It makes me sad that if the situation was reversed they wouldn't be expeced to be so understanding. I am pretty sure that if I befriended my sister's husband's ex-girlfriend, she would just be accepting of that. yeah, right...not so much. but god forbid i express any displeasure at their relationship with him, i just need to suck it the fuck up. Thats why i don't bother saying anything to them about it anymore. Its pointless. I'll keep my hurt to myself, its how its supposed to be.

Sometimes there is too much scorpio in me. I will give you all the trust and faith in the world. Betray that and i can write you off faster than you can blink. All in all, its sad really. I just feel myself more and more removed from my family. We'll see how it all plays out. I love them to death, i just hate the feeling that they have chosen to be his friend over being mine. Life moves forward. I really am too old to succumb to this type of bullshit. I think i am just supposed to be the strong one in my family. I'm sure its my own fault. I don't tell them that they have hurt my feelings, well not anymore. I love them more than they will ever know and I think that it doesn't even occur to them how deeply their actions hurt me. I suppose if they read this, they wouldn't understand. they wouldnt' get the tears streaming down my face at 7 in the morning. they would probably say something shitty about how stupid i am. to which i can only shrug and go back to my original point that they just don't get it. they don't get me. they don't care to get me. I have always loved them unconditionally, no questions asked, given all i have had to give when they needed it. when i need something emotionally from them. one thing, one smidgen of understanding of how i feel about something, i just can't get it. I will never tell them no to anything that I have to offer, whether they hurt me or not. I love them forever, they mean more to me than they will ever ever comprehend. And if it means that I keep my sanity by removing myself from them, so be it. i will still be there for them, always, forever, until i die.

Ex is moving to San Diego. Probably to be closer to his parents, probably to be closer to the water. I wish sometimes I didn't have the fear and could just do what i feel like doing when i feel like doing it. Someone has to be stable for the kids, guess thats me. Maybe someday.. someday i'll do what I want instead of what the kids want, or what is expected for me to be doing as a mom...someday i'll get my shit together enough to throw it all to the wind.

This is the kids first full week of school. anxious to see how they do. Princess made a friend on friday. I am so excited. I didn't have doubts that she would, she is outgoing and beautiful. The Boy is in advanced math and wants to be a student aide. I wish i knew what was in that boys mind. He was a total dick to everyone on sunday. Princess just was a bitch to her brother. they speak maybe like 5 words to each other, yet its got to be yelling.

for shit's sake kids.. be kind, rewind.

{listening to: I Try by Macy Gray}

well...

{listening to Lenny Kravitz - Can We Find A Reason}
day 2, and i haven't given up on this yet. not sure that is a record or anything, but i'm glad i remembered.

The Boy starts school today. 7th grade. he believes he's all grown up and is going by himself. thinks he can handle it. supposedly they are just getting their schedules and having a "fun activity" day. wtf is that. I remember when school started and, i don't know, we went to class, got told sit down and shut up. had to write the obligatory essay of "what i did with my summer" i always loved those, cause mostly, i spent my time at the beach, getting sunburned and sand blasted. short and sweet. though i'm sure there was some embellishment on the actual activities, teachers don't want to hear that you smoked and drank and flirted with boys far older than you, they don't want to know that you laid out in the sun with your Hawaiian tropic tanning oil that smelled of coconuts and burnt yourself to a crisp that only the Colonel could be proud of. Having the smell and look of a coconut pork rind was were it was at in the 80's in my lower SoCal neck of the woods.

But alas, my kids get to write about going on vacation from their parents for a month, splashing in the swimming pools with their aunts & uncles & cousins & grandparents, bbqing, staying out too late with the "summer friends", being far too cool for their own good, massaging the wallets of all the adult relatives who haven't seen them in a year. tempting the cousin who has the strict parents to break the rules, enjoying the freedoms, pushing the boundaries cause parents are 3-5 states away. phone calls home are brief and of course they are being good for everyone. gotta love the teenagers. the secret lives of being bigger than life itself. the greatest responsibility is not getting caught doing whatever it is that you aren't supposed to be doing.

back to the school thing. more gigantic turd that is Princess is starting high school. she did in fact get her schedule yesterday. frankly, i was surprised. i didn't think it would happen after all of the chaos that has gone on. today, Honey has to take her again, pay the fees, get the books, find the locker, etc. lets hope this is the end of it and the poor girl can go to school unaccompanied. too bad she'll have to ride the bus at some point. how uncool. in colorado, if you are under 18, you can't have other kids who are under 18 & not your sibling in your car. how kids are allowed to date, i'm not sure. but i find this extremely comforting that she will not be hitching a ride to school with the 16 yr old up the street that wears his pants around his ankles and belts his boxers. I'm not so old that i can't appreciate the baggy pants style, but for shit's sake kids, pull 'em up above your knees. if you can't walk, your pants don't fit. if you have to hold them up so you don't trip and fall, your pants don't fit. if you are 5'6" and 150, and you buy a XXXL.. it doesn't fit.

she did have a good day all in all, so thats a relief. met a few people. sat with the nerds at lunch, and then was ecstatic when relatively cool girls said she didn't have to sit with the nerds. i think this lone event justified the $65 ripped jeans from Hollister in her mind. someone, besides her, knows she is not a nerd. hallelujah, praise the baby jesus, light a candle, rub your beads, sacrifice a chicken. this was the "big" deal of the day. do what you gotta do, my little princess, do what you gotta do.

long post.. {now listening to Wyclef Jean - Stayin Alive}

broken and busted

so, its been almost 2 weeks since the accident. my knee is jacked, my neck and back are jacked. i am sore and tired. the car is totalled, i can hardly walk. God damn, i'm a whiner.

Princess started high school today. Honey had to take her because i can't get the time off work right now. not that they wouldn't have let me, cause they would have. they are really great like that. but more because its looking like i have to have knee surgery and will be out for a while on that. plus, i am going to have lawyer and dr. appointments that will require time off. its shitty that i have to choose between my daughter and an ambulance chaser. i feel absolutely shitty. she is going to a new school, has no friends, knows 1 chick, who is her brother's friend's sister, and is a total bitch to boot. the school registration has been nothing short of a clusterfuck and i wish i was there. probably only to make myself feel better about it, i'm sure johnica is fine. they still didn't have her schedule. guess we'll find out more later.

work has been swamped. its class registration time. its not hard, its just a lot of work. don't get me wrong. i really love my job and where i work. they are being great about the accident.

life is really pretty nifty, all in all. just a ton of stuff going on. being in pain and an invalid is just not working out for me. i'm done now, can we leave??

hey.. a girl can dream...and worry about her baby girl's first day of high school.

some days.. you just feel left out...on your own, no clue, no sign.

Karmic Vortex

So, I am not normally a blogger. I've tried it before, I failed. I've never been good at keeping a diary, but I always think its a nifty idea. In high school, my therapist said I should use one to deal with my anger toward my mom. He was wrong, and an asshole. In church, they said I should use one to express my feelings toward God. They were wrong, I'm not sure there is a god and why would (s)he read a diary? In college, they said I should use one to keep track of assignments and due dates. They were wrong, I forgot to look at the shit I wrote down. So here I sit, in middle age, 3 years after a previous attempt at blogging, trying it again.

I came to blogspot through a new, not quite yet a friend. It struck me that I might want to give it a shot once again. Maybe see if I can keep it up. Maybe keep track of whats going on right now, cause, well, its alot.