OMG teehee teehee

That is the sound of girls giggling. You know, the high school cheerleader type. Yeah. I got one in my house now. The princess made the Varsity Competition Cheerleading team. Not bad for a freshman, gonna be sophmore. I am so very proud of her, now she needs to learn to shake her ass, cause the girl can't dance. I am now dreading the financial committment to this thing. This isn't like a regular cheerleader. You know the kind that cheers at football games and shit. Noooo.. thats not what this is. This is the shit that they show on ESPN. Only they don't show the high school version, they show the college version. So, its like $60/mo (not nearly as bad as we paid for gymnastics alone) and $3000 plus travel expenses. Yeah. I will be a hurting financially mutha. Still, I'm proud of her.

The boy is going to be running track once spring break is over. I hope he sticks with it. The kiddos are off to sunny San Diego for 2 weeks. They are already having fun, though the princess is missing her first meeting for cheer and I get the privledge of going for 2 hrs. HOORAY for being a mommy! *eeek*

Work has alot of things going on in the next two weeks so I am glad that they are off school and I really don't have to worry about it. I have had a stiff/sore neck and it doesn't seem to be getting much better. Though, I must say, its still better than it was and I am doing my PT exercises. Still hard to evaluate how much the rhizotomy is working/worked. I hope I don't have to do it again. I really really really hope I don't have to do it again.

So to sum up the weekend: It was quiet with the kids gone. Kept hearing noises thinking it was them. The princess got chosen for Cheer. I got the pleasure of driving in a blizzard; this was a fucking blast. NOT! Went shopping, got a new bra, after having the trauma of VS not carrying the bra I've worn for the past 10-15 yrs. The new one is awesome, but I have to take it back due to some shiteous stitching. I am sad. I also took some of the Princesses advice and got some tighter shirts. I tried on pants, but they really didn't fit. I couldn't hit the Levi's outlet for ones like I found the other day because of the snow storm. Lets just say that if you have any kind of ass, ultra low rise jeans don't cut it. Or rather, they cut it.. in half. So I passed on the jeans. I played my game and advanced my 2nd character to the maximum level. Now I need to make some money and get my main one back into the swing of things. Maybe over the next couple weeks while the kiddos are gone, if I feel like it.

So, shopping, no kids and a bit of pain. It wasn't such a bad weekend.

{listening to Peace Train by 10,000 Maniacs}

So on a daily note..

Now that my rant is over, my daily or however often I post update of whats going on is coming.

I am obviously, not emotionally well today.

I had therapy yesterday, which was good, but hurt. I am sore today, but its not hurty, its just muscle sore. Man, do I hope that the surgery worked and keeps up.

The Princess still can't dance, but practiced with the Varsity Cheerleaders last night. She has tonight and tomorrow for the remainder of auditions. If she makes it, I will be happy for her. She will have to work her ass off and grades will have to come first. I will also have to pay $3000 to do this, it will cut into her summer vacation, and $60/mo for gymnastics with her team. However, she's good at being a gymnast. She will be a good competitor if she sticks with it. She's just gotta learn how to dance.

The Boy is still a teenage boy. A kid at their Jr. High committed suicide last week so that has been weighing on him. The kid that died was a friend of the Boy, but not a close friend. They hung out at school only. Fortunately, the Boy took advantage to talk to the counsellors about what he was feeling and how it impacts him. I think that our early sessions with a counsellor for anger management and the open and frank way we deal with depression in our house helps him to be less repressive and more open in talking to people. I am grateful for this. There is a school memorial for the kid today. I am not sure how I feel about this. I am not sure as a parent how I would feel if it were my kid that died. But, the Boy got up, dressed himself respectively today to attend.

Honey comes home tonight. I am grateful. I haven't been sleeping well because of pain and him not being there. The puppies miss him too. The Roommate has been awesome in helping when the Honey has been gone, even though it inconveniences him. I sometimes think that maybe he should think about getting his own place, but I would really miss him if he did that and he helps SO much with the kids. Truly a great roommate, in the grand scheme of things. And a great friend too, which sometimes makes me happy that he's there.

Tonight I have to work until 5, go home, start making the tacquitos for the princesses Fiesta tomorrow, get the honey from the airport around 6:30, get the Princess from tryouts at 7:30, get more tacquitos made. Get lots of them made. I am already tired from not sleeping well, but damn, I got shit to do.

Work is busy, there is stuff i should be doing, but am not. There is stuff I am doing that doesn't need to be done right now. They are painting the new area today, it smells, I might be high. We should be moving in either later this week or next. It is not ideal. It is less than good. It is what we've got.

See what reading gets you?

So the Honey has been away on business this week. Thankfully, his trip is ending a day early and he gets to come home tonight. I truly miss him when he's gone. Even though sometimes, we hardly have anything to say to one another at home (its all been said at work), I still miss him not sleeping in bed with me. It also gets my mind reeling about his past indiscretion and emotional adultery. While we are not married, in the eyes of god or the state or whatever, we've been together 5 years and live together. We have have a house together, cars together, finances together. I absolutely love being with him and he is truly the absolute best partner I have ever had. He is appreciative, sincere, funny, smart, helpful. He is a totally great guy. I love him. I however, have never had a relationship where my partner hasn't cheated. I have never once cheated on a partner, but in some karmic retribution way, I must deserve this. I realize my own faults in a relationship, work hard to acknowledge them and resolve them as they come up. I also know that I have never stayed with a partner once I have found out about the cheating. I have called it quits, moved on, moved forward and left the relationship behind me. Never have I actually wanted to work things out. Seems as though the cheating was the out I needed or wanted and just took advantage of the opportunity that was knocking.

That all being said, I have some insecurity and trust issues in a relationship. I can generally keep them in check and recognize what is mine to own and what is someone elses shit that I don't really have to deal with. About a year ago, I learned that Honey had been having what I am terming an "emotional affair" with his ex-girlfriend. Background on ex-girlfriend is that he dated her for almost 12 years. In that 12 years, he was ALWAYS the other man. She had boyfriends with him on the side, she has a husband, with him on the side. Other boyfriends while with husband with him on the side. I know her, I've seen her in action with him. He and I were friends for several years before we actually got together and we were friends through his breaking it off with her. I know what she did to him emotionally during their relationship and during their breakup. She is manipulative to the point of sickness, a coke abuser, a liar, and just generally not a very nice person. Now, this is not just my opinion of her. Every single one of the Honey's friends and family had NOTHING nice to say about this woman.

