Carly Simon said it best...

This morning, I shuffle up some Itunes and the first song that starts playing is "I haven't got time for the pain" This has been my life's theme song lately. Unfortunately, the pain isn't so much listening. The weekend, I was pissy and grouchy. I actually yelled at the kids this weekend, twice. I think it scared the honey and the kids. Mostly they scattered like ants, then came back in a while to crawl over my legs and bite me when i wasn't looking. The pain gets to me, alot. I find myself being more and more short-fused and less patient the longer the pain stays with me. We are on month 3. Full 3 months of nothing but everyday pain. I never thought that I would wish for my once a week migraines, but they would be a relief from what I experience every day since the accident.

I am not a holiday person. I don't care for them, I am not a party planner, I have no holiday decorations of any sort. I don't' dislike them, holidays that is, I just don't get all giggly, crafty and excited about them. It is a chore to buy the shit, set up the shit, find a place to store said shit for 11.5 months out of every year. I have enough clutter and crap around my house that I can't seem to get contained that I have absolutely zero use for pumpkins, Easter bunnies, stars and stripes, etc.

Now you may be wondering if I do the winter holidays. Well, simply put, no, I do not. I am agnostic, but my kids celebrate Christmas. I do not own a Christmas tree or stockings or tree decorations or house lights or anything of this nature. Under normal circumstances, I would give into a Christmas tree, if my kids so desired, however, I do not live under normal circumstances. The first of special circumstances is that in the 12 years I have been divorced, I have had my kids for 3 Christmases. The second of special circumstances is that on those 3 occasions, we have been at Grandmas' houses. Every other year, that's 9 of 'em for those counting, I have been on my own. My family doesn't do holidays since my brother died, so I usually am with friends or alone. How fun do you think it is to sit home by yourself on Christmas, missing your kids staring at a blinking Christmas tree? I did this the first year I was divorced and it ranks up there, I'm pretty sure, with sticks in your eyes. The kids don't miss out, we (me and kids) do gifts and fun when they return from vacation, we have a special day where we eat a holiday meal, open gifts, lounge around playing with all our new stuff, and even since moving to Colorado, we've got to enjoy skiing and playing in the snow. It just isn't on the actual Christmas day. And generally, on Christmas day, they are with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. Oh yeah, another added benefit for me, I get to generally shop the after Xmas sales for the kids stuff. If I find it before, awesome, but I generally wait. I miss a ton of crowds actually buying stuff, and don't have to return anything until the lines die down a week or so later. That is truly a beautiful thing about my holiday schedule.

Now, I digress to the purpose of that little rant. I found myself in a rush to locate a Halloween costume for the Boy. And then Halloween candy and decorations for some party he is attending, planning or something. Generally aggravating being beaten about the head and shoulders with the super-excited moms, pushing and shoving to get little johnny or janie the costume of this years dreams. Its just rude. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes I envy you moms who have the heart and soul and energy to put into every tiniest detail for your little ones. And I did for costumes and whatnot when my kids were little ones and they trick or treated. But they are teenagers now. The "bunny" costume doesn't cut it. They generally want (need?) it to be the quality of a Hollywood horror film special effects costume. And I just don't have the energy for this. I also don't have the energy for this 3 days before the actual occasion. My kids are notorious (around my world anyway) for having an emergency need RFN. You can reference a few weeks ago when the Princess needed thermal pants the night before her cross country regionals, 15 mins before store closings. (If I knew how to link posts, I would)

In addition to the mad dash for costumes and candy and all calamity that came with that. I still cannot hardly move my neck, and constantly on some sort of muscle relaxer or pain med, tired from not sleeping well, and want to chop off my head to make it all stop. The boy also has some sort of rash on his stomach. The last time we took him in for a rash, they said it was some kind of allergy, and sent him home. Ugh.. but, you know how insurance works, you have to go to your primary care doctor, and force them to refer you to a dermatologist before you can actually do anything otherwise its not covered. Blah blah blah. I absolutely despise the bureaucracy of the US medical system. It's a crock. Nonetheless, must be done. I think the princess needs to have a new physical too. Hrm, must look into this.

Work is busy this week, hopefully some interviews for some help. I am busy building desktops and workin the phones, trying to stay on top of things. Coping with pain does not make doing one's job easier. The distraction is constant. I don't do a very good needy one.

Had a bit of fun in game this weekend. Still don't get to play much due to the inability to sit at my computer for long periods of time. Oh well, was fun while it lasted. Watched a couple movies with the Boy. The girl had plans and had to shuffle her around town for social life. She was not happy about me requiring her to clean and help around the house. She says she is working on her grades. Had lunch on Saturday with some friends. The honey actually helped them move some furniture, I didn't do anything but socialize and play with their baby. He's such a cutie pie.