Ok.. so back to the tale of my woe. About a year ago, I found out that Honey had been talking to her, at length, every single day. She had been emailing him suggestive and often sexual photos of herself. She told him she loved him and wanted him to get back together, etc., etc. I also found out that this had been going on for the duration of our relationship. Now, because I know her, and I know how incredibly manipulative she is, I had told him, in the very beginning, that I didn't like him talking to her. I am not normally a jealous or overbearing, ultimatium giving kind of partner, but with her, I felt I needed to express my inability to deal with her in our relationship. Fast forward to Xmas 2005. We are on the road, heading to his parents house for the holiday. We are talking in the car, and as the result of the conversation, I asked if he had talked to her. Honey said No, not in years. Ok.. fast forward to mid-January. Honey left his computer on, is out and about. Asks me to look at his computer for something. I do. Guess what I see? Gushy mushy all over his IM with HER. I read through it, I snooped and found more. Going back to just shortly after our relationship started. YEARS!. I was Horrified. I was absolutely incensed. I was fucking pissed. I let it sit for a bit, I called my sister, she and I talked it out. How in the fuck could he bold faced lie like that? just a month ago? What the hell? So when he finally got home, I let him have it. I was honestly ready to leave. I was ready to pack my shit, grab the kids, find a fucking hotel until we could get an apartment and just leave. But, I couldn't. I wasn't ready, I'm still not ready to give up on Honey. We talk...and talk.. and I rant and rave and he talks and rants and raves. Things calm down for the night. Rinse and repeat for the next couple weeks as I try to digest all this and figure out what the fuck I need and want to do.

We get to a place. An ok place for the time being. I absolutely forbid him his talking to her, emailing her, chatting with her, etc. He says he complies. A couple weeks later, I'm talking to a mutual friend of mine, Honey and Her, who doesn't know what has transpired. He proceeds to tell me that She has been ranting and raving about what a bitch I am and how I am unreasonable and abusive and friend needs to get Honey out of that relationship. I also learn how she's been emailing and IM'ing and calling and he's not responding (whew, lucky honey on that one). However, all of this makes me question, what did Honey tell her? So, I am now pissed off. Did he just stop talking to her? Did he just put the blame on me that i won't "let" him? So, we start in on Round 2 of the talking and ranting and raving and crying. I make him call her on the phone with me there and explain this shit to her. How I can't deal with the I love yous, I want you with me (she's still married with a boyfriend living with her and her husband), the daily conversations about our life, the frustrations about work, money, etc that he doesn't tell me. I could give a flying rats ass if she thinks its me. I really am not up for caring what a coke whore lying manipulator thinks of me. She says I'm an immature stupid bitch and need to get over myself. They hang up. That is feb 2006.

Since then, we, both Honey and I, have worked on our relationship. Until this blew up, we had a good relationship. But, we have both put in exhaustive measures, counseling, etc to make a go of this. Yet, there are times, when the whole thing creeps back in. The years of lying to my face about talking to her. The distrust is still there. I realize that I own this distrust. Honey is absolutely understanding that I am not capable of just "dropping it". He does all the reassuring that he can when I get in a tissy about it, when it consumes me and I worry about it. I worry about what in our relationship is so wrong that he has to go back to her. How horrible do I have to be that he chooses everything I know about their previous relationship (not good things..) over what we have?

The JUICE OF THE POST..
Well.. he's been travelling alot. Our mutual friend said he (friend, not honey) was talking to her. I start getting in my head that maybe he's telling the truth that Honey is not talking to her, but perhaps he's talking through friend to her. This sets off all my emotions about did I do the right thing? If he would just tell me he was talking to her, there would be a clear path for my resolution. As it is, I mostly, deep down, believe it when he says he isn't. I think (hope?) that he realizes that despite some of our issues (which are few and this is the absolute most major), we have a good thing going. Then I start reading blogs and come across one about a cheating husband and all the emotions that go with that. It just stirs up so much more and raises everything I am trying to hard to push down, up to the surface. So I dump on him. While he's in the airport, waiting for his plane to bring him home, to all my insecure bullshit. I am very careful in expressing that I recognize this is MY bullshit. MY baggage. MY whateveryouwanttocallit. I know its mine. I know that this was triggered by nothing that he said or did or didn't do or say. But I need him to help me move forward..today. Get me through it. But he's not here. So I get to rant on my blog and simmer in my self-created shit stew.

more poking and prodding

What a crazy last week (almost) it has been. Work, still crazy busy with shit to do. Honey is traveling on business so this week is even more convoluted than usual because of having to change my schedule around so that I can get the princess to school.

So, to catch up. I had my rhizotomy last Wednesday. This went well. I was out of it for Wed and Thurs and still too sore on Fri to go to work. Saturday started feeling a bit better, but am still sore today. I have therapy today, so we'll see how that goes. As far as the surgery went, I have minor to moderate actual sensation in the left side of my neck. I can feel pressure and I can feel that the muscles themselves are tight and sore, but beyond that, I can't feel much. I have what I call "phantom itches" where my neck itches, but i can't actually feel it when I scratch. Its weird to say the least. We will see how the therapy goes today. Its not quite been a week, but it definately feels better.

While I was out the latter half of last week, work went to hell in a handbasket and I am in fear that a personality conflict is going to cause me to lose the best helpdesk person I have. Our furniture fell through for the new expansion area, so now we are getting shiteous furniture with no walls. Like I thought a cube farm for the helpdesk was going to be crap, now its going to be just fucking tables and shit, but not really tables. I guess counters is a more apt description. I guess thats what I get for working at a non-profit.

On Friday, the Princess became grounded. She got a whole 4 F's on her report card. I about shit and lost my lid with her on Friday. She has no internet, no phone, no friends until they are C's. She did not enjoy the weekend, or the constant lectures about grades.

My nephew got in a horrible car accident and totaled his truck on Friday night. I found out Saturday when my sister called me. He was drinking and driving, wrapped his truck around a tree and rolled it a couple times. He and his girlfriend are ok, surprisingly still alive, and just banged and bruised. He is 17. He was arrested and has no truck and no license now, as well as an aggravated DUI. He is such a good kid, but reminds me of his dad.

My other sister sent me the family photos and photos of my littlest niece. I got those on Thursday. They (the niece pictures) are soo cute. Man, she looks like she's going to be a fireball. Just the little look in her eye says mischief. The family pictures are about as I figured and I don't care for them because I am fat (at least according to myself). But I went and bought some frames on Sunday anyway. I also actually bought a pair of flip flops. Now they are nice leather flip flops, that I actually wore to work yesterday, but they are still flip flops, which I don't buy and don't wear. So, that was a change.

Nothing eventful for St. Paddy's day. This made me sad, but I just wasn't up to it. Had to make some food for a Cultural Event happening of some sort for the Princess to get 50 points extra credit in 2 of her flunking classes. This was a must. I also have to make more food on Wednesday. Not sure how all thats going to work out since I have to work till 5 and take her to cheer tryouts.

yes, I gave in on grounding for cheer tryouts. I only did it because I don't think that its fair for her to miss the tryouts for next season. That takes away motivation for the whole next year. Maybe I am too easy, but she's got tryouts the 4 days this week. She was embarrassed that I went and stayed and watched. I think this was good enough. It is my intent to do this for the rest of the sessions, but I don't know because I have shit to do this week, including therapy, working late and making her more food for the fucking fiesta in her spanish class. So we'll see.

Hopefully honey comes home tomorrow instead of thursday. There is just too much to do this week. UGH.

Time Flies when you are having fun...

Or when you are just incredibly busy. Work, not fun is what has prevented me from posting lately. Work is on the order of psychotic. 10 laptops to build in a week, specialized installations. Its a blast. Tons of other weirdo problems that have to be dealt with including a mass influx of hardware issues. People being pissy, shit being broke (not my responsibility stuff).

I have generally felt like major doo doo. My neck has been stiff, clear down into my shoulder. I did therapy tuesday and thursday of last week and just couldn't deal with the exercises. I couldn't hold my posture for more than about 5 mins at a time without excruciating pain and stiffness. I kept having to slouch(sp?) just to get a minute of reprieve. My shoulder was dang near immobile because of the stiffness. Therapy did some deep tissue work and this helped some, but man, it was horrible. This crap continued through the weekend and didn't really do much. Stayed with my trusty flexeril most of the time, but that doesn't help when the stiffness and tightness is extreme.

The Honey, the Boy, the Roommate and some friends all went to see 300 in the IMAX. They had a great time. Said the action scenes in the IMAX were amazing. The Princess and I went to see Music and Lyrics. This was a cute chick flick. I will probably buy it on DVD. It wasn't as horrible as the reviews have made it seem, but definately a chick flick.

I played my game some, though I didn't really get much accomplished with my main character. I mostly leveled up some lower level ones. It was fun, but I wish that I could have gotten more done with my main. Unfortunately she is at the point of relying on others to assist. Oh well.

Tomorrow is my rhizotomy. I am somewhat looking forward to it because I am hoping that it will provide more permanent relief of the pain and stiffness. I am also dreading it. I just know that it will be painful for recovering over the next few days. Scheduling work around those days has been not so great because the Honey is at a conference and can't take me or pick me up. I have to have the roommate come pick me up and then have honey and roommate go get my car that night. Oh well, I think that after tomorrow I won't care about much other than the recovery pain. I also have therapy today, which hopefully will do me some good. I cannot take any meds until after my procedure. That is no good. Oh well, i've been living that worse for the last 8 months or so, I can cope with a few more days (hopefully).

Besides all that, the kids have had standardized testing and the Boy is hellaciously sick with some sinus infection. The princess has decided to quit track. They go visit their dad in 2 weeks, for 2 weeks. I am going to miss them terribly. The good news is that he has been pleasant the last few times i've talked to him, but the bitch girlfriend hasn't been around either.

one week older...

whats going through my head with that title is "another day older and deeper in debt". Thats not exactly how i am feeling, but it was in my head.

Actually, it has been a fairly calm week since I last posted. Work has been busy. I have been going to PT and rushing the kids to and fro. My neck is severely stiff and i can't hardly move my arm at all because it has tightened down into my shoulder blade. At PT yesterday they loosened it up and I muscle relaxed my way to slumberland last night, but it still is really painful and sore. Yet, I am at work. I really want to stick it out today.

The kids are having CSAP testing, which is the colorado version of standardized testing. The princess's schedule is all messed up because of it and I am trying to finagle actually getting her to school for her 10:15 start time. Its just crazy that they don't think about how parents are to get the kids to these classes, just that they better. What a crock of shit, but what can you do. Not like schools think about the impact they have on the families when they make stupid ass decisions like this.

Next week is the rhizotomy. I am nervous for that. The honey has training all week and probably won't be able to take me. The following week he leaves for business for 4 days. That is also going to suck because my whole schedule gets fubar'd. I hate having to switch shifts to take the kiddos to school and what not.

I finally got my TENS machine from physical therapy and boy does that help alot. Its very nice to sit and relax for 15 mins while I have that on. I am bummed that I have been too hurty to do my exercises for the past 2 days, but we'll see. Tomorrow is another day of PT, hopefully I'll not be so stiff and in pain. The biggest thing is that my muscles are just spasming from my shoulder up to my neck. 2 Days of this and its old and annoying and painful. I actually directed the boy through making dinner last night because I couldn't use my left arm without some crazy pain and spasm.

The roommate is all up in arms about the game and what they did to his most powerful character. We ran a quick low level instance last night and he was NOT happy about it. Honestly, I didn't see much difference, however, I do think there would be more noticable difference in a higher end instance. Which is unfortunate, but oh well. I guess I just can't get myself worked up over dmg loss or whatever. It is just a game. I'll play it as long as I have fun. If they need to reduce some characters dmg or threat output to make things even among the classes or whatever, then great, do it. He just tends to obsess about the game and shit. Yes, a true addict. I am not. I can go for days without playing, even weeks and it doesn't bother me to just come back and pick up where I left off. Anyway, I have been having a bit of fun. I have been trying to get my end game dungeon keys and shit like that. Its all very boring and difficult stuff because you have to rely on others to help with this stuff. Getting those others to help when I'm available has been a challenge, so I just wait.

The construction started on the server room to build cubes and such. This is where my new cube will be. I am giving up my office to the Network and System Administrators. This i don't really care about. I am also getting a huge manager's cube. I guess this is fine too. I am more worried about having a lab area to work on machines. Which I get. Sometimes its nice to be the only female voice. They sometimes listen to me more. We had a meeting yesterday. The boss wanted all of us to "brainstorm and research" on worldwide outage notification and how we can manage it for 3K users. So I took 10 mins to google it and see whats out there. We had about an hour to prep for the meeting. I researched some things, just glancing over them to see would they, at the most basic level, meet the vague needs that were provided. We get into the meeting and i am the only one who even looked into it. Fortunately, I had covered the bases that were floating around the boss' head in regard to what he had in mind. The meeting was short because of this. I'm glad of that, but everyone was like "way to go E!, you're a rock star" I am a rock star because I looked into it? HA! excellent. I love that. Remember the rock stardom at review time in 2 months. I think we are still on hold for the 3rd position on the Helpdesk. I still think they are going to want me to manage said Helpdesk. Not that I don't already, cause I mostly do, but I don't have the accountability for it, well not really. Shit falls apart and I was responsible for it, I still have to account, but right now there is a buffer between me and the next boss up and he generally takes the hit for me if he has to, which he doesn't often, but he has. Mostly in dealing with irate people in the wrong. Oh well, not like I haven't managed things before. I guess getting in at the beginning of a world wide helpdesk from the bottom end is good, right? I just worry about losing my technical skills. Will have to keep up with that should management happen. Otherwise, I'm not too worried about it.

{listening to Home Again by Oingo Boingo}

Ice Skating anyone?

Yeah.. so we got hit with snow yesterday and it proceeded to turn all the roads into ice skating rinks. I-25 had a 40-50 car pileup that closed the highway for HOURS. Multitude of accidents aroudn town, etc. This morning we had a delay and I just didn't want to get out of bed and come to work. I drove on the rink and it was horrid. Got to sliding pretty good in a few spots, thankfully, not over the bridge. Now I'm at work, 2 hrs late, but here (I still had about an hour and a half before work actually opened). We are done getting snow until tomorrow night and today is starting off to being a sunshine-y day! Hooray. Maybe it will be all melted off by the time I leave work. I do love me some short work days though.

I have PT today. I am glad to go, but am super sore today. I feel like I need to have my back adjusted. Maybe I can get them to do it for me. Hrm.. I also get my tens machine which should help my muscles in my neck.

I am currently disappointed in my attorney. I faxed them one of my medical bills and got a call back saying "you're gonna have to pay that". I about shit. That is part of the reason I hired an attorney so that I don't have to pay out of pocket medical expenses that will bankrupt me while I am continuing treatment. As I explained to the Assistant to the Legal Assistant "I have amassed a small fortune in co-pays and know that I need to pay them, but the reason I hired you was so that I didn't have huge out of pocket medical expenses and don't get sent to collections for not paying the bills" The assistant then said that she would have the Legal Assistant call me. Hasn't happened. They called me on Monday, it's Thursday, no word from the Legal Assistant. Hrmm. Maybe my point got through so they will do, oh I don't know, what I'm paying them to do? Its a thought.

One of my oldest and bestest friends called and he's moving to Denver and getting his social networking business up and running in Denver/COS. He wants me to be part of the launch and corrdination here in COS. I dunno if I can do it. It takes a whole lot of time, effort, corrdinatation, partying, etc. that I am not sure I have with a full-time job, 2 teenagers, physical therapy and injuries. I told him we would talk about it.

Hopefully work won't be so bad today. I am tired. Sinus headache coming on strong.

{Listening to the APL song by Black Eyed Peas}

Grumpdillicious

Yeah, i'm grumpy grumpy today. I went to bed pissed at the Princess because I can't seem to enforce the priority of school and doing well in school. I got up yelling at the boy because he was decided that the time he needed to get in the shower this morning was when I get in the shower..every morning. Plus, there were no towels.

Work is psycho stupid crazy. shit was broke this morning, fixed it, people calling because shit i can't fix is also broke, people calling this morning because they are too stupid to do their job and believe that we(me) should be doing it for them. Nevermind that I will teach you how to do it, no no.. god forbid that, just do it for them and thats good. One lady has called everyday since last thursday, about 5-6 times a day, with the same questions that we go over and over with her each time. She doesn't get it, she doesn't want to get it, she wants to keep calling me. Plus, she's a bitch because the fact that she doesn't get it and doesn't want to get it is somehow reflective upon me. Interesting.. run with that logic, darling. Run far, run fast.

Its supposed to snow today. I am sore from PT. It was quite the workout after not going for a week. Went to dinner last night, it was tasty, but the kids wanted to dish it out with each other but not take it. The Honey brought me breakfast today, because i asked him to, but i just asked him and hung up. I told him that i was grumpy and didn't want to grump at him for no reason other than i am pissy for a multitude of reasons.

So.. haven't even begun to bust out some itunes this morning. Maybe I should and i will start to be less grumpilicious. Hrm.. thought. Oh.. if you haven't caught the SNL skit with Justin Timberlake called "Dick in a Box".. catch it.. hilarious..

Holy helluva

What a week it has been. Things have gone from crazy to psycho at work. I was out Thursday with a migraine that just kicked my ass. Even migraine meds only 1/2 way did the trick. Vomiting, auras, head being pounded with what felt like a sack of bricks. UGH. I stayed in bed except to puke and pee. Not saying a whole lot since I couldn't even keep water down.

The Honey comes home tomorrow, the kids have things to do tonight and tomorrow. I have gotten my starbucks on Wed and Fri of this week, which was tasty. They just don't last long enough. HA! maybe I slurp them down?

I haven't done PT this week because of the messed up schedule. The migraine yesterday did not help my neck at all. I was in bed and finally had to take a Flexeril to combat the stiffness in my neck.

I am hungry today. Very hungry. I will be getting lunch in a bit. Not sure what I will be getting though.

So I made it...

This weekend was a long weekend. Had Monday off work due to presidents day. It was actually a fairly productive weekend. The kids had a good time, I went shopping, I gamed, there was cleaning done.

The Princess went up to Denver area to visit her friend she hadn't seen since 5th grade in Arizona. We took her up to Castle Rock to meet them on Saturday. The roads were total crap and icy on the way there. The Honey drove against his wishes, but I'm glad he did. I freaked the whole way and he didn't appreciate it, but still I don't know that I could have dealt with all the traffic and ice and pileups. So we had a bit of a row because I was freaking and he was generally pissed that I made him drive. He did it anyway, though, thats why I love him. He didn't just tell me to suck it up and get on the road myself. Grumpily, he drove it. He didn't protest at doing it, just let it be known he wasn't happy about it. When we finally got home, he went to the movies with his friends while I stayed home. Figured space was needed after 2.5 hrs in the car with a freaking out woman who was riding your ass because she was freaking out. The boy went to the movies with his friends, hung out with friends, did whatever it is that boys do with their friends. He helped me clean, earned his money. I gamed. It was a nice day after the fiasco over driving, but everyone recovered.

On Sunday, the Roommate and I went back to Castle Rock to pick up the Princess. She had a good time, we ended up staying at the mall and shopping. Both the Roommate and I spent too much money, but I got a really cute Coach purse that I love a lot. The princess was a bit peeved cause she wanted one too. I just can't afford 2 Coach purses in a weekend. One was over my sensibilities limit. She got a sweatshirt and earrings and other stuff. The drive wasn't so bad since the roads were mostly clear. My car is a grimey mess after Saturday's drive. We went and had great sushi on Sunday night and the Princess went on a date, even though she says it wasn't a date. It was and she had a good time.

Monday was lounge around the house for the most part day. The Princess and I went shopping and I got 2 new sweaters, she got a new pair of pants and the Boy got 2 shirts and a sweatshirt. The Honey and I went on a date for dinner. It was Chili's but it was tasty. The Boy went and hung out with his friends, went to a movie, played some football. It was a great day outside both Sunday and Monday. Hopefully more this week.

Tuesday is starting out fairly rough at work. Crazy problems, crazy people. People unavailable because they just don't want to work on the issue. *sigh* its kinda crazy busy. I have therapy today. The Honey leaves on business tomorrow morning. He's gone the rest of the week and comes home on Sat. My hours are adjusted so that I can take the kids to school. Its just going to be a crazy week.

Starbucks rocks

So, its finally friday. Thank god for small favors. I am SORE SORE SORE after PT yesterday. My neck is nearly immobile. Not necessarily because of PT, but mostly because we have started light exercises and it works those muscles, which are not so politely refusing to be worked at all. It is just more confirmaton of the rhizotomy in a month to hopefully provide a more permanent relief. Though, at only 2 weeks after the facet injections and the pain is returning in full force, I don't have high hopes that the rhizotomy will actually be permanent. Nonetheless, the March 14 appointment can't come soon enough.

So a friend of mine sent me an email informing me that the Starbucks is offering free t-shirts Feb 15-Feb 28. They have a limited number each day and a specific time that they get started giving them away. I got mine yesterday and it is in the mail. But, anyway, the design of the t-shirt is "Your" starbucks drink. And you customize it and they put that on a t-shirt and send it to you for free. Now.. I love starbucks. Probably more than the next person, but less than some people. So, I naturally got my t-shirt. I also had to call my sister to tell her since we used to go to starbucks EVERY morning on our way to work. This was a few years ago when we worked near each other and actually lived in the same state. She also used to be a Starbucks manager and continues to have her daily starbucks. Unfortunately for me, I don't get mine daily anymore. Mostly because I have to be at work before Starbucks opens, so there really is no point in stopping if they are closed and can't give me my coffee. But.. a free t-shirt, customized by me, yeah.. starbucks rocks. The honey is going to bring me starbucks this morning. He is awesome.

I am still listening to madonna. I think I have like 3 more albums left. I *might* get through them today. Its not torture, otherwise I would change it. I can do that since I really am in control of the iTunes, right? Right. HA. iPod/iTunes controls me!! I still love my iPod, though I haven't listened to it much in the past couple weeks. I just been busy. I need to get in the habit of listening to it while I sit at my computer.

Speaking of computers. The Princess' power supply went out yesterday. She had a near panic attack because she was chatting with J, the boy that she fancies. I got her hooked up on the laptop. This took all of about 2 minutes and she was freaking. *sigh* Teenage girls are sooo dramatic.

The boy wanted to stay home sick yesterday. I made him go to school. He came home after puking in the hallway on the way to the nurses office and when he got there had a fever of 100. Oops, my bad for not believing he was sick. I apologized to him, but he was still jumping around and not looking like he feels sick when I got home.

The princess is home today not feeling good. She is also just kinda not going to school to get some chores done so that she has money to go to Parker to visit her friend this weekend. She had a tough time deciding if she wanted to stay home or go to school because she doesn't get to have her date with J. tonight or go out with any other friends. Its a rule. You stay home sick from school, you stay home sick from friends. She tried to beg, plead, steal, bargain me out of it, but I have held firm on that one with the Boy so many times, its easy to to stick on that one.

Hopefully work will be slow enough that I can just cruise through the day and not actually have to do any mind work. I do have to deal with Pivot table troubleshooting, though, which is sucky and I will have to think about it. But, its one of those things that if I can't figure it out, I'm off the hook. Those kinds of things are kinda best effort. Most things I can tell you how to do, or how to figure out, pivot tables are their own little beast that I try to stay away from.

{listening to Don't Cry for me Argentina by Madonna(of course)}

deadlines & viruses

This week has just been crazy at work. Our satellite offices (about 300 of them) have a deadline for submitting data to us. We provide the format and the data required. They decide (as they do every year) that the last 3 days is when they need to hop on getting their data submitted. As the only person that is supporting the software used for submitting the data, I have been busy busy busy. I also have a user who is crying because her home computer is just totally infected with a virus. Cleaning this over the phone is rough. I am about ready to offer to come over to her house to fix it or try to. Its just rough. We also launched a new program yesterday, that, SURPRISE .. is broken. Now this isn't our groups fault, we just have to take all the irate phone calls for it. Please note the release of another product back in Sept/Oct that caused me headache. I believe i documented my pain and suffering in the blog back around that time. Well.. this product is based o the previous product, by the same screwball development company, who couldn't find their ass with both hands and a map. This has caused a ton of work for the honey, and my headache with the whole thing is just starting since they released a piece of shit.. again. The project manager of this project is a total moron and I don't know how he keeps his job. He fucked up the last release, he's fucking up this one. We've lost funding, schools, teachers, etc. and he maintains his stupid job. If i even thought about fucking up 1/2 as bad as he has, I would be fired. Fortunatley, I don't fuck up on that scale, or that often.

My neck is hurting and like i have mentioned, just gradually getting worse. Its still better than it was, but I am hoping that the rhizotomy is a more permanent type of resolution. The knot is back, the stiffness, catching and headaches are back, though not as severe. I have PT today and am still doing light neck exercises. We have stepped up some of the knee exercises too, which is good.

I wore my size 14 pants today to work. They were tight, but not uncomfortable. I was proud of this. I think I am going to try on some more this weekend to see if its a fluke. 2 more sizes by may.. i think i can do it, but we'll see. I wish that I could do more cardio. My therapist said that I should ask the doctor if I can do treadmill and such at the gym.

Both the princess and the boy start track next week. The princess informed me that she is trying out for cheerleading for the fall. I think thats great, she can make varsity easy enough because of her gymnastics. Not sure that she has the rhythm to be a cheerleader, but she could probably do it if she tries hard and practices. The drawback to cheerleading is that it is holy hell expensive.

The princess is going to see her friend from 5th grade in AZ who lives in colorado now. I think she's spending the weekend there. We are meeting at the outlet malls in castle rock. I am gonna try to go shopping a little bit. I really want some new sweaters, maybe a Coach purse. We'll see how finances look though. The honey needs new tires on the Expedition.

The boy is complaining he is sick... again. I am wondering what is up with him. I made him go to school since he has or has tried to be out of school at least one day a week since the holiday break. They both get 2 weeks off here soon enough and will be spending it in sunny san diego with their idiot father. I didn't realize when he made the place reservations that he has them coming home easter weekened. This throws my plans out the window of going to IA with the honey, but oh well. We'll have to see how that all works out as the time nears closer.

I recently got all my madonna albums ripped to iTunes so I have been listening to Madonna. Man, I recognize that in the 80's my mom wouldn't let me wear the lace and necklaces and torn clothes, even though I did. But truly, her music hasn't aged past its prime. Sure there are some songs that are really 80's songs, but most of her stuff has maintained the sound of the current. This is just listening to the songs. I'm sure if I looked at the CD covers or watched a video I would cringe, run to a corner cower and cry. But the songs themselves have maintained relatively well. Even from the 90's, which were some of her better albums. I am also still a big fan of her most recent work. I type that because I have my iTunes to play the songs once, in order of least number of times played, until I cycle through them. I haven't gotten around to making actual playlists yet, but I kinda like this way because I get to hear the stuff that I don't normally choose on the ipod. So, anyway, since I recently imported Madonna, she's top of the not played list and I am just working my way through the list. Now, the drawback for this, is that once I go through her once, and all the other songs that haven't been played before, she's back at the top of only been played once. Fortunately, I also put some aerosmith in there that hasn't been played. So, for the next few days, I think I'll be listening to some aerosmith and all of madonna. Flogging Molly and Elvis Costello are next though. I love Flogging Molly. One of my favorite bands of all time. I missed Tatu at Jack Quinn's last night, but oh well. I would have just liked to have gone and saw them.

{listening to La Isla Bonita (Instrumental version) by Madonna}

Sexy Back

No, I'm not brining Sexy Back. That is Justin Timberlakes job. I just really like that song and its on my iTunes right now and I couldn't think of anything for a title today. That is a catchy tune.

Busy week at work ahead of me. I slept good, but not much so I am still tired. Played my game for a while this weekend. Almost got another level. Man its slow going, but still fun. Maybe tonight I'll get the level and then next weekend i'll get one more. I also started playing my other character and maybe I will get both of them to the highest. I think the Honey is going to be the first one with 2 characters at the highest level. Oh well, it probably won't be me, thats for sure. There is some stuff I am going to have to research this week for the game, but its still pretty fun.

Got the house cleaned, got the kids some money. They actually helped. Not without kicking and screaming, but they helped alot. Now to keep them earning their money every day.. that is the challenge. The house looked nice and we got almost everything I wanted done.

Have therapy Tues/Thurs this week, but hopefully its going to be good. I sat at my desk alot this weekend and could feel my neck tightening up. I took 2 flexeril for sleep last night and that seemed to help, so I'm not SUPER sore today, but i wouldn't have been able to get to sleep without the meds either, I was so sore. Oh well. I keep marchin forward.

Great music rotation today. Super Duper Love by Joss Stone is closing this post out today!

Fabulous Friday..

Ok, I lied. Its not all that fabulous. Its kinda blah, actually. Been busy at work. Got house work planned for the weekend, got therapy planned for this evening. The Honey is sick, the kids have stuff to do, but i'm making them cancel to help me clean the house. I know its not Spring, but its definately time for spring cleaning... cause I'm the mom and I said so.

My neck "golf ball" is slowing making its appearance again. I guess the rhizotomy is what needs to happen. Its been a week. The pain has subsided considerably, but every day is a new day in determining how its going to react to sitting for a long period or, like today, doing my therapy. I am kinda not anxious about therapy today.

Work has been moderately busy today, but not too bad. Still got a deadline I'm working with customers on, and thats causing major tight scheduling, but oh well, I'm workin' it. We are also releasing a new program next wednesday, but for the people supporting it, we haven't even got to see it yet. Now, we did get some documentation on it, which is a huge improvement over the nothing we usually get, but still I need some answers.

Hopefully cleaning will go fast with the kids helping me and I will get the opportunity to play my game. I am actually having fun again. WOOHOO! I would also like to get out and shoot some pool, but we'll see how that goes.

Where's the weekend already?

Its Thursday. It has been a long week, seemingly. I have been busy at work, been busy at home. So many things on my to-do list, that I just can't even contemplate them all. I think I will have kids stay home this weekend and we will make a dent in housework.

The honey is home sick today. I went to PT yesterday. We didn't start back into neck exercises, but we are going to on Friday. The more I sit at a computer, the more the pain comes back. Its unfortunate that this is now a permanent injury. I hate that. I hate that for the rest of my life, I will have to buck up the funds to have a fairly expensive surgery every few years just to maintain.

No time really to type this morning, got lots of work to get done.

{listening to Re-Arranged by Limp Bizkit}

5 days

Its been 5 days since my neck injections. They are starting to wear off a bit. I can feel some of the pain and stiffness returning, but still not as bad as it was. I talked to the dr.'s office and I am getting back into PT right away. And I can start neck exercises. I also set up the appointment for a month out to have the nerves cauterized. This seem so permanent. They are sending me more information on it, but I guess its my only option if I can't get longer than a week of no pain. I have also had a headache since the procedure, which I am not real fond of. They said this was not uncommon.

I am still contemplating a new phone for the Princess since her dad believes that to be his last vestige of control over me and her. Let her keep the phone he got her, let him call her on it. Other than that, he can go fuck himself sideways with all his bullshit. I am truly sick of his crap. He doesn't give a rats ass or concern about the Boy, he just thinks its alright to give the Princess a huge load of shit, process what he said for a few days, feel bad, then say "im sorry". Well Sorry doesn't fuckin cut it. Sorry doesn't take away all the shit you said to her and how you got her to cry herself to sleep. You are truly an amazing fucking parent you cocksucker. It is unfortunate that after 22 years of friendship, he has become an gigantic black hole of narcissism and I really wish he'd give up his half-assed notion of parental control and leave me and them the fuck alone. He just doesn't fucking get that they are afraid to tell him what an asshole he is being, so they keep it inside or tell me. And he doesn't listen to me, so they just suck up everything that he says and does to them; every mean word, every broken promise, every forgotton birthday or holiday, every check in the mail that never arrives. I am really still on fire over his bullshit this weekend. That just steamed me to no end. And yet, I was calm and chose my words carefully on the phone, but he still tells the princess that I yelled at him. What a fucking lying cock. Play the game you whore. I am not as dumb as you think I am and I am aware of far more than you think.

Now.. back to the regularly scheduled programming.. work has been busy, weird little thing busy, but thats ok. I slammed my hand into the door jam this morning, and think I broke my hand. It is swollen, has a knot and hurts to move it. Typing is a chorse this morning. Still working on hiring

So.. thats about it. I think I ranted so much cause I have been listening to Nine Inch Nails this morning. HA! Anger therapy! I am hungry.. have headache, hurt hand and therapy today. WOOT

Results?

Well, I got my spinal shots on Saturday morning. They said they would give me happy drugs, but that i wouldn't pass out. Guess what? Hour later in the recovery room, I was waking up. HA! Hope it was a good nap. Even before I left the hospital, I was feeling better. NOticable pain decreate, even the stiffness in my neck was better. I have to call back today to talk and explain a couple of the things that I am experiencing, find out when I can go back to PT, schedule my next appointment, etc., but overall, much improvement.

I didn't get out to do much because, despite the improvement, they still shoved needles in my neck so i have sore muscles. But I was able to play a little on the computer on Sunday, even went out of the house! Saturday I stayed in bed all day. I was tired, and sore, but, like I said, still improved.

On friday, shit hit the fan with the ex-husband and princess over her text messages. He railed her up one side and down the other, but when I called him on it, he didn't have the balls to give me shit. What a fucking coward. Can't get into it with me, but can certainly make a 15yr old feel like ass. He even drug the boy into it, and unfortunatley he got sucked in. He felt like crap too, but I think he's learning his dad's games. Too sad for his dad. His fucking girlfriend I am sure is behind a bunch of this nonsense, not that she wants the princess to live there anyway. She is too jealous of her to actually let that happen again. I just don't know what the hell their problems are. Grow the hell up, people. Man, I am sad to say that I really just don't like the girlfriend. She can go to hell. Sadly, their dad isn't gonna realize that she caused issue between him and his kids until it is too late. It makes me wonder if she's got super-pussy or something, the way she controls him. He is a totally different person now that he's with her. Maybe mind-control pussy. UGH.. i just don't like her, but he's a big boy, pushin 40 and needing to act more like his 27 yr old girlfriend than an actual adult with kids.

On top of that, Friday was not the day that I wanted to deal with his crap, I was nervous, didn't feel good, etc. and instead I spend the afternoon/evening trying to make him see some god damned sense. Fuck him sometimes. Needless to say, it got worked out, though he ended up telling me and telling the princess 2 different versions of the events, so I'm pretty sure its not worked out, but he'll just hold it for me until the next time. What a cock. It is truly unfortunate that one of my best friends since I was 14, the father of my 2 kids, can't continue a friendship after 22 years. Buck up fool, she aint worth losing your friends and your kids.

Well, besides that, not much happened this weekend because, I couldn't do anything. I did almost get another level in my game. I might try to finish that tonight. So very close. Work is going to be busy this week, I have a feeling. I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but I did put like $15 in the pool. I got a call from one of my friends sayin I had won like $50, but that she had won like $250. Good for both of us. We'll see if I won more than that! The game wasn't over when she called. Maybe I mopped up. I don't even know how I won, which is probably the saddest part. It was one of those fill in the square things. $1 or $5 a square. Beyond that, I don't really know how its tallied or how a winner is declared, but I will gladly take my ignorant winnings!!

There was no snow this weekend. It was all over by Saturday morning. So that was a plus. Still cold as shit on Saturday, but Sunday was much better. Dare I say, Sunday was a pleasant day outside. Being that I actually ventured outside, I can say that.

Witches Tits in a Brass Bra

Holy shit has it been cold this week. OMG this morning the kids schools were delayed because of -18 degree wind chilld. The roads have been icy because of snow, but no work delays. I was kinda hoping today work would be cancelled, but alas, it wasn't.

I have my cervical spine injections tomorrow. They called to move up the appointment. I am nervous. I have PT today, but am sore as all hell. I have been sleeping better, but still not good. Still going to bed after 10.

Work has been busy, kids have been busy. I am sure they are busy this weekend, but I won't be able to do anything because of my shots. They put you out, or give you an epidural. Then suggest 24-48 hrs rest. So, we'll see.

Weekend down, 4 days to go..

I am sad to report that I am at the point of almost living for the weekends. Why? Not quite sure except sleep. I am so tired these days but am not sleeping well. Like on Friday night, I ended up staying up until 5am when I finally went to bed and slept till noon. Then Saturday night, I went to bed at 4 and up at 7. Sunday night, bed at 11 up at 4, Monday night, bed at 2 up at 5. I am truly too old for this shit. I need my non-beauty rest.

The kids FINALLY got their Xmas presents from their dad. They were excited and I'm glad he finally came through for them.

Today is the princess's physical hopefully i have everything I need for that.

I had to change my PT schedule for this week to Wed & Fri. I am supposed to go play pool Wed night with a friend. We'll see how that goes. I am excited though. I want to start playing more, again.

Physically, I've been doing pretty good, especially with my screwed up sleep schedule. My neck is always hurting, but I have to just keep plugging along because lying in bed isn't going to help things and I have stuff that needs to be done. I am a bit anxious for my neck shots, but will just keep doing PT until that happens. A month out now. Crap, i wish it was a bit sooner.

The weekend was spent gaming, which was fun. I am leveling up alright since the expansion came out, but I still wish I had more time to committ to it. I feel a bit inadequate in some of the instances, but I guess that just takes time. *sigh*

Still trying to finagle going to the Czech Republic in August and now maybe Orlando with the kids in June. Dang. Too much traveling I want to do, not enough funds to do it.

How are you? Me? I'm Asstastic!!

Well I had full intent on posting more this week, but circumstances kind of took hold and ran with the whole family this week.

Everyone has been sick. I went to the dr. and have a respiratory infection. Pretty sure, thats what everyone else has too, though they aren't wanting to buck up and go to the doctor. The princess has had a rough emotional week as she's missing her dad and a boy she likes is being a jerk. Its also pms week, so she's got a rollercoaster going on anyway. the Boy has just been, well, a teenage boy. The Honey has been sick as well, so the grumps has roamed the house. Four out of six of us at work were sick, so that was fun. Princess and I stayed home from school/work once this week, the boy, he might be staying home today. He was sounding worse for wear as he was headed to bed last night. The Honey? well he's had some time off, but not because of being sick. We also had our water heater replaced. Now, fortunately for all of this, we actually purchased the new water heater before the old one died. I think I might have actually killed people if I would have been out of hot water this week. But, nonetheless, he ended up having to take 1/2 day on monday, and 1/2 day on thursday to go meet with the water heater installer. Oh yeah, it also cost an additional $150 to get the stupid thing installed because of the age of our old water heater and the building codes having changed. They had to run a new gas line, new ventilation, move the water heater away from the wall, holy crap enough shit. I still think thats what we paid the $250 to Sears for in the first place, but what do I know.

Work has been busy, despite my not wanting to be there due to feeling generally craptacular. On wednesday one boss got pissy and jumped my shit. Apologized that he was a little bitch, but still I was feeling like shit and he jumped me first thing in the morning about stuff i didn't have control over. Fuck, it was not a good way to start the day. Besides that incident, however, its been a fairly productive week. I have worked on documentation, interviews for new Sys Admin, general this that and the other things. The Honey has also been busy and I haven't seen him but one day this week for lunch. Weird. He's just had to be down at the colo alot workin on servers. Oh well, I suppose that keeps us from fighting, we may work at the same place, but we arent' in each others faces all day and all night.

I cancelled PT on tuesday because of being contagious and staying home from work. I went on thursday and feel alright. I needed the workout because i hadn't done it since last week and had spent alot of time just lying in bed. It felt good, I even felt good enough to cook dinner last night. I thought it was good, too! Baked Chicken with Raspberry Chipotle sauce, steamed brussel sprouts and yellow squash and some long grain rice. Overly healthy for our household. Everyone ate the chicken and rice. Roommate and I are the only ones that ate the veggies. HA! coulda figured that one, but they were good for me! I am sore this morning, with a bit of a neck headache, but eh, that is how it seems to be almost every day. I finally got a call scheduling my cervical spine injections. Its a month out. I will be sedated and it will take like 2.5 hours and have to have someone drive me home. Jeez, thats kinda nuts, but ok. So i got the time off, then realized that I had to have the Honey get the time off too.

The Princess has her physical at the dr. on Tuesday next week. Man, so many things that I think I am forgetting. Got the information on my nephew's graduation in May. I think that I can swing me and the kids at least, maybe the Honey going to it. It will be a long drive, and expensive hotels, but I think that it will be worth it. Then I still have to figure out how to get me and the kids to Oregon for my brother's wedding. Man, i need to really work my weight issue. Damn. Ok.. fuck..

Thats all now. More snow this weekend. For those of me counting, that is a glorious 6 weekends in a row for heavy snow/artic temperatures